Sex with an ex is common post-breakup
Plus, an expert tells us why revisiting romance is a terrible idea.
For many young adults, "ex sex" is just part of the breakup process. At least that's what a new study from Lucas County, Ohio has found.
Researchers collected data on 792 "emerging adults" between the ages of 17 to 24. All had been in a relationship in the past two years, and the study authors found that nearly half (44 percent) had hooked up with an ex post-breakup.
More on MSN Living: Kissing dos and don'ts
Researchers and relationship experts agree—post-breakup sex is a bad idea. In an article in the Journal of Adolescent Research, the study's authors wrote:
"Those who stay in contact following a breakup continue to feel the pain of the breakup more intensely and may have more difficulty moving on. Previous research found that college students who had sex with their exes mostly described this as a 'difficult or negative event.'"
More on MSN Living: 50 wedding cost-cutting tips from real bridesDating expert Shay "Your Date Diva" Williams agrees. She's a certified dating and relationship coach and has written extensively on the topic of "ex sex." She tells The Heart Beat that young adults may be more likely to hop in the sack with an ex for three reasons:
"Most times it is their first time at love or really bonding with another, and it is hard to break away from those strong attachments."
Second, they lack the experience to realize that "sex with the ex is a dead end street that leads to more pain and heartache." And finally, it’s a familiar and comfortable way to find sexual satisfaction. For young ladies, this may be especially appealing, as they can avoid the stigma of increasing their "sexual number," Williams explains.
Aside from the obvious issue of prolonged heartbreak, Williams says there are a variety of reasons why ex sex is an awful idea.
"My favorite saying is that 'if the paint was wet when you got up, it will be still wet when you try to sit back down!' There is a reason why the relationship ended. Introducing sex into a situation with no boundaries leaves everyone emotionally vulnerable and unable to fully let go and trust each other. This leads to a downhill spiral of dysfunction in the relationship as it removes any motivation for the male to win back the affections of his ex. Sex with the ex is self-torture at it's best."
If youth is wasted on the young, then so is precautionary advice. We've all lived through a time when "do now, think later" was our main mantra. So what if you've already revisited romance and are now dealing with the repressions?
"The only way to start clearing your system of the surge of this hormone is to cut one's self off cold turkey," Williams tells us. "It will hurt at first but with time, a growing self-love and determination, you will wonder what you ever saw in the ex in the first place."
Bing: It's divorce season?!
Photo: Assembly/Getty Images
Ummm, the study only took into account people ages 17 to 24 who had been in a relationship in the past two years?? You can't base an entire study on just the horniest age group and translate that to everyone!!
like a fav dish at a buffet, nothing wrong with going for seconds
a smart girl knows her limits a wise girl knows she has none ;)
When the carton of milk in the frig tastes bad you throw it out. You don't put the rotten milk back in the frig for later. Same goes with ex's. Toss it and move on cause it won't get any fresher/better in time. There is always new milk at the store that will satisfy your palate. (this is a hard won lessen served to you for free).
Having sex with an ex is a good thing if you are single, and so is your ex. It can give you the much needed break from sexual frustrations. And it makes things easier.
Sex with an ex is like getting intimate with someone you know and trust, and they can provide the perfect mix of pleasure and security. You’re not treading on any new ground, you know what to expect, and you like that.
As tempting as it can be, focus on why you broke up with your ex in the first place. And if you have to be friends, try not to think of them as moving sex toys. It may feel nice at first, but it only takes a few passionate nights together in bed to bring back the old memories of a love that never was, and a few more nights of carnal abuse to mess your world up.
Several years ago a semi-drunk young lady was hitting on me in a bar. She explained a girls needs three men:
1) The one she's with.
2) The one she's seeing on the sly.
3) The one on the waiting list, after being tried out and passing the "test".
I declined. Oh, being #3 sounded nice, but being #1 and 2 didn't sound so hot.
beauty tips and style advice
Controversial.... Or empowering?
These jeans aren't just distressed; they're destroyed — and all the cooler for it. They're also the perfect way to make a basic T-shirt feel totally wild.
After almost a decade together and six children, power couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally made it official on Saturday, August 23 in Chateau Miraval, France. As we wait for photos of the highly anticipated affair, let's take some time to reminisce with some recent and past famous gorgeous gowns.
Good news for your feet: Sneakers are everywhere this fall. Fashion insiders and celebs alike are sporting athletic shoes with their chicest outfits, making them an essential fall fashion trend. With an abundance of styles in stores right now, it might seem daunting to find the pair that’s right for you. We handpicked the 35 best sneaker styles to try.
We’re just going to say it: Ankle boots might be are our favorite type of boots. They’re tough like classic motos when paired with skinny jeans or leather pants. But they also work in place of fussy heels with a flared skirt or cocktail dress for an unexpected downtown-cool vibe. And, let’s be honest, the ankle height just feels more relaxed and comfortable. Never mind that booties take up way less room in your closet too. Wait. Do you know what that means? You can buy more than just one pair this fall—especially since ankle boots come in so many styles, shapes, colors, heel heights, and price points. So check out these 20 booties for fall.
Fall just gives us the warm fuzzies—and not because of the turning of the leaves, football games, or the excuse to eat pumpkin-flavored everything. We can finally wear our very best coats incorporating the newest fashion trends (and there are so many options out there). So make the most of this wonderful time—before the puffy-jacket-required winter rears its blustery head—with these 15 coat and jacket picks for all budgets.
As beauty editors, we thought we had heard (and made!) every hairstyling mistake out there. We no longer use uncoated elastics or rough up our hair with a towel when we get out of the shower, and we even fully embrace the benefits of hair masks. But during a visit with Herbal Essences celebrity stylist Charles Baker Strahan, we learned some new, seriously next-level tips. Read on for better hair days ahead.
Expert tips on how to style the newest fall fashion trend.
Transitioning your wardrobe from season to season is a masterful fashion feat (a.k.a. it’s just plain hard). While it’s not quite the right time to bust out the fall fashion trends just yet, that head-to-toe white look that you worked all summer isn’t really going to work anymore either. So what’s a stylish girl to do? Let’s look to these fashion influencers and see how they rock the in-between season with great aplomb! The chicest summer-to-fall outfit ideas you have ever seen are right this way.
There isn't a single beauty trend that's as high drama, sultry, and decidedly timeless as the cat eye. Through the decades, the feminine flick has graced the lash lines of many of the greats, from '50s silver screen siren Sophia Loren to modern crooner Lana Del Rey. As an ode to the winged liner look, we're looking back at the most 20 most iconic iterations on the illustrious women that made them famous. Learn how to paint on perfect black winged eyes here.
Even though the ’90s and early aughts seem rather far off now that those of us who grew up then have graduated to full-on careers, families, and investment bags, I’m here to let you know: get millennials started talking about the style moments and must-buys that peppered their history and you can’t shut them up. When we had the chance to play around with some of Coach’s new fall bags, it managed to bring up a group-wide memory of living for the brand’s wristlets, circa freshman year of college. From there, the memories of stuff I wanted so bad, from elementary school onward, came pouring out. I’m presenting it all here, supplemented with some contributions from the rest of the Glamour team.
We’re living in the age of the selfie. This year, the word was officially added to the dictionary (we even got variations, like “belfie”—we’ll let you Google that one); the entire Obama family got in on the act; and a major TV network added a show called Selfie to its fall lineup. Oh, and you didn’t even have to watch this year’s Oscars to know that the biggest winner of all was not a film, but in fact the selfie. So it’s about time you learn how to take a really, really good one.