Sex with an ex is common post-breakup
Plus, an expert tells us why revisiting romance is a terrible idea.
For many young adults, "ex sex" is just part of the breakup process. At least that's what a new study from Lucas County, Ohio has found.
Researchers collected data on 792 "emerging adults" between the ages of 17 to 24. All had been in a relationship in the past two years, and the study authors found that nearly half (44 percent) had hooked up with an ex post-breakup.
More on MSN Living: Kissing dos and don'ts
Researchers and relationship experts agree—post-breakup sex is a bad idea. In an article in the Journal of Adolescent Research, the study's authors wrote:
"Those who stay in contact following a breakup continue to feel the pain of the breakup more intensely and may have more difficulty moving on. Previous research found that college students who had sex with their exes mostly described this as a 'difficult or negative event.'"
More on MSN Living: 50 wedding cost-cutting tips from real bridesDating expert Shay "Your Date Diva" Williams agrees. She's a certified dating and relationship coach and has written extensively on the topic of "ex sex." She tells The Heart Beat that young adults may be more likely to hop in the sack with an ex for three reasons:
"Most times it is their first time at love or really bonding with another, and it is hard to break away from those strong attachments."
Second, they lack the experience to realize that "sex with the ex is a dead end street that leads to more pain and heartache." And finally, it’s a familiar and comfortable way to find sexual satisfaction. For young ladies, this may be especially appealing, as they can avoid the stigma of increasing their "sexual number," Williams explains.
Aside from the obvious issue of prolonged heartbreak, Williams says there are a variety of reasons why ex sex is an awful idea.
"My favorite saying is that 'if the paint was wet when you got up, it will be still wet when you try to sit back down!' There is a reason why the relationship ended. Introducing sex into a situation with no boundaries leaves everyone emotionally vulnerable and unable to fully let go and trust each other. This leads to a downhill spiral of dysfunction in the relationship as it removes any motivation for the male to win back the affections of his ex. Sex with the ex is self-torture at it's best."
If youth is wasted on the young, then so is precautionary advice. We've all lived through a time when "do now, think later" was our main mantra. So what if you've already revisited romance and are now dealing with the repressions?
"The only way to start clearing your system of the surge of this hormone is to cut one's self off cold turkey," Williams tells us. "It will hurt at first but with time, a growing self-love and determination, you will wonder what you ever saw in the ex in the first place."
Bing: It's divorce season?!
Photo: Assembly/Getty Images
I don't believe I would give my ex the satisfaction of ever sleeping with me again. Does the break-up break my heart--yes. I still love him because he is the father of my child but the person I thought he was...was a lie. Divorcing me while 8 months pregnant, the thought of sex with him now make my skin crawl.
Emotional ties don't go anywhere after a breakup. From what I've seen, it's most likely because of the women. Normally, when a women breaks up these days it's because their so emotionally confused it's pathetic. If it's not for the psycho, obssessed, friend who hopes people break up so they can get their chance, it's that the women has mentally and emotionally closed off for various reasons. Not all of them are just, and a lot of times guys have to go along with it. Then, when she's feeling clingy, or has an emotional lapse, she gives him a call. It's pathetic, and women need to grow up. Break off cold turkey? How about you just be honest with the other person.
beauty tips and style advice
From Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on Friends to Blair and Serena on Gossip Girl, here are the most memorable wedding dresses to grace the small screen.
Kate Middleton likes outlet malls too.
Smart fall shopping can’t be boiled down to some set-in-stone lineup of items. It’s much more about how you play with what you’ve got rather than just racking up a bunch of new stuff; sometimes your bank account’s balance simply won’t allow for a full-on wardrobe refresh. That’s when it’s important to know what’s worth it—and what isn’t.
Autumn’s just a few short months away, and we’ve got sweaters, coats and booties on our minds! Below are the first things we’ll be buying (or have already bought!) to kick off next season.
Beauty editors are routinely asked to name three essentials they couldn’t live without on a desert island. So here’s our list: water, matches, protein bars. As much as we depend on beauty products, they’re not exactly essential to survival. These luxurious fragrances, nail polishes, and tools are no exception. They’re the anti-basics—hardly your medicine-cabinet staples. They won’t shrink pores or obliterate frizz, but they will make you weak with desire. And that’s a refreshing change of pace. Beyond just looking and feeling great, each of these cool new things appeals to our sense of style. How’s that for an SOS?
You could breeze through the rest of summer with the same sheer balm and nude gloss you always wear. Or you could throw caution to the wind and try one of these superfun, superbright lipstick shades we saw on the spring runways. True red, orchid purple, neon orange—these lipsticks are as bold as they are beautiful.
To say Cara Delevingne is trending is an understatement: Her brows are a hot Google search term, she has around 2.8 million (and growing) Instagram followers, and it’s a challenge to find a Pinterest board without her on it. She’s the girl everyone wants to look like (and be BFF with, too). Check out her best beauty moments—and pin away.
Like red lipstick, cat eyes owe their timeless appeal to their spectacular, style-defining range that can, depending on application, telegraph Old Hollywood glamour, graphic minimalism, or counter-culture punk—what else do Siouxsie Sioux and Brigitte Bardot have in common? It’s impossible to think of Marilyn Monroe without those heavy-lidded bedroom eyes or Amy Winehouse sans her subversive, exaggerated swipe. A mere sweep of eye pencil transformed Anna Karina from a fresh-faced teenager into a French New Wave style icon, and Sophia Loren’s wide-eyed gaze has been forever etched into our collective memory with a frame of perfectly delineated black powder liner. Today, Alexa Chung gives the look a modern ease with a signature liquid swoosh that feels right whether she’s heading to brunch, the airport, or the red carpet. Here’s a look at the best feline eyes of all time. We feel certain that Choupette would approve.
Have you ever noticed that denim ads are some of the sexiest? And most memorable? We can’t tell you how many of the people featured on our site, jeanstories.com, swoon as they reminisce about the first time they watched the 1985 Levis’s 501s “Laundrette” TV spot featuring hte handsome Nick Kamen—who ended up , ahem, sans jeans. As for print ads, think Guess, Calvin Klein…not only sexy, but envelope-pushing and groundbreaking. If concerned mothers of America are writing angry letters to their local newspapers about the boob-baring faces of your campaign, you, as a jeans brand, know you’ve done something right.
Although summer is winding down and days spent by the beach are numbered, there is one gift of the dog days that we can take with us through fall: the pearl. Whether it is dotting denim or lining sandals, the lustrous rarity has become the embellishment of the season and is no longer confined to your grandmother’s jewelry box. For this week’s Most Wanted, we explore how to make your sartorial world your oyster with the ocean gem, along with some of our favorite “pearls of wisdom” to guide you.
These buns are haute! Pretty twists spotted on this year’s runway put a couture spin on the go-to bun.
It's far too often that "The Best Styling Tricks Evaaarrrr"-type stories leave you at a loss. Sure, if you had the legs of a supermodel and a closet full of designer goods, you, too, could probably pull off wearing a shoe on your head and your drop-crotch pants backward. But, for real life, where looking not-crazy is as important as looking unique, sartorial advice needs to be more tailored to accessibility, practicality, and what's actually flattering. So, yes, this story is titled "Plus-Size Layering Tips," but we're confident these pointers can benefit everyone's dressing game.