Forget Seven Year Itch, Couples Now Splitting After Three

Some are calling it the 'Three Year Ditch.'

By Kristin Wong Apr 20, 2012 2:52PM

More couples are breaking up at or around the three-year mark, according to a new study done in Ireland. New research carried out by parenting website Netmums shows that 21 percent of couples split up between two and four years together. Worse, 12 percent split within a year.

1,500 parents were interviewed and nearly half of them (42 percent) said that having children had driven them apart. Four out of five of those interviewed said that their relationship suffered because they were so exhausted by the birth of a new baby or looking after a child. According to the study:

"Having children was shown to be the biggest flash point for sparking relationship problems."

But hey, let's not blame it all on the kids. The study pointed out a growing trend in "fast forward" partnerships. Basically, couples get together too quickly and decide to settle down without really knowing each other very well. They then make the biggest commitment: starting a family. And that's when the relationship gets stressful.

Netmums founder Siobhan Freegard explained:

"Relationships are tough at the best of times but having children puts an extra strain on them. Add in lack of time, exhaustion, work and money worries and maybe it's little surprise couples are splitting up earlier than ever before."

Also, one in 14 of those interviewed admitted to scratching their itch, a.k.a. having an affair.

"The research shows we are then giving up too quickly," Freegard says, adding that there are "simple" ways to save your marriage or relationship:

"Taking time to really listen to each other, can be the key to keeping love alive and remind you why you first fell in love."

I imagine that’s not easy to do when you've got a four-year-old hurling Cheerios across the room, but you get the idea.

Photo: Getty Images

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65Comments

Best

Apr 20, 2012 3:56PM

I was married at age 20, my wife was 19 we have 4 kids and will be married 30 years this year. People need to learn how to communicate with their spouses and quit being selfish.

Previous replies

livingthemoment

Apr 20, 2012 4:34PM

My husband and I were friends in high school, dated and were engaged for 3 1/2 years of college (half of that time we were in separate states), married at 22, had our first child (of 5 - - one is adopted) at age 26, and will celebrate our 20th anniversary in June. 7 moves in 14 years, one year of separation due to military assignment, two bouts of cancer, a close call with death, and a diagnosis of Graves Disease -- and we're still going strong. Marriage requires committment and love is not a feeling - it's a choice.

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Indy30

Apr 20, 2012 4:46PM

Having a child does change a relationship... but I love mine with everything I have and wouldn't trade him for any amount of pre-child marital bliss. You adjust your marriage into a family. I have plenty of gripes about my husband... and he has plenty about me. Communication and commitment. They go a long way.

Married 10 years with a 5 year old

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greg bringard

Apr 20, 2012 5:19PM

Been married 17 years with 3 children who are only 3 1/2 years apart. A couple of times when the kids were under 5, my wife stated that she wanted to end the marriage. I think she was suffering from depression. She went to counseling and we went to joint counseling. I would not give up on the marriage. It may be old fashioned, but I wanted to stick together for the kids. I work in a profession where I see a lot of divorce and how it affects children. I did not want to put my kids through that. We are now very happy. So I guess my advise is, don't give up easily, especially if you have children together.

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sb45

Apr 20, 2012 4:15PM

I have been married 16 wonderful years and still today I can say that I love my partner more today than I did 16 years ago. We have 3 children. People need to stop making excuses on why a marriage fails and get a true understanding what love is. Love is unconditional. If you love someone enough to marry them then you should love them enough to work through the difficult times.

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Lucky Larry

Apr 20, 2012 4:31PM

They say 43% of all spouses cheat. That in itself destroys many marriages. People today do not have the ethical conduct or principles previous generations had. Why work hard at a relationship when you can go shopping for a new and better spouse, right? A solid relationship has to be two-sided and full of kindness and giving. If you do not care why should the other? Hence the spiral downward.

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FL-Red61

Apr 20, 2012 4:25PM

Married 18 years. 3 children. Always faithful. People make the mistake that marriage is about the EMOTION of "Love" -- do not let emotions run (or ruin) your marriage. Instead, marriage is about LOGIC of the mind. Use your head -- don't lose your temper, or give in to any "itch"...

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dlswim

Apr 20, 2012 6:56PM

My 10 year anniversary is today and I have to say adding three children to my marriage has made my life and relationship with my wife that much better. Sure it's hard when a new baby wakes up in the middle of the night, but that's what you sign up for.

People who split up right after the birth of a child probably should have never gotten married in the first place.