Loading...
The Heart Beat The Heart Beat blog

Love makes you delusional

But that's actually a good thing!

By Glamour Magazine Mar 6, 2013 7:21PM
By Gena Kaufman

It’s a big pile of duh that trust is important in a relationship, but a new study shows it may be important in a way you might not have thought. Trust makes you kind of delusional, and it turns out, that’s great for your relationship.

Photo: Love makes you delusional / Valentin Casarsa/Getty ImagesBeing delusional doesn’t sound particularly healthy, but in this case it is. It essentially causes people to forget the bad times in a relationship. Here’s how the mental shift works: Students in relationships were asked to report their partner’s screw-ups over a course of six months, like not being supportive or forgetting to make Valentine’s plans (whoops!), rating them for severity and forgiveness and then re-evaluating their feelings at a later check-in.

More from Glamour: 10 ways to seduce your man in seconds

Participants who reported high levels of trust and commitment tended to forget their anger about their partner’s transgressions over time, with memories getting rosier, but the opposite happened for those who didn’t trust their significant other.

And rather than be concerned that being too trusting might make you willing to accept bad behavior, researchers say it’s very healthy because it signals that despite a problem, you feel confident enough in your relationship to depend on a partner and trust him to look out for your interests. For those who didn’t trust, feeling angrier than before about the bad behavior was probably a way to protect themselves from hurt by distancing themselves.

More from Glamour: 30 sex tips every woman should consider

The average age of participants was 18, but researchers expect the same results from older adults. And it does make sense, right? Inevitably, we all screw up and do crappy things to the people we love, so if we weren't able to conveniently forget it, no relationship would survive.

More from Glamour:
20 "annoying" girl things he secretly loves about you
50 things men are afraid to ask for (but really want)
10 romantic movies men secretly love

Bing: Read your love horoscope

Photo: Love makes you delusional / Valentin Casarsa/Getty Images

19Comments
Mar 8, 2013 8:38PM
avatar
"The average age of participants was 18, but researchers expect the same results from older adults."  Why do they think this?  The brain isn't even done growing until you are about 25!
Mar 7, 2013 7:11PM
avatar

The Spanish words for boyfriend and girlfriend are novio and novia. No vio means didn't see, no via means wasn't seeing.  

 

 

Mar 7, 2013 6:27PM
avatar
No surprise here, I lost count of my delusions when I thought I was in love.
Mar 7, 2013 6:21PM
avatar
What a crock this is - if one of the spouses screws over the other one, it's not a matter of "forgetting" or having a "rosier" outlook on the relationship after time, it's learning your lessons about the other person so that you won't have to go through the same thing again. Just because someone screws up one time doesn't mean they won't do it again. It just means they will be more careful about getting caught the next time they do it.  Women are basically the same as men and act out the way they were brought up. If they were brought up in a distrusting home and they realized there was cause to believe the distrust was just, that person will take that as a lesson learned and keep it with them the rest of their lives. Thus, if a woman perceives that it is ok to have affairs as she pleases, she is most likely re-living what she learned while she was growing up. Marriage vows and loyalty won't be important, and her sense of values won't necessarily be based on what she claims to believe in religiously. It's a lot easier to stay out of a relationship than it is to get out of one, for multiple reasons, none of which are related to "love."
Mar 7, 2013 6:11PM
avatar
When it comes to trust, forgiving and forgetting, this is the way I have been all of my life with all of my family members.  Not just when in regard to relationships.  Actually, when it comes to relationships, I have done the same thing, but I consider the "negative" much more severe and I will quickly remember "all the bad" if additional negative instances occur. 

Not a great deal of educated study appears to support this article.

Mar 7, 2013 5:50PM
avatar
i had a brother-in-law tht was married 5 times, in my mind that qualified him as a tour guide in hell. Yes he had to be delusional, especially after the first one!
Mar 7, 2013 5:49PM
avatar

So that's how my husband I have lasted 30 years?  or maybe we have been so darned busy that we don't have time to remember much....probably better to focus on life in general rather than one person so that things good or bad don't get magnified out of porpotion in relation to that one person.  In other words, even if you are married or in a relationship,  you still need to have a life.

Mar 7, 2013 5:38PM
avatar
LOL! ..18 years old students...talking about trust...pointless and useless study...
Report
Please help us to maintain a healthy and vibrant community by reporting any illegal or inappropriate behavior. If you believe a message violates theCode of Conductplease use this form to notify the moderators. They will investigate your report and take appropriate action. If necessary, they report all illegal activity to the proper authorities.
Categories
100 character limit
Are you sure you want to delete this comment?

love: friendships, dating, sex & marriage

  • Sign placement/"10 Most Outrageous Wedding Photos"/Photo: Brooke Aliceon Photography

    10 outrageous wedding photos

    The typical wedding: A white dress, tiered cake, floral centerpieces and a cute flower girl -- you know the drill. Every once in a while, though, a couple trades in tradition for a quirky, never-seen-that-before idea. Here are a few of the most out-there wedding photos that made us do a double take.

  • Hot wedding trends for fall

    9 hot wedding trends for fall

    There's a lot to love about weddings this fall, like cocktails served in copper Moscow mule mugs, industrial-inspired lighting and pheasant feather details. See what's new!

  • Monique Pean Mineraux diamond and rose gold ring, $3,400; barneys.com

    Why single ladies are rocking a wedding ring

    Do you have to be engaged to sport a ring with bling?

  • ​KIVILCIM PINAR, Getty Images //  ​KIVILCIM PINAR, Getty Images (​KIVILCIM PINAR, Getty Images)

    Majority of Americans are single

    124.6 million haven't gotten hitched.

  • least expensive places to get married

    These are the 25 least expensive places to get married in America

    Even though the national average wedding is $29,858, that’s just an average. If you live in a smaller state like Idaho where the average wedding costs $16,159, you may find yourself saving a little more than half of the national spend! Check out some of the other least expensive cities to get married in below:

  • M Swiet Productions, Getty Images // M Swiet Productions, Getty Images (M Swiet Productions, Getty Images)

    Americans have nostalgia for summer romance

    Summer is winding down, but the ubiquitous summer romance lives on.

  • 8 signs it's time to break up

    8 signs it’s definitely time to break up

    For those times when nothing big and horrible happened--but nothing is feeling right either.

  • Actor/"Why we love an older man"/Photo: Shutterstock

    Reasons why we love an older man

    He’s confident, distinguished and anywhere from 4 to 20 years older than you. Age is just a number, but there’s something about older men that we love. Here are eight reasons why being in a relationship with an older man is tops.

  • Actor/"Why we love a younger man"/Photo: Shutterstock

    Reasons why we love a younger man

    While a younger man may have less life experience, that doesn’t mean he’s not emotionally mature. Here are the eight reasons why being in a relationship with a younger man is tops.

  • Other woman (Courtesy YourTango)

    5 reasons the other woman slept with your man

    Have you ever wondered what the 'other woman' was thinking?

  • Apple picking

    6 fun fall date ideas

    So fall is coming and you need some romantic inspiration now that long walks on the beach are out of the question. Well look no further! From apple picking to pumpkin carving, these are some great fall date ideas from girls just like you!

  • Go to a theme park

    8 cute celeb date ideas

    Getting bored of the same dinner and movie date night? Take an adorable cue from your favorite celebs and try something new! From dancing to boxing you can't go wrong with these awesome date ideas.

buzzing now on msn living
Loading...
The Heart Beat is a Great Dating Blogs Winner The Heart Beat is a Great Dating Blogs Winner
relationship videos
editor's picks
Loading...
the heart beat
Loading...