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The Heart Beat The Heart Beat blog

Is make-up sex unhealthy?

One expert likens it to cocaine.

By Kristin Wong Jan 24, 2013 5:32PM

Some say it's the best sex ever, but according to one expert, make-up sex is downright unhealthy.

"Intense romantic relationships often include powerful arguments, followed by powerful make-up sex," writes Seth Meyers, Psy.D, in an article for Psychology Today.

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Meyers argues that make-up sex is simply a distraction from the negative issues in a relationship and goes on to write, "it's not that different from an addict who needs a hit of cocaine."

Not surprisingly, Meyers' coke comparison stirred up a bit of controversy.

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In a post on the blog Babble, one writer responded:

"Really now. I may not know what it feels like to be 'an addict who needs a hit of cocaine' but is anyone ever really that desperate to switch gears while fighting?"

But let's hear Meyers out. He says that regular sex in a healthy relationship is all about feeling intimacy and trust. But that's not what motivates make-up sex.

"The truth is that most make-up sex results from having felt and expressed extreme negative emotions during a heated argument, without any true resolution afterward. During make-up sex, couples often express extreme positive emotions and they reach a momentary state of bliss. They declare grand statements of love and feel, in that moment, that they are sure they belong together. The problem: this isn't real intimacy."

Meyers says there's no room for confusion, anger or sadness during a sexual encounter—a reasonable suggestion. He adds that, if you find yourself in the middle of make-up sex, "gently pull back and explain to your partner that you want to stop and try again later."

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Some still see it differently, however. In a Health magazine article, writer Jennifer Berman argued that make-up sex is actually a healthy way to spice up your love life:

"It be madly passionate, but it can also sustain intimacy during tough times. Besides, it's natural to feel turned on after an argument."

I suppose, ultimately, it just depends on the situation. But what do you think—is make-up sex unhealthy for a relationship?

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Photo: Novastock/Getty Images

2Comments
Jan 24, 2013 6:58PM
avatar

make up love is where the arguement has been resolved and the "anger" has been tranformed to "want you so bad"

honestly.. no matter what the situation is, hubby seems to be more turned on when i'm angry and ignoring his cuddles.. that's what makes it so hot, after we work out a disagreement, cause i know how bad he wants it =)

no matter what though, as a couple, it's healthier to discuss any conflicts when it's fresh compared to days later, work it out, make up and move on.. so exhausting to be mad

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