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The Heart Beat The Heart Beat blog

Dating Site Reveals Men's Top Complaints About Women

The ladies are going to love this one.

By Kristin Wong Jul 2, 2012 2:46PM

Photo: Hill Street Studios/Getty ImagesThe popular dating site eHarmony revealed a list of men's 10 biggest complaints about women when it comes to dating. As one may expect, it caused some controversy, with many feeling like the complaints were simply antiquated stereotypes. In fact, the list hit such a nerve, some users vowed to revoke their eHarmony membership altogether.

So let's jump right in, shall we?

The list, compiled by eHarmony's Director of Communication, Grant Langston, is written in second person, with the intended reader being a woman. Langston kicks the list off with: "You see us as projects you can 'fix.'" He writes:

"Women see potential. They see rough edges, and they want to sand them off. This makes us crazy. We don’t want to change. We have chosen our car, hair, friends, home and hobbies because we enjoy them."

While my initial thought is to brush this off as hogwash, I'll admit that I can think of one instance in which a female friend of mine tried to drastically change her boyfriend, but I can't think of one case of the reverse. This is the only item on the list that even remotely rings true in my experience.

Another complaint Langston makes is that women's expectations "are set by Hollywood and sky high." He complains that, because we women have it in our heads that George Clooney is going to come and sweep us away, we don't care when (non-celebrity) men do something nice for us.

"When a REAL act of love comes down the pike, he notices that the tread on your tires is low and buys a new set, it hardly even registers," Langston writes.

Firstly, I find it hard to imagine a woman getting a four hundred dollar set of new tires only to cross her arms, stick her nose in the air and pout, "Fine. But you're still not George Clooney." I suppose Langston's point is that women can be unappreciative, but come on—men can be just as rude and ungrateful. It has nothing to do with gender.

Overall, the list does seem to reinforce a handful of outdated stereotypes. Case in point, this complaint: "you don't understand and/or like our need for alone time." Not only do women understand, we actually need more alone time than men.

Other highlights include: "You like to play coy," "You use your emotions as a weapon," and my personal favorite, "You have a tendency to be too critical."

Hey, we're not the ones who just put a list together.

Actually, Lindy West of Jezebel did put a list together, but only after reading eHarmony's. She responded to the complaints with her own list, titled:  "Women's Ten Biggest Complaints About Men's Ten Biggest Complaints About Women." Lindy makes a sensible point:

"…really, the main problem with most of these complaints isn't that they're unreasonable—it's that they're the kind of sh-tty things that all people do in relationships sometimes."

And as one eHarmony commenter summed it up:

"The author has apparently missed the huge irony of complaining about women trying to change men... in a list written by a man of the 10 things women must change if they are to be happy in a relationship."

We all have things we could change when it comes to dating, and the advice in this list shouldn't be exclusive to women. Enjoy the moment, appreciate each other, and give each other space—decent relationship tips for us all.

At any rate, below is a full list of what Langston believes are men's biggest complaints about women:

  1. You see us as projects you can fix.
  2. Your expectations are set by Hollywood and sky high.
  3. You're always looking down the road.
  4. You use your emotions as a weapon.
  5. You have a tendency to be critical.
  6. You like to play coy.
  7. You fixate on what we’re thinking, when you should be watching what we’re doing.
  8. You don’t understand and/or like our need for alone time.
  9. You have a complicated set of double standards.
  10. You want us to change, and then lose respect for us when we do.

Photo: Hill Street Studios/Getty Images

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374Comments
Oct 22, 2012 4:12AM
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What a sad article.

I thank God every day for giving my parents 54+ wonderful years together...and still counting.

I know what my dad's secret is, because he passed it on to me.

It's simple.

Keep her attracted by being a MAN.

MEN don't complain about women.  They LOVE them.

It really is that simple.

Jul 12, 2012 5:22PM
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Why am I not surprised by anything on this list?

 

Typical man mentality to complain, complain, COMPLAIN about NONSENSE!!! Not to say women don't complain about silly things (we do) but sometimes you men needs to ask yourselves WHY women do the things they do.

 

If a woman is asking you to chage a certain aspect about you life there is usually a legit reason. If you're dating someone who has bad habits or isnt serious about life and you love them, you're doing them a huge favour by telling them they need to change. Somethimes outsiders looking in on your life and your habits see things you dont necessarily see yourself from a subjective point of view. Instead of shutting down and get defensive try to objectively take in what your partner is saying. She may have a very good point that you are failing to miss because you're a man with a fragile male ego that is easily deflated like a pin prick to a balloon.

 

Our expectations are set by Hollywod and are sky high..HA!! And WTF are your expectations?  I have seen several comments in here from MEN talking about how they EXPECT a woman to lose weight and look a certain way. I dont know if any of you are aware of this but only within the last 100 years has "skinney" been sexy for women. The treand started back in the early 1900's when may people were sick contracting Spanish Flu and what not, and became thin. For some reason that sick, thin look stuck and has been perputated by the fashion industry, for good reason at least...models are like human clothes hangers you're not suppose to look at them but the clothing. Many people fail to realize this. A lot look at the media, we are bombardiered daily by ads for fitness equiptment and diet plans and images of girls with unrealistic porportions. Im sorry but if you weight 110lbs changes are you wont have DD size breasts and a big round butt...but yet most men seem to want that and **** to that fakeness in porn..porn has done nothing but brainwash men into being attracted to ABNORMAL UNREALISTIC pieces of plastic. Man claim to love real beauty which is a crock of ****...and i'm saying this as an attractive woman i am by no means ugly or fat, but even being good looking it still irks me that my boyfriend jerks off to fakeness and enjoys looking at it then proclaims how much he likes real beauty!!! HYPOCRITE the majority of you on some level wish all women looked like that and its effing sad...so dont talk about our expectations being set sky high!

 

Of coused double standards between men and women exist...we are very different! For isntance if I go to the strip club to see the male strippers and you go as a man to see women...there is a higher chance of you bedding down a stripper than me...why? You're a man you're wired that way to seperate completely love and sex...some women can do this but rarely even if they claim they can its all BS to look tough.

 

Anyways thats my rant...Im done

Jul 6, 2012 4:23AM
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OMG! Is this guy for real? Talk about Anger Issues! Please,try to open your mind and not portray your insecure mindset so openly. And, by the way, try using spell check when you write. Correction- men meet not meets . You need a comma after Also and your verb agreement should be are not is. Just wanted to point that out. Oh,and by the way, I don't recall writing anything about a man's stature (height).  99% of what happens to everyone is because of what they did or did not do. No way are you in a relationship with someone who has just a tiny bit of  self-esteem , common sense and  brains.

Jul 5, 2012 4:08PM
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# 2: "Your expectations are set by Hollywood and sky high." This is so true and so much more these days. So many single women think if they just hold out hold out hold out, wait wait wait wait wait that somehow in a lot of their minds there is just that magical "poof" and this magical guy is going to magically appear, show up at her door, have this "white horse" whisk her off, have unlimited money oh yeah and have NOOOOO worries in life and have an unlimited amount of resources i.e. money (never running out). Um ok ladies smack yourselves across your face and WAKE UP!!!!! Setting your FANTASY EXPECTATIONS is sooooo unreality your only setting yourself for automatic FAILURE. Gawd for a lot of single women these days they seriously need to pull their heads out of their a**es, and get into REALITY. Reality is 99.99999% your guy is going to be your 9-5 typical guy (which is great), he's eventually working his way up the chain at work, he's NOT going to have all this (la la BS) unlimited money.

Another one I think men would want to add is I just recently read how a lot of single women were bi*ching about how they don't wouldn't want an unemployed guy even though he's educated (college) grad, and laid off. A lot of men in this ECONOMY including WOMEN have been obviously LAID OFF, the ECONOMY is struggling so a lot of single women GET OFF YOUR EFFIN HIGH HORSE. Yes there are a lot of men as well as women that have been LAID OFF, doesn't mean AT ALL that were sitting around on our a**es all day. WERE busting their a**es trying to find JOBS, interviewing, desperately trying to get on with companies. The last thing laid off people want is a person to mooch off of. We don't want to be laid off, were certainly not slacking. Yes we might have unconventional temporary part time jobs at the moment WHILE WERE LOOKING AND INTERVIEWING FOR OUR JOBS. At least were doing sh*t while looking. So even though there are a lot of laid off men, still date them, doesn't mean he doesn't have money. Plus also women quit it with your double standard... You say you don't want an unemployed guy but then you turn around and date and sleep with uneducated, skeezy, pathetic unemployable, complete looser guy that even like in his 30's still lives with his parents.          
Jul 4, 2012 9:11AM
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Some men just have to defend themselves at all costs. Insecure perhaps?  Get over yourself  and be the man God intended you to be - that is if you can admit you have some real hang-ups with major attitude!
Jul 4, 2012 4:59AM
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You guys all say you don't want a hight maintenance woman, or like them, but you all drool all over them.  Tell me what pics of women do  you have on your computer and smartphone?  You all look at girly mags and websites full of women that are skinny and have had plastic surgery and you horde pics of said women on your computers and smartphones.  You drool all over fake beauty and claim that you don't like it and expect real women to have confidence.  I have seen it a million times.  Most men are extremely shallow.  I have also experienced it. 
Jul 3, 2012 4:44PM
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Please answer me this? why guys think because their on dating sites they are entitled to sex? I have been on all dating sites and the guys want one thing SEX

they start off polite then when I show interest it starts>what bra size are you?

do you like oral? would they ask me that if we met in the market??

omg I am so fed up with dirty tricks online dating is cesspool of dirty men.

I am so done.

what happened to falling in love?

Jul 3, 2012 1:26PM
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I hope this guy doesn't mind, this post makes an important point.  Generally speaking (so all you nazis, don't get your panites in a bunch), women want to be equal...but not always.
 
 
Iwant2believe
7 hours ago
 
Well, to a degree he's correct. Women want to be equals, but then want a man to pay for things on dates and wouldn't even consider opening a door for a man. Or, they want equal pay in the workplace...and then take leave if/when they get pregnant, which costs whomever they're working for money to temporarily cover their position. Only if they're STELLAR at what they do is it worth it but yet, they can't be fired or laid off for having a baby. If I told my boss I wanted 3-6 months off to care for my newborn, first he'd laugh at me, and then tell me no effing way!! Women want it both ways. There's no better proof than when a woman gets in a man's face, yelling, poking and then slapping/hitting, and then if a man hits her back she plays the "but I'm a woman, you're not supposed to hit me back" card. Now I don't believe hands or even voices(for the most part) should be raised to settle a dispute, and a man who goes to blows on a women without being hit first isn't any kind of man at all, but s**t ladies, if you hit a man in his face, don't go crying if he smacks you back. Also, how many of us have known the females that want/need/expect to be treated like princesses for a few days every month, at work AND at home. I sympathize, I really do, but your period, no matter how bad it gets, is NOT an excuse for you to act like a total psycho. Especially in this day and age where there are plenty of remedies for discomfort and hormonal swings. I've known women who don't/haven't done any of the things I mentioned and if asked, they would agree with me on the points I mentioned here. Those women are worthy of our respect and if they work as hard as we do damn well better be paid as we are. However, if any women who does/thinks it's okay to do the things I've mentioned and STILL expects to get treated equally with men, well, it'll NEVER happen because you've proved that you're not equal. Some men and women are equals, not all. We all have to earn equality, not expect it.
 
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