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The Married Chick The Knot the married chick

6 most annoying cookout couples

Nothing says summer like a good ol’ barbecue. And nothing saying annoying like a twosome who, well, pretty much ruins it.

By The Married Chick Jul 1, 2013 10:40PM
Photo: Couple cookout // Veer For the love of burgers, brats and beer, avoid inviting these duos to your own backyard bash – and don’t let yourselves become one of them.

The Grill Masters

Probably the most common type, this couple is not shy about voicing their opinions when it comes to manning the grill. Step aside and let a pro show you how it’s done. Did you know 10 degrees higher would make the perfect grill mark? That you really want to flip the burgers twice for ultimate perfection? That it’s really all about the charcoal? You do now. And don’t worry – these helpful tips will continue well after the food has been served. “This is a good burger, but you know what would make it better?” Oh, you will.


The Sharers

This couple is in love. Really in love. Doubt it? Well, take a look: They’re sharing a plate, they’re sharing food – they’re even sharing a seat, even though there are plenty of empty ones. Think that’s bad? Pool-party throwers, beware: This couple becomes even more in love when wet. (Yes, we’re talking about pool make-out sessions.)


The Booze Hounds

This couple starts out as the life of the party: They brought their famous sangria, and all is right with the world. But in about five seconds flat, their personal stock is depleted and they're about three beers in. Problem is, the food isn’t even ready yet. By the time it is, they’re bringing out limes and raiding the liquor cabinet, raring to do tequila shots. Unless you enjoy watching them make a spectacle of themselves that they won’t even remember, make sure to lock that cabinet. Seriously.


The Self-Important Minglers

We’re all for being social, but this couple takes it to a whole new level, turning a simple backyard shindig into their own personal reality TV show audition. From gossip about the new neighbor down the street to remarks about his new business venture and her new blog, which has gotten “so much press” lately, you’d think there were cameras hiding in the bushes – because they have to be performing for someone, right? This just isn’t normal. Anyway, you must excuse them for a moment – there’s someone they just have to talk to.


The Health Nuts

Don’t get us wrong – being mindful of what one eats is admirable. But this twosome takes it a little too far. It’s not enough that they ask for special soy patties found only in the next town over and want to scrape down the grill since it came into contact with your meat, but they don’t even want to start cooking their patties until the meat smell completely burns off your grill. Oh, and that coleslaw you made with yogurt? They would eat it, but you didn’t use the all-organic, special probiotic Greek yogurt, so they’ll have to pass. “Did you even buy that cabbage locally?”


The Above-It-Alls

“Omigod! You’re having a cookout? That’s so cute! I haven’t been to one of those in ages,” is probably the response you got from one of these two. Bratwursts? They prefer artisan sausage. Bud Light? They only drink craft brews. And don’t even get them started on your store-bought guacamole. You’d think they wouldn’t show up at all, but you’re wrong: They’ll sit down and chow down if invited. After all, they consider this an anthropological exploration.


More from The Nest:
The Most Practical Relationship Advice -- Ever!
Watch Other Couples Duke It Out
Tips for Avoiding the Newlywed Nine

133Comments
Jul 8, 2013 9:44PM
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This is a funny article. I enjoyed reading it.
Jul 8, 2013 8:31PM
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Maybe I'm just taking too simplistic of a view of things (as I've been accused of in the past), but personally, I think a good rule of thumb is this: If you're having a cookout, party, or whatever, don't invite people you don't like or find annoying.  Is it really that hard?  Well, maybe it is if you have annoying neighbors who notice every social occasion you have at your home and come over to crash each one of them.

 

Of all the couples on the list, I think the health nuts and the above-it-alls would be the most annoying for me.  I've worked with people like that.  In fact, I recall a former coworker who would inspect people's lunches to see that they fit her standards of healthy.  Needless to say, she's never been invited to anything at my home.

Jul 8, 2013 8:29PM
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Or how about the couple that has to dress up as if they were going to the opera, or the one person enmeshed in a midlife crisis who wears too much makeup and too little fabric?
Jul 8, 2013 8:21PM
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Double dippers, samplers (the ones who break off pieces of other peoples' food for quality control), and the dreaded mystery food provider (we can see the green stuff, but is it an herb or...gulp...mold?)  I have yet to go to a barbecue where somebody doesn't brag about "just throwing something together".  Like I want to sample your peanut butter mayonnaise noodle surprise...
Jul 8, 2013 6:12PM
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Guests who complain about anything are just rude and should be permanently crossed off the party list!  You don't like what's being served?  Don't eat it, but don't bitch about it either.

 

No, the worst guests are the one's who invite themselves (because you have a pool!) and then show up empty handed with a passle of hungry kids who pee in your pool and then track water over your new floors.

Jul 8, 2013 5:20PM
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a friend who comes and eats ALL of your food leaving almost nothing for other guest.  Also those who bring food or drinks to the picnic and then take it with when they leave, after they have eaten ALL of your other food

Jul 8, 2013 5:06PM
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The health nuts are BY FAR the worst.
Jul 2, 2013 9:10PM
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the one who bring their teenagers/college kids with who then stalk the grownups and talk like they have earned the rights of an adult -even worse when the parents let them drink too
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