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Motivated couples have better sex lives

There may not be a universally 'right' amount of sex in a long-term relationship, but some people do seem to keep their love lives active long after others have cooled their bedroom activity.

By Glamour Magazine Apr 23, 2013 3:59PM
Don't we all want to be the kind of couple who have a rich sex life after years, even though, of course, things will change over time? What's their secret?

As it turns out, the couples who keep having more sex have a fairly simple and obvious trait in common: They are motivated to meet each other's needs.

Photo: Motivated couples have better sex lives, happy couple / Dimitri Vervitsiotis/Getty ImagesIn a 21-day study of 44 long-term and cohabiting couples, researchers identified those with a strong motivation to fulfill their partner's needs without getting something in return, particularly their partner's sexual needs.

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Those participants also reported higher levels of daily desire, and continued to have that desire in a four-month follow-up period. Those people who were less committed to fulfilling their partner's needs had lower desire to begin with, which continued to decline in the follow-up. This was the case across different ages, relationship durations and, most surprisingly (in my opinion), whether or not the couple had children.

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It's a small sample of people, and worth noting that it wasn't very racially diverse, but it's hard to argue that couples who are more in tune with responding to each other's needs would have better sex lives — and a better relationship in general, I would guess.

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Tell us in the comments: Do you think you and your guy make every effort to fulfill each other's needs?

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Photo: Happy couple / Dimitri Vervitsiotis/Getty Images

46Comments
May 1, 2013 5:24AM
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I'm 38. Have been married for 17 yrs and we've had 5 children. Still have blissful sex at least 3 times a week and would have more if schedules permitted. I think a few things contribute to this. For one, he knows I'm up for just about anything and it's an open invitation, 24 hrs a day. I'm a sure thing.  2) We both stay in shape. Neither of us will let ourselves go. 3) I flirt with him/grope him any chance I get. --always giving him something to think about...  4) We keep it fun. I will go so far as to make dinner reservations in a hotel restaurant and book a room upstairs just so we can have sex before we go back home for the evening. With 5 kids at home, screwing him in a room away from the kids is a nice treat once in a while.... and 5) he is perhaps the most unselfish lover on the face of the earth.  Throw all of these things together and it's a very GOOD thing.
May 1, 2013 5:22AM
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My husband who is 12 years younger than me wants to have sex ALL the time. He will always please me just to have sex. I don't enjoy the foreplay/kissing though because he smokes and is a turn off to me. Unfortunately, he knows this and I guess it's hard to stop smoking because he hasn't quick smoking yet. I guess he doesn't care that I don't like kissing him. Well, I miss getting down and dirty kissing someone.. it's been so long.. but smoking is just too gross


May 1, 2013 3:05AM
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Amen to that. I never considered myself the world's greatest lover, but I made it a point to make sure that my late wife had at least one orgasm before mine, and after that sometimes a second or even a third, at which point she would throw in the towel. 

Generally speaking, we only had sex when both of us were in the mood for it and highly motivated and energetic enough to make it count. Mechanical sex or scheduled sex is pretty lame. One of my favorite memories was during our first years of marriage, I would sometimes be really tired, maybe too tired for sex. My wife would stand at the head of the bed in her undies and exclaim "I WANT MY MARRIAGE RIGHTS"!!! Of course, I could would happily relent. I just needed to tap my reserve fuel tank. 
May 1, 2013 2:35AM
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1. Guys, the real secret is... if you want it more often, get better at it.
2. Ladies, if you want your man to be better in bed, then give it up more often.
3. Practice makes perfect !

May 1, 2013 12:40AM
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Best way to be 'selfless'? Share your partenr with someone else. Nothing else keeps a relationship more fun, exciting and fulfilling. Keeping one person all to yourself if THE definition of being selfish ; )
Apr 30, 2013 11:04PM
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no body dates they just have sex. Frankly that's all there good for now they don't want to cook clean  or do anything for anybody but themselves so just ****em and throw them  out because that's all their good for. Selfish whores
Apr 30, 2013 10:03PM
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Most people under 40 have their faces buried in their cell phones so much that they don't have time to establish a meaningful relationship. Add to that the fact that most Americans come from divorced parents and children never see what a long term relationship is like close up. I cannot believe the number of people who marvel at the fact that I was married once... 40 years ago, and am still married to that same woman.

If you never see a longterm relationship; if you never experience two people so deeply devoted to each other that the marriage is above the petty nuisances of everyday life, then you cannot possibly understand how great sex can be.

Apr 30, 2013 9:22PM
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Better sex solution: Try switching hands. Adios!
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