Men No Longer Willing to Pay For First Date, Survey Finds

Let's split hairs over splitting the bill, shall we?

By Kristin Wong Sep 24, 2012 3:34PM

As the gender gap narrows in the Western world, more men seem to be speaking up about something they believe to be unfair: paying for the first date.

In a recent survey, only a third of men polled said they would be willing to pay for a first date. More than half of men said going dutch on a first date is fair. Most men surveyed said they would ask for a contribution from their date.

One might look at these stats and say chivalry is dead, but is it erroneous to equate chivalry with money in the first place?

Website Fridayfriday.com carried out the survey, and a spokesperson told the Daily Mail:

"This may sound a little unromantic, but our poll has revealed that, for many, they simply don’t have as much cash as they may once have…and therefore are keen to ensure their spending doesn’t spiral."

So perhaps it's less about gender equality and more about the recession. In fact, women still statistically make less than men. But at the same time, more women are marrying men who make less than them. Personally, the majority of women in my life actually earn more than their male significant others, and I've noticed that those women also take turns paying for dates.

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The spokesperson continues:

"Some of those surveyed pointed to the fact that the gap between male and female pay [is] still shrinking and therefore it [isn't] unreasonable to expect some money on their part."

The gap is narrowing, sure, but we aren't there yet. That being said, should money have anything to do with romance in the first place? The Daily Mail reported:

"The true gentlemen out there are numbered," and "It seems that chivalry is dead…"

While it's been instilled in us over the years that chivalry is associated with paying for a woman's meal, perhaps it's time to socially evolve from this notion. Admittedly, while I think things should be split in an established relationship, I still instinctively find it romantic for a guy to pay on the first date, too. But can't men still be gentlemen without cash being involved? Or is there something to be said for being old-fashioned?

Either way, the survey continues, with one in five men saying they'd be happy to pay for parts of the night, including a round of drinks, but forking over money for the whole evening is out of the question. Five percent of men said they'd be happy to allow the women to pay for the whole shebang. A whopping 91 percent said that they would leave a bad date early in order to save some money.

"Increasing financial pressures was cited as the number one reason behind the decision; however, many of those polled stated that they felt it was unfair, or even a little embarrassing, to pay for the date," the spokesperson continued.

One suggestion that's emerged from this debate is that the person who suggests the date should pay for the date. Sounds reasonable enough.

But what do you think? Should men still be expected to pay for the first date?

Photo: Getty Images

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31Comments

Newest

Sep 27, 2012 9:44PM

I can't believe the 'suggestion' of 'whoever invites pays' is listed only at the end of the article, as an afterthought and as if it's a new concept! It seems completely obvious to me - in my opinion and in my experience, you don't ask someone to dinner and then ask for a contribution! It has nothing to do with how much women earn and how that compares to men's earnings. It has nothing to do with men 'being men' or paying for that reason. I think it's reasonable that in the past men were the ones inviting (and the ones with the paycheck) and therefore they were the ones paying. And certainly now, that door goes both ways. It's polite as the invitee to make the offer, but don't ask someone on a date unless you're intending and able to pay. Otherwise, call it an outing or activity and make it clear that you're NOT inviting someone on a date.

Previous replies

MaryKate1967

Sep 27, 2012 9:30PM

I think the cheapest and most chivalrous thing a guy can do on a date is hold the door for you. Taking turns or splitting the check seems to make the most sense in this day and age with everyone having limited funds. I had a boyfriend that paid when we went out and not because I didn't offer to pay my share. If you ask the person out on the date I think you should plan on paying for it and if the dating continues then you take turns. I've done that as well with a guy but he was more of a friend than a "date". Still its nice when the guy wants to pay, kinda makes you feel special.