40 trends we’re sick of seeing
by Amy Leigh Morgan
There are possibly 20 people at any one time on this fair planet who look good in DayGlo colors. And once a year they all get together, resplendent in their bright finery, and laugh their heads off at the rest of us.
They flatten your butt, showcase your belly and make it look like your waist begins underneath your boobs. Of course they're popular.
What's the fastest way to cheapen the symbol of a powerful and subversive philosophy? Paint it pink, cover it in sparkles and print it all over the world's most disposable fashions. Kids, it's time to let this noble old soldier retire in (ahem) peace.
Justin Bieber hair
The only people who can get away with wearing the Justin Bieber hairdo nowadays are the lovely ladies over at the Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber tumblr. Even Justin Bieber doesn't rock that swept-forward style anymore, so back away from the hairspray.
Barbie can rock a blue eyeshadow like nobody's business but, like her anatomically impossible figure, that's just not a realistic expectation for real human beings.
If you want to look like you're working a truck stop on the outskirts of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, by all means wriggle into a pair of these and go get 'em, tiger. Don't forget to flash a little butt cheek while you're at it—it's great for business.
When 'Watchmen' creator Alan Moore put a bullet through the forehead of the classic smiley face, it seemed like a fitting end to an oppressively pervasive and outworn graphic. But, like the zombie apocalypse, Smiley rose from the grave...with a vengeance. Hopefully someone will find an antidote soon.
Remember back in 1984 when Madonna blew everyone's mind by wearing a rosary while singing about sex? It was exciting. Transgressive. Naughty, even. Thirty years later, though, fashion crosses are as tired and middle-aged as your parents. Give 'em a rest, will ya?
Head-to-toe floral prints
Head-to-toe floral prints were interesting and vaguely avant-garde for about 15 minutes. Which, according to Andy Warhol, means they need to move on now and stop hogging the spotlight. Looking like your great-grandmother's sofa is so last season.
When Miuccia Prada gets bored and depressed, she gets everyone to wear $500 clown sunglasses to make herself feel better. Stop encouraging her.