Men No Longer Willing to Pay For First Date, Survey Finds

Let's split hairs over splitting the bill, shall we?

By Kristin Wong Sep 24, 2012 3:34PM

As the gender gap narrows in the Western world, more men seem to be speaking up about something they believe to be unfair: paying for the first date.

In a recent survey, only a third of men polled said they would be willing to pay for a first date. More than half of men said going dutch on a first date is fair. Most men surveyed said they would ask for a contribution from their date.

One might look at these stats and say chivalry is dead, but is it erroneous to equate chivalry with money in the first place?

Website Fridayfriday.com carried out the survey, and a spokesperson told the Daily Mail:

"This may sound a little unromantic, but our poll has revealed that, for many, they simply don’t have as much cash as they may once have…and therefore are keen to ensure their spending doesn’t spiral."

So perhaps it's less about gender equality and more about the recession. In fact, women still statistically make less than men. But at the same time, more women are marrying men who make less than them. Personally, the majority of women in my life actually earn more than their male significant others, and I've noticed that those women also take turns paying for dates.

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The spokesperson continues:

"Some of those surveyed pointed to the fact that the gap between male and female pay [is] still shrinking and therefore it [isn't] unreasonable to expect some money on their part."

The gap is narrowing, sure, but we aren't there yet. That being said, should money have anything to do with romance in the first place? The Daily Mail reported:

"The true gentlemen out there are numbered," and "It seems that chivalry is dead…"

While it's been instilled in us over the years that chivalry is associated with paying for a woman's meal, perhaps it's time to socially evolve from this notion. Admittedly, while I think things should be split in an established relationship, I still instinctively find it romantic for a guy to pay on the first date, too. But can't men still be gentlemen without cash being involved? Or is there something to be said for being old-fashioned?

Either way, the survey continues, with one in five men saying they'd be happy to pay for parts of the night, including a round of drinks, but forking over money for the whole evening is out of the question. Five percent of men said they'd be happy to allow the women to pay for the whole shebang. A whopping 91 percent said that they would leave a bad date early in order to save some money.

"Increasing financial pressures was cited as the number one reason behind the decision; however, many of those polled stated that they felt it was unfair, or even a little embarrassing, to pay for the date," the spokesperson continued.

One suggestion that's emerged from this debate is that the person who suggests the date should pay for the date. Sounds reasonable enough.

But what do you think? Should men still be expected to pay for the first date?

Photo: Getty Images

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31Comments

Best

Sep 27, 2012 9:44PM

I can't believe the 'suggestion' of 'whoever invites pays' is listed only at the end of the article, as an afterthought and as if it's a new concept! It seems completely obvious to me - in my opinion and in my experience, you don't ask someone to dinner and then ask for a contribution! It has nothing to do with how much women earn and how that compares to men's earnings. It has nothing to do with men 'being men' or paying for that reason. I think it's reasonable that in the past men were the ones inviting (and the ones with the paycheck) and therefore they were the ones paying. And certainly now, that door goes both ways. It's polite as the invitee to make the offer, but don't ask someone on a date unless you're intending and able to pay. Otherwise, call it an outing or activity and make it clear that you're NOT inviting someone on a date.

Previous replies

MaryKate1967

Sep 27, 2012 9:30PM

I think the cheapest and most chivalrous thing a guy can do on a date is hold the door for you. Taking turns or splitting the check seems to make the most sense in this day and age with everyone having limited funds. I had a boyfriend that paid when we went out and not because I didn't offer to pay my share. If you ask the person out on the date I think you should plan on paying for it and if the dating continues then you take turns. I've done that as well with a guy but he was more of a friend than a "date". Still its nice when the guy wants to pay, kinda makes you feel special.

Previous replies

YYAWannaNO

Sep 27, 2012 8:10PM

Who cares? If a man doesn't want to pay for the first date, there will be 3 other men out there that would be MORE than willing.

Previous replies

M S (calscot)

Sep 27, 2012 10:15PM

If he asks me on a first date, I do expect him to pay. If he doesn't have much money, he can choose somewhere nice, but inexpensive. Just don't take me to an expensive restaurant and expect me on my small salary to pay half. I also think it's important for the woman to be circumspect with what she orders. Forget the lobster and the fancy cocktails; restrict yourself to a modest glass of wine and skipping dessert is probably a good idea too. If you contimue dating, discuss the issue and work something out.

Previous replies

thedivamom

Oct 12, 2012 4:21PM

This is ridiculous. My father told me a long time ago. Baby, there is no such thing as 50/50. Until a man can have a baby, don't ever get sucked into that BS and he is absolutely right. If a man can't afford to pay for date, then he should be in school or somewhere else so that he can have a future. If its just bad timing, then don't date, just hang out with your friends who don't expect anything from you. But with a date, the date itself implies a possibility of a romantic connection and if you can't afford a date, then you are not ready for that type of relationship. Now things do happen throughout the course of a relationship, but we are talking about a first date. No absolutely not, you don't want that man nor do you want to set the precedent that you will be splitting everything with him.

Previous replies

Mr. 60652

Sep 27, 2012 11:45PM

Is love ever cheap not if your with a person you may have feelings for if money is short hang at her place or yours buy bergers or pizza and get to know each other. Maybe next time go out and have fun.

Previous replies

Jeff in Irvine

Sep 28, 2012 1:37AM

If money being tight is the reason a guy doesnt want to pay for the date, then, perhaps he shouldn't be going on a date in the first place. Either man-up or stay home because, if you're such a loser that you cant afford dinner, you certainly shouldn't be reproducing!

Previous replies

Janel31

Oct 14, 2012 2:51PM

Yes, I do think a man should pay for the first date. I know the economy is bad, but I think some men are using this as an excuse to slack off. Really going dutch on the first date, that's just tacky. If you can't afford to take a woman out, then don't ask. Men need to become more creative, seriously. As an independent woman that takes care of herself all the time, it's nice to be treated to a nice evening out, just saying. Men need to get their acts together and stop complaining.