The Married Chick The Knot the married chick

'I Love You' In the Digital Age

A new study shows that technology is dehumanizing relationships. And this is news?

By The Married Chick Aug 1, 2012 9:11PM

textingAccording to a report called The Psychology of SMS, women are more likely to say "I love you" via text message. I’ll be the first to say that I’m addicted to texting. But when I met my husband, I didn’t really text as much as I do now. So, of course, our first “I love you”s were the face-to-face kind. We argue about who said it first (it was me), but it was definitely an in-person proclamation.

When I read about this study, I wasn’t surprised at all. But as a true romantic (not a hopeless one; a hopeful one!), I was saddened. Mainly because I know that digital communication is well on its way toward replacing genuine, heart-thumping, palm-sweating human love interaction. I can remember long phone calls with my high school boyfriend. I lived for nights when I’d stay up past midnight, chatting with him about everything under the sun, hanging onto his every word. My kids will probably live this experience via IMs and text messages, typed at about 200 wpm! What’s the heart-thumping, adrenaline-pumping pleasure in that? I can see setting up plans or sharing gossip via text, but saying “I love you?” It can’t possibly have the same impact when you’re reading it for the first time on your PDA (pun intended).

What do you think about the trend toward professing your love via text: upsetting or inevitable?

More from The Nest:

Photo: Thinkstock / The Nest
Oct 27, 2012 1:50PM

   You may call me old fashioned, but I enjoy the sound of " I love you" coming from the lips of my wife.


I also like the new age of technology and being able to still say it when we are apart. I am currently deployed in Afghanistan, and I am only able to get that "i love you" from    e-mail or messenger. I try to "see" my wife as often as I can via webcam and chat with her about the simplest things and activities of daily life. I tell her it is my "little piece of Heaven while I am here in Hell" and she understands. When I get back from a mission and get to my room the first thing I do is get onto my computer and see if she has sent me a little message just to brighten my day, not every day will I have a message and I understand (we are miles and time zones apart), but I look forward to being able to go to my little piece of "Heaven" once she is able to get away from the required daily activities and login to her computer.


One thing that has to be understood is prior to me deploying, we had set the foundation of our love in being together and sharing that physical contact that has been lost with todays generations. So when I do get that "I love you" or when I send that "I love you" we both know it is coming from our hearts because of the many times we have shared our love together and our physical contact with each other.


Additionally, I do live in the digital era, since I met my wife via a online dating website, but with my first available chance (was currently deployed in Iraq when I met her) I made a trip to go meet her. There was no way I was going to continue an online relationship without a physical meeting her. After spending a few weeks with each other and really enjoying our spent time together, we went back to our converstions via internet until I made the arrangements for her to move in with me. After 3 months of living together we decided to wed and we have never looked back.


It is hard to be away from each other for these long periods of time, but being able to meet online and also have a long distance relationship via internet prior to becoming husband and wife it has built a strong relationship of commitment, trust and love. During the times of being physically together we have always put our love and relationship as a priority and that is why I am able to continue on with that little "I love you" in my inbox at the end of the day because it come from the heart. 

Aug 6, 2012 5:47AM
Haven't women been saying it more since Adam hooked up with Eve? Even though the tech changes (stone tablet/mail/telegraph/telephone/wireless), Women will always say it more. When I or the spouse travel apart we text at least once a day with at least one "I luv U".
Aug 6, 2012 2:08AM

I'm looking at Donatello746 reply;


Yes, is true we are more detatched and maybe it's because were too connected as they say " how can I miss you if you never left" . Insincerity today is actually construed as a

strength as the subtext is everyone knows there is no commitments people and things are disposable to keep and not dispose of is not in keeping with modern consumerist  behavior.



Aug 6, 2012 2:03AM

Sometimes there's just too much technology.  After staring at my computer screens (all 3 of them) M-F 8-5 with the phone attached to my ear; the last thing I want to do when I get home is to get back on a computer or some other device that connects me with the rest of the world.  The cell phone gets turned off and left in the other room and I limit internet time to 15 minutes before retiring for the night.  My time with hubby is just that... MY time with hubby.  I'm not sharing my time with him with the rest of the world. 


Evenings and weekends are our times to connect and to talk.  This is very important to the both of us. 


We both agree that it's pretty sad to see entire families sitting at the same table for family dinner and none of them are communicating with each other.  Each and every one of them are "texting" someone else.  I've even seen parents keep their 2 and 3 year old kids quiet by handing them an iPad.  What the heck?!


Am the only one that sees something wrong with that?!


Time to get back to basis, I think.



Aug 6, 2012 1:41AM
"And this is news?" is right.

Nothing about being a human being today remotely resembles what it meant to be one just 200 years ago. We're all, despite having the technology to connect with one another more readily than ever before, more detached from each other than at any time in our species' history. We're cynical. We're surrounded by duplicity and coldness, and so we begin to think that this is the norm.

Those of us who still value love - the emotion, not the concept - are considered strange, corny, old fashioned. Commitment is a flexible concept today. Loyalty means nothing. It's a concept for fictional characters in a video game or a movie. Real people don't expect other real people to ACTUALLY "love" them. That's just ridiculous now. It's actually frowned upon if anything because surely that kind of antiquated thinking and feeling is just a sign of something being wrong with you.

So the distance that texting gives people feels naturally inviting. It allows them to play out the detached fantasy of love in a world where surely that's all there is. Face to face is too real, and that's somehow not natural or normal anymore.

In a word, it's heartbreaking.

Aug 6, 2012 1:23AM
I refuse to text.  People are getting away from human contact, especially so in relationships.  If you don't wan't to hear my voice during long talks as much as I love to hear your....your not worth my time.
Aug 5, 2012 9:19PM

I totaly agree, technology is GreaT BUT Nothing is beter than a VOICe and INpersON.

IM 32 I've Had the Pleasure to BE Involved with Both ERAs of Late Night, well with Me Was Till Sun COming UP conVO, any type of communicateing other than speaking on phone, People take adVantage oF. And Mojority follows FullY. Dnt get me wrong Its angood Deal, BUT Not The BEst, Eye to eye with Ya Partner, Friend wHom eveR YOur EmotinonallY and SExually cONNecTed To Thts the ESsesncer, Take it From a MAN GrowN Black Man.


Seriously Phone Cool But the BOdy is waRMer, and the EAr Loves Sound,

eSpecaly that Voice, you have question you to ask just get another perspective get at me, yet follow with twitter, you can reach me ther working on a Web Page for that Cool relax serious Convo with laughter, LIFE Is Real, get at me 
Twitter, jON Coleman  @  DaMaN4TRE4_J1,

Take Care  ALL,


Aug 5, 2012 9:19PM
And this is news. There is no such thing as a letter, or card or even a good old fashioned phone call. IM's text, email. No person to person conversation.
Please help us to maintain a healthy and vibrant community by reporting any illegal or inappropriate behavior. If you believe a message violates theCode of Conductplease use this form to notify the moderators. They will investigate your report and take appropriate action. If necessary, they report all illegal activity to the proper authorities.
100 character limit
Are you sure you want to delete this comment?
about the married chick
buzzing now on msn living
editor's picks
relationships videos