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The Married Chick The Knot the married chick

4 newlywed rules to ignore

You don't have to buy into other people's expectations.

By The Married Chick Jun 10, 2013 10:02PM
Photo: Couple kissing // GettyDoes it ever seem like there are expectations you're supposed to live up to as newlyweds? And if you don't buy into them, you're not doing the whole married thing right? Well, we say forget that. Here are some so-called rules you shouldn't think twice about ignoring.

Rule 1: You have to be Mr. and Mrs. Same Name/Same Account/Same Life

Ignore it. Maybe your friends were psyched when they finally got to use return address stickers featuring their new last name. But there's no set rule on how you two should go about merging; you have to do what's right for you, and that could mean keeping your name and maintaining your own accounts. If you're on the fence, consider using a joint account for all your household bills, while maintaining personal checking and savings accounts for all your other expenses. Just one quick trip to the bank, and you're done. No identity crisis necessary.

Rule 2: Once you're married, you need to put a five-year plan into place

Ignore it. Some couples have their entire future mapped out. "We'll probably move to the burbs by '14, and then we'll have to start thinking about having kids — two girls and a boy — and buttering up to preschools in the area." Alrighty then. Just because pals may have a master plan — including the month they want to conceive — doesn't mean you should, especially since life rarely goes according to plan anyway.

Rule 3: You need to phase out your individual friends and meet new couples

Ignore it. Why is it that as soon as you get hitched, you're expected to be hot on the trail of other duos to befriend? You're still the same people you were before you got married, so don't buy into the pressure to fill some arbitrary couples quota. The individual friends you've had for years — the ones that were with you long before your spouse showed up — are still a big part of your lives, even if they're at different stages.

Rule 4: You should spend all your free time together

Ignore it. Having quality time together is important, but you had a full life before getting hitched, and you still should now. Schedule more nights doing your own thing or take a short vacation if the opportunity comes up. Yes, your other half will survive – and may even thank you.

What newlywed rules did you and your partner choose to ignore?

More from The Nest:
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Photo: Getty

27Comments
Jun 15, 2013 3:11AM
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Never spend ALL of your time together or you will kill each other. Plan somethings but let somethings just happen. You can try to plan but life never really happens that way. I agree with goals and so on but both person's needs need to be addressed even if not met. 

The hardest thing my wife and I learned was if we were moving together in life or just around each other when we moved. That will make sense with time.

Listen to advice but always with a grain of salt. No one can tell you what's right for the two of you but don't think you can't learn something from different types of people.

My only real advice. Be about each other. No one will want you two to make it like you. Be about each other in thought and action. If your relationship is real nothing or no one can be above each other.
Jun 15, 2013 1:48AM
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We have separate accounts and credit cards. We worked on different shifts for about 10 years. My wife will be going to North Carolina to visit her friends and then to Myrtle Beach. I usually go to movies on the weekend because she doesn't like them. She watches sports talk shows. I hate them. We still get along great. For her 70 degrees is very cold. For me 70 degrees is almost too hot.

Still going after 39 years

Jun 15, 2013 1:00AM
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all of them. his friend hated me and so what he stilled talked to them and went places with them. He  would take his own vacation as my work schedule did not permit me to leave. And when it did we went placed together. It made us stronger and better friends. Till death do you part is what happened to us he passed away and I am still in touch with family and some friends that learned to like me HA-HA.
Jun 15, 2013 12:47AM
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Only married 10 yrs. Spend every second of free time together.  Love being with each other--laughing, talking, debating, etc.--I guess we're doomed...
Jun 14, 2013 11:38PM
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#1 Thing to Ignore for Young Married Couples

All marital advice articles on websites and in magazines.
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Rule 5: Listen to the brain trust at MSN for ideas on how to live your life.
Ignore it: they're left wing nuts and have never produced a good idea in any of these relationship advice.

Jun 14, 2013 8:23PM
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I never heard of any of those rules.  On the 5-year plans though, it would probably be smart to plan your finances out at least that far.  With retirement plans, every year wasted is precious amount of interest/dividends down the drain that will make a world of difference 20 years down the road.  You can't trust the government to take care of your retirement, so you better have something in place for your future.  Failing to plan is planning to fail...
Jun 14, 2013 5:47PM
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Secret to a long lasting marriage? " Yes Dear!"
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