10 years later, brides still mad at lack of gifts
After a decade, some brides still hold grudges.
The New York Times recently profiled a series of women who, 10 years after their weddings, can't forget the gifts they didn't get. Etiquette expert Jodi R.R. Smith told the paper:
“You could talk to a 98-year-old woman and she won’t be able to tell you what song she danced to at her wedding, but she can tell you who didn’t give her a gift."
Wendy Kaufman, for example, married in 2004. Three hundred guests attended her wedding, and she still remembers the three people who didn't bring a gift. One of the no-gifting guests was the son of her college sweetheart, another was her parents' rich friend who "drank her face off at the wedding," and finally, there was a colleague:
"When I see her at events I want to blurt out: ‘You cheap jerk. How can you sit here and have a conversation with me?’" Kaufman told the paper.
Smith says gifts can be symbolic of the guest's relationship with the bride and groom.
“It’s hurtful if this is someone I really cared about, who I thought was a great friend, who made the cut to come to my wedding, and she doesn’t do the right thing."
What do you think of brides who hold grudges — is it understandable or just plain petty?
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She needs to get over it and stop being petty and selfish!She would of been just as mad if she invited themm and they hadn't showed up.Maybe the college person was broke,etc...
I remember who was at my wedding, and I am grateful for the gifts I received, but the greatest gift was having my friends and family there with me to celebrate.
If these individuals measure friendship in dollar signs, well then the non-gifters are better off without the burden of their "friendship". There could be so many factors behind the non-gift - the guest was having a financial crisis, the gift they gave was lost or stolen, any number of things.
I thought couples invited people to their weddings for the pleasure of sharing their joy in one of the most special events in their lives.
Boy.....I have been sorely mistaken all this time, I guess.
(and, yes, I do give gifts to people I care about, whether or NOT I got an invite to their wedding).
I don't remember the song nor if anyone didn't bring a gift, but I do remember some people showing up uninvited. It was a couple with a small child my husband barely knew and I'd never met... Yes, they actually came with a 2-year old to 'wedding crash'.
As far as thank you notes go: thank you notes are actually sent in a very few cultures. Before coming to the US I've never heard of thank you notes and find them outdated. I recall how I received a thank-you-note for a baby gift in the lines of "we'll use this every day etc." only to find out the couple had returned the items for money (I could see on my online account they had been returned). I'd say save the paper for something else.
However, I've never heard of anyone showing up to a wedding without a gift either. If you cannot bring a gift for whatever reason, just don't go.
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