More Couples Sleeping in Separate Beds, Survey Finds
One expert explains how splitting up can bring couples together.
Recent surveys show that more couples are sleeping separately, and while some may think this would create a bar in intimacy, it's actually saving relationships.
In fact, sleeping separately is becoming so common that the National Association of Home Builders expects that 60 percent of custom-built homes will include dual master bedrooms in the year 2015.
A study from the National Sleep Foundation found that 25 percent of couples in the U.S. sleep separately; similarly, a recent British survey found that one in 10 British couples also sleep in separate beds. The Heart Beat talked to relationship expert Dr. Tracey Marks, the author of Master Your Sleep. She advocates separate sleeping and tells us why it's a good idea for some couples.
"With some couples, one partner is severely sleep deprived because the other partner keeps them awake with snoring, restlessness, keeping the room too hot, etc.," Dr. Marks tells us. "If the sleep deprivation makes you cranky, it's going to affect your relationship and you would be better off sleeping in a different bed so you can be in a better mood with your partner."
Conventionally, the notion of sleeping in the same bed is thought to create intimacy between spouses. But as Marks explains in a Huffington Post piece:
"While the media presents images of loving couples sleeping contentedly in each other's arms all night long, for many the reality is much different."
And she's right. A recent survey actually shows that couples fight 167 times a year in the bedroom. The number one cause of those fights is blanket hogging, followed by snoring and being too hot. These are all things that can easily be remedied by declaring your bedroom independence.
"The main problem arises when one partner feels rejected by it," Marks tells us. "Intellectually he may understand why it's a good idea, but he struggles with the idea that his partner doesn't want him. I think this is a more likely outcome when there are underlying relationship problems and sleeping apart just compounds the problems and makes things feel less intimate."
Her answer for proposing the idea is to make sure that you start with a "clean slate," otherwise sleeping apart could exacerbate whatever problems are happening in the relationship.
But what about sex?
"Sleeping in separate beds can't mean no more sex," Marks says. "Sex is for waking hours, so do it before you go to sleep so that sleep and sex are completely distinct entities."
Sounds easy enough. But as Marks mentioned, the media does present couples as bed-sharers, so there is a bit of a stigma with splitting up in the bedroom.
"People are going to take your lead in reacting to your situation," Dr. Marks tells us. "That is, if you are conflicted about it and mention it as though you are admitting some deep dark secret, the listener is going to respond that way…But if you are resolved that you are doing what's best for your relationship and both you and partner are fine with it, you can talk about it with confidence and emphasize how much more intimate your relationship is because of it."
And as for talking about it with your children, Marks advises:
"Whatever the reason is for needing to sleep separately, you emphasize the positive—dad and mom like it this way, mom and dad think it's important to get a good night's sleep, mom and dad like to cuddle in the same room while they are awake, but once we fall asleep we're not aware that we're not in the same bed, etc."
What do you think? Do you and your partner sleep in separate beds? Would you try it to keep from fighting in the bedroom?
Photo: Brad Wilson/Getty Images
More Love & Sex from MSN Living:
love: friendships, dating, sex & marriage
This just in: A new study shows girls are warriors in the womb.
You can make a pros and cons list...but ultimately you know what works best for you.
Maggie Reyes is a life coach, writer, and the founder of ModernMarried.com. She helps newlyweds re-think what married life can be. Here, she’s revealing tricks every newlywed couple needs to know.
Government-supported Vietnamese classes teach women Korean language, customs.
Whether you're into creative artists or uber-preppy bankers, there's something to be said for trying something new.
Sometimes two characters on a TV show or movie can portray being a happy couple effortlessly, or can have lots of fun playing former spouses — especially if they're married to each other in real life! Keep scrolling for six celebrity costars you probably didn't know tied the knot, even after the bloodiest and craziest story lines.
Some couples want nothing more than a laid-back, by-the-book proposal. Then there are the other couples, where the proposal not only needs to be personalized, it also has to be unique and entirely different than the typical restaurant, bended-knee idea. Sound like you? Then get inspired by some of the most creative proposal ideas we’ve ever seen. If you find something you like, steal it and then modify it to make your proposal something totally unforgettable.
From Nantucket all the way to Cayo Espanto, we've rounded up some of the prettiest beaches to travel to for your honeymoon.
Researchers studied the age-old stereotype that women really are more talkative than men.
'There is a science behind attraction,' SingldOut says.
One minute you're happy and in love, the next he's delivering the "It's not you, it's me" speech. Why? We have the scoop on the real reasons most couples split up.
Want to keep your wedding budget in check? Start by checking out this list of the 10 things that could end up costing you a lot more than you anticipated.