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New wedding trend: The anti-invite

We cordially invite you to stay at home.

By Kristin Wong Feb 7, 2013 7:47PM

A controversial new wedding trend is emerging: the anti-invite. Some have also dubbed it the unvite. Whatever you want to call it, you're not invited.

Couples planning a budget-friendly wedding are often faced with the dilemma of the guest list—too many friends and family, and the budget is blown. To deal with this awkward issue, many couples have started sending out alerts that tell acquaintances, "You're not invited."

As you can imagine, the trend is a little contentious.

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Cafemom.com noticed the trend emerging in a "Dear Prudence" letter on Slate:

"Recently I received two separate announcements letting me know that I'm not invited to the wedding of a friend. Both of these came out of the blue; I had not precipitated them by asking if I was going to get an invitation. Apparently, it's a trend for brides and grooms to tell people who didn't make the cut that they aren't going to witness the special day."

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Tatiana Byron, founder of event planning firm The Wedding Salon, confirmed the trend with Today.com. She said that couples sometimes deliver these anti-invites via email. Other times, they take the time to mail cards. But often, the wedding planner is the messenger.

"Some of their friends complain and criticize the couple, thinking the planner won't tell the client."

In defense of the trend, Kellee Khalil, founder of bridal site Lover.ly, explains:

“Many brides don't consider the fact that this will come up (often) once the guest list has been set, so it's good to have a general plan to avoid awkwardness and hurt feelings as soon as you send out your save-the-dates.”

But if the anti-invite sounds insensitive to you—wait. It gets worse.

"The B list" invite is an offshoot of the anti-invite. It informs a would-be guest that if someone else cancels, they're guaranteed a spot. It's basically a wait list for a wedding.

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In a forum on weddingbee.com, one bride defended her decision to send out "B list" invites:

"Wish we didn't have to, but [we] had financial and venue-related constraints.  Most individuals knew that we had these limitations and were understanding."

What do you think—is this new trend a reasonable part of wedding planning? Or is it just plain rude?

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