Sex with an ex is common post-breakup
Plus, an expert tells us why revisiting romance is a terrible idea.
For many young adults, "ex sex" is just part of the breakup process. At least that's what a new study from Lucas County, Ohio has found.
Researchers collected data on 792 "emerging adults" between the ages of 17 to 24. All had been in a relationship in the past two years, and the study authors found that nearly half (44 percent) had hooked up with an ex post-breakup.
More on MSN Living: Kissing dos and don'ts
Researchers and relationship experts agree—post-breakup sex is a bad idea. In an article in the Journal of Adolescent Research, the study's authors wrote:
"Those who stay in contact following a breakup continue to feel the pain of the breakup more intensely and may have more difficulty moving on. Previous research found that college students who had sex with their exes mostly described this as a 'difficult or negative event.'"
More on MSN Living: 50 wedding cost-cutting tips from real bridesDating expert Shay "Your Date Diva" Williams agrees. She's a certified dating and relationship coach and has written extensively on the topic of "ex sex." She tells The Heart Beat that young adults may be more likely to hop in the sack with an ex for three reasons:
"Most times it is their first time at love or really bonding with another, and it is hard to break away from those strong attachments."
Second, they lack the experience to realize that "sex with the ex is a dead end street that leads to more pain and heartache." And finally, it’s a familiar and comfortable way to find sexual satisfaction. For young ladies, this may be especially appealing, as they can avoid the stigma of increasing their "sexual number," Williams explains.
Aside from the obvious issue of prolonged heartbreak, Williams says there are a variety of reasons why ex sex is an awful idea.
"My favorite saying is that 'if the paint was wet when you got up, it will be still wet when you try to sit back down!' There is a reason why the relationship ended. Introducing sex into a situation with no boundaries leaves everyone emotionally vulnerable and unable to fully let go and trust each other. This leads to a downhill spiral of dysfunction in the relationship as it removes any motivation for the male to win back the affections of his ex. Sex with the ex is self-torture at it's best."
If youth is wasted on the young, then so is precautionary advice. We've all lived through a time when "do now, think later" was our main mantra. So what if you've already revisited romance and are now dealing with the repressions?
"The only way to start clearing your system of the surge of this hormone is to cut one's self off cold turkey," Williams tells us. "It will hurt at first but with time, a growing self-love and determination, you will wonder what you ever saw in the ex in the first place."
Bing: It's divorce season?!
Photo: Assembly/Getty Images
Ummm, the study only took into account people ages 17 to 24 who had been in a relationship in the past two years?? You can't base an entire study on just the horniest age group and translate that to everyone!!
like a fav dish at a buffet, nothing wrong with going for seconds
a smart girl knows her limits a wise girl knows she has none ;)
When the carton of milk in the frig tastes bad you throw it out. You don't put the rotten milk back in the frig for later. Same goes with ex's. Toss it and move on cause it won't get any fresher/better in time. There is always new milk at the store that will satisfy your palate. (this is a hard won lessen served to you for free).
Having sex with an ex is a good thing if you are single, and so is your ex. It can give you the much needed break from sexual frustrations. And it makes things easier.
Sex with an ex is like getting intimate with someone you know and trust, and they can provide the perfect mix of pleasure and security. You’re not treading on any new ground, you know what to expect, and you like that.
As tempting as it can be, focus on why you broke up with your ex in the first place. And if you have to be friends, try not to think of them as moving sex toys. It may feel nice at first, but it only takes a few passionate nights together in bed to bring back the old memories of a love that never was, and a few more nights of carnal abuse to mess your world up.
Several years ago a semi-drunk young lady was hitting on me in a bar. She explained a girls needs three men:
1) The one she's with.
2) The one she's seeing on the sly.
3) The one on the waiting list, after being tried out and passing the "test".
I declined. Oh, being #3 sounded nice, but being #1 and 2 didn't sound so hot.
beauty tips and style advice
The only thing better than discovering your favorite beauty product is finding one that does the job of two (or three!). Streamline your makeup kit with this versatile selection of hard-working essentials.
Buying a wedding dress doesn’t have to break the bank. While you’ll probably find a limited selection of wedding dresses for less than $300 at bridal boutiques, there are plenty of options in that price range if you check out less-traditional spots (think department stores and online-only shops). And don’t overlook gowns intended for bridesmaids—or even prom season. A simple, unfussy dress becomes wedding-worthy with some sparkly accessories and veil. Here are stunning options with fabulous price tags.
Avoid the hype at the makeup counter by sticking to this list of tried and true performers that will help you look your best day in and day out.
See Kate's best looks from Australia.
The springtime is the best time to press the reset button on your wardrobe, and given the great new fashion that’s hitting stores right now, there are a myriad of ways to reboot and refresh. Of the nine must-try trends this season, it can be tough to choose a favorite. Perhaps you’re feeling for a graphic floral? And maybe the season’s sport-luxe look fits your style too? That said, if you’re picking battles where your budget is concerned, the idea of a complete spring makeover can be overwhelming. Fret not, our biannual 100+ Under $100 Guide pulls pieces inspired by both the runways and the pages of the magazine together—at the perfect price.
We raided the aisles to find the best cheapie formulas for you.
As of this morning, I have decided that Kate Middleton should just tour things forever so we get to see more updos like the one she wore last night at a reception hosted by the Governor General Peter Cosgrove in Canberra, Australia.
Dressing for the office doesn't have to boring. Follow these style and beauty tips and you'll be sure to impress.
Every year, we look to the biggest names in bridal beauty and fashion design to pinpoint the hottest bridal hair and makeup ideas – keeping in mind of course that this is a wedding (no crazy neon mascara here). This year, bridal beauty has gone extra natural and romantic -- think messy braids, wispy hair, natural eye makeup and more.
You’ve got the dress. You’ve got the venue, date, and invitations. The last thing you need to complete your wedding day? An amazing pair of shoes to wear as you walk down the aisle!
With the dress as the main focus, you want the hair to be understated. An updo does just that. But there's a difference between understated and boring. Adding simple accessories, like a pin or flower, is just enough decoration to the hair. Let these gorgeous pins serve as inspiration for finding a simple, yet understated, wedding hairstyle.
Just when we were getting used to seeing beards everywhere, it may be time for men who enjoy the attention of the opposite sex to invest in some shaving paraphernalia. In a new University of New South Wales study, researchers found that “when people are confronted by a succession of bearded men, clean-shaven men become [...]