How to turn your summer fling into a fall boyfriend
Think your summer fling is the real thing? Here's how to transition from "no strings attached" to a serious relationship.
As Sandy and Danny will attest, there is nothing like summer love. Summer is a time of casual Fridays, spontaneous travel, and eating ice cream in the street — everyone feels more free. So how do you tame your summer fling into a fall boyfriend?
Keep it casual — at first.
No one wants to hear a profession of love a few weeks into dating! Summer romance is fun because it’s carefree. Mayssa, a recent graduate of NYU who was abroad in Rome last summer, told HC that it’s important to keep a “summer boy” guessing. “Don’t move too fast,” she says. “You have to leave something to look forward to!” Mayssa found this play-it-cool strategy worked particularly well with Euro boys.
To do: Plan a date a week in advance, not a month. (If you MUST get concert tickets ahead, don’t mention them to him until closer to the date of the show.) By keeping things light and making plans on the fly, you’ll show your summer boy that by staying with you, he would guarantee himself a fall semester that’s anything but boring.
Bing: Romantic getaways
Introduce him to one or two of your friends.
While he’s not a serious boyfriend yet, it’s important that he gets to know your life outside of the summer situation you have going on. What you don’t want to do is overwhelm him with your six best girlfriends. Pick one or two of your friends who sit on the “chill” side of the spectrum (be honest, you know who they are) to meet him before everyone else. Once he starts to meet your friends, he’ll feel more connected to you, get to know you better, and be able to picture what dating you (past the summer) would be like.
To do: Schedule happy hour or casual bowling and invite him to stop by. It’s a no-pressure situation!
Take his cues.
Is he texting you every single day to meet up? Or is he only asking what you’re up to on weekends? It’s important to notice how he’s acting towards you — guys are pretty obvious creatures, no? “My summer boy last year only texted me late at night at first,” says Sarah, Colby College ’13. “But I knew when he asked me out during the day that he was getting more serious about dating!” Once you get the vibe that the guy is more serious, it is OK to make your intentions known.
To do: Let him know that you like what he’s doing. For example, say, “I love getting your texts at work! Makes the day go by so much faster,” or “I really appreciate you checking in with me before I go to bed.” It’s important to compliment his good deeds so he knows to keep doing them. The more he communicates with you, the more he’ll think and learn about you. Soon he won’t be able to imagine not talking to you and texting you, and that’s when he’ll decide he would rather stay with you than lose you.
More from The Heart Beat:
If he says he's not interested in staying in a relationship, move on! It's not going to work out no matter what you do.
I'm so sick of Hollywood making movies that give young gullible girls stupid ideas on how to get and keep a man. How about let things develop naturally? Get to know each other, be friends, don't be the "I have to see and hear from you everyday" type of girl or I'll just die if I don't.
My daughter would do that and I kept telling her that it's okay if her and her boyfriends didn't see or talk to each other everyday. Most of the guys got pretty sick of her insecurity. I blame it and the tv shows, movies and stupid advice like above. Although she is happily married now and comfortable with her husband doing things without her. In fact he's camping with the boys as we speak.
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