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The Heart Beat The Heart Beat blog

Men No Longer Willing to Pay For First Date, Survey Finds

Let's split hairs over splitting the bill, shall we?

By Kristin Wong Sep 24, 2012 3:34PM

As the gender gap narrows in the Western world, more men seem to be speaking up about something they believe to be unfair: paying for the first date.

 

Photo: Getty Images

 

In a recent survey, only a third of men polled said they would be willing to pay for a first date. More than half of men said going dutch on a first date is fair. Most men surveyed said they would ask for a contribution from their date.

One might look at these stats and say chivalry is dead, but is it erroneous to equate chivalry with money in the first place?

Website Fridayfriday.com carried out the survey, and a spokesperson told the Daily Mail:

"This may sound a little unromantic, but our poll has revealed that, for many, they simply don’t have as much cash as they may once have…and therefore are keen to ensure their spending doesn’t spiral."

So perhaps it's less about gender equality and more about the recession. In fact, women still statistically make less than men. But at the same time, more women are marrying men who make less than them. Personally, the majority of women in my life actually earn more than their male significant others, and I've noticed that those women also take turns paying for dates.

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The spokesperson continues:

"Some of those surveyed pointed to the fact that the gap between male and female pay [is] still shrinking and therefore it [isn't] unreasonable to expect some money on their part."

The gap is narrowing, sure, but we aren't there yet. That being said, should money have anything to do with romance in the first place? The Daily Mail reported:

"The true gentlemen out there are numbered," and "It seems that chivalry is dead…"

While it's been instilled in us over the years that chivalry is associated with paying for a woman's meal, perhaps it's time to socially evolve from this notion. Admittedly, while I think things should be split in an established relationship, I still instinctively find it romantic for a guy to pay on the first date, too. But can't men still be gentlemen without cash being involved? Or is there something to be said for being old-fashioned?

Either way, the survey continues, with one in five men saying they'd be happy to pay for parts of the night, including a round of drinks, but forking over money for the whole evening is out of the question. Five percent of men said they'd be happy to allow the women to pay for the whole shebang. A whopping 91 percent said that they would leave a bad date early in order to save some money.

"Increasing financial pressures was cited as the number one reason behind the decision; however, many of those polled stated that they felt it was unfair, or even a little embarrassing, to pay for the date," the spokesperson continued.

One suggestion that's emerged from this debate is that the person who suggests the date should pay for the date. Sounds reasonable enough.

But what do you think? Should men still be expected to pay for the first date?

Photo: Getty Images

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31Comments
Feb 21, 2013 3:30PM
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Men are becoming losers. Men are supposed to be the strong protectors and providers that provide security to their families. That's what they have always been! Now they are becoming worthless, weak, pathetic, lazy, self absorbed, greedy, whiny little brats. I can't respect that. What woman wants that in her life? Grow up, get a job, take responsibility, and be a MAN. Be someone that a woman could actually respect and WANT in her life and just maybe you'll get a second date. 
Nov 19, 2012 4:12AM
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,
 
I think you summed up the reason that men should pay!  Quite simply, there are 10 girls for every guy.  No, it's not fair that men still have to feel obligated to pay.  It's not fair that they usually have to ask her out, and risk the fear of rejection, or the agony of planning an entire evening out, only to find that she was not impressed.  After awhile, if she's halfway decent, the relationship will become more 50/50.  But in the beginning, the man has to do the startup work.  The only thing that men don't really have to worry about, that a woman does, is getting raped or physically beaten.  Although, having a man pay for her on a first date doesn't mean that he will or won't be a guy like just described, they might tell you that it's not a good sign.  It's plain ****ing stupid!  Did you ladies ever think that the guy might be trying to buy something other than your meal, with his money?  Hmmm.
 
Personally, I think that the women have it in mind that even if the date doesn't work out, she can at least get a free meal out of it.  Therefore, they feel that they have nothing to lose, because let's face it.....THEY DON'T!  Maybe that's why some guys are apprehensive about paying on the first date?  They don't want to get taken advantage of.  I'm just throwing that out there though.   
 
Anyway, guys, you have to either accept the ****, be lonely for the rest of your life, or settle for some emotionally damaged(been raped in the past, has daddy issues, or is fat and no guy wants her).  Try asking a hottie that is emotionally stable if she would like to hang out for a first date.  See what she tells you lol. 
 
I don't wanna be alone for the rest of my life, or be with someone that I don't find at least somewhat attractive(personality or physique wise).  So guys, we just have to cough up the dough. 
 
Oh yeah, when you're married and you do the outside work exclusively, and she's bitching because you don't do more "around the house", remember that this relationship is 50/50, but women don't typically like to take care of the outside work.  It shouldn't bother you, if you love her though. 
Nov 19, 2012 4:12AM
avatar
,
 
I think you summed up the reason that men should pay!  Quite simply, there are 10 girls for every guy.  No, it's not fair that men still have to feel obligated to pay.  It's not fair that they usually have to ask her out, and risk the fear of rejection, or the agony of planning an entire evening out, only to find that she was not impressed.  After awhile, if she's halfway decent, the relationship will become more 50/50.  But in the beginning, the man has to do the startup work.  The only thing that men don't really have to worry about, that a woman does, is getting raped or physically beaten.  Although, having a man pay for her on a first date doesn't mean that he will or won't be a guy like just described, they might tell you that it's not a good sign.  It's plain ****ing stupid!  Did you ladies ever think that the guy might be trying to buy something other than your meal, with his money?  Hmmm.
 
Personally, I think that the women have it in mind that even if the date doesn't work out, she can at least get a free meal out of it.  Therefore, they feel that they have nothing to lose, because let's face it.....THEY DON'T!  Maybe that's why some guys are apprehensive about paying on the first date?  They don't want to get taken advantage of.  I'm just throwing that out there though.   
 
Anyway, guys, you have to either accept the ****, be lonely for the rest of your life, or settle for some emotionally damaged(been raped in the past, has daddy issues, or is fat and no guy wants her).  Try asking a hottie that is emotionally stable if she would like to hang out for a first date.  See what she tells you lol. 
 
I don't wanna be alone for the rest of my life, or be with someone that I don't find at least somewhat attractive(personality or physique wise).  So guys, we just have to cough up the dough. 
 
Oh yeah, when you're married and you do the outside work exclusively, and she's bitching because you don't do more "around the house", remember that this relationship is 50/50, but women don't typically like to take care of the outside work.  It shouldn't bother you, if you love her though. 
Nov 19, 2012 4:11AM
avatar
,
 
I think you summed up the reason that men should pay!  Quite simply, there are 10 girls for every guy.  No, it's not fair that men still have to feel obligated to pay.  It's not fair that they usually have to ask her out, and risk the fear of rejection, or the agony of planning an entire evening out, only to find that she was not impressed.  After awhile, if she's halfway decent, the relationship will become more 50/50.  But in the beginning, the man has to do the startup work.  The only thing that men don't really have to worry about, that a woman does, is getting raped or physically beaten.  Although, having a man pay for her on a first date doesn't mean that he will or won't be a guy like just described, they might tell you that it's not a good sign.  It's plain ****ing stupid!  Did you ladies ever think that the guy might be trying to buy something other than your meal, with his money?  Hmmm.
 
Personally, I think that the women have it in mind that even if the date doesn't work out, she can at least get a free meal out of it.  Therefore, they feel that they have nothing to lose, because let's face it.....THEY DON'T!  Maybe that's why some guys are apprehensive about paying on the first date?  They don't want to get taken advantage of.  I'm just throwing that out there though.   
 
Anyway, guys, you have to either accept the ****, be lonely for the rest of your life, or settle for some emotionally damaged(been raped in the past, has daddy issues, or is fat and no guy wants her).  Try asking a hottie that is emotionally stable if she would like to hang out for a first date.  See what she tells you lol. 
 
I don't wanna be alone for the rest of my life, or be with someone that I don't find at least somewhat attractive(personality or physique wise).  So guys, we just have to cough up the dough. 
 
Oh yeah, when you're married and you do the outside work exclusively, and she's bitching because you don't do more "around the house", remember that this relationship is 50/50, but women don't typically like to take care of the outside work.  It shouldn't bother you, if you love her though. 
Oct 22, 2012 10:33PM
avatar

I'm 43 and was raised that the man should pay for the date. Most men that I've dated (my age or older) have agreed. The only different 'rule' that I've come across is we'd meet at a mutual, public spot and if we're not in to each other then we would go our separate ways or if we were interested in getting to know each other we'd go to a restaurant.

I'm not a gold digger by any means and I have no problem paying for following dates. But if a guy is too cheap to pay for a meal, then I'm not interested.

Oct 16, 2012 1:57AM
Oct 14, 2012 2:51PM
avatar
Yes, I do think a man should pay for the first date.  I know the economy is bad, but I think some men are using this as an excuse to slack off.  Really going dutch on the first date, that's just tacky. If you can't afford to take a woman out, then don't ask.  Men need to become more creative, seriously.  As an independent woman that takes care of herself all the time, it's nice to be treated to a nice evening out, just saying.  Men need to get their acts together and stop complaining.
Oct 12, 2012 4:21PM
avatar
This is ridiculous.  My father told me a long time ago.  Baby, there is no such thing as 50/50.  Until a man can have a baby, don't ever get sucked into that BS and he is absolutely right.  If a man can't afford to pay for date, then he should be in school or somewhere else so that he can have a future.  If its just bad timing, then don't date, just hang out with your friends who don't expect anything from you.  But with a date, the date itself implies a possibility of a romantic connection and if you can't afford a date, then you are not ready for that type of relationship.  Now things do happen throughout the course of a relationship, but we are talking about a first date.  No absolutely not, you don't want that man nor do you want to set the precedent that you will be splitting everything with him.
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