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New wedding trend: The anti-invite

We cordially invite you to stay at home.

By Kristin Wong Feb 7, 2013 7:47PM

A controversial new wedding trend is emerging: the anti-invite. Some have also dubbed it the unvite. Whatever you want to call it, you're not invited.

Couples planning a budget-friendly wedding are often faced with the dilemma of the guest list—too many friends and family, and the budget is blown. To deal with this awkward issue, many couples have started sending out alerts that tell acquaintances, "You're not invited."

As you can imagine, the trend is a little contentious.

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Cafemom.com noticed the trend emerging in a "Dear Prudence" letter on Slate:

"Recently I received two separate announcements letting me know that I'm not invited to the wedding of a friend. Both of these came out of the blue; I had not precipitated them by asking if I was going to get an invitation. Apparently, it's a trend for brides and grooms to tell people who didn't make the cut that they aren't going to witness the special day."

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Tatiana Byron, founder of event planning firm The Wedding Salon, confirmed the trend with Today.com. She said that couples sometimes deliver these anti-invites via email. Other times, they take the time to mail cards. But often, the wedding planner is the messenger.

"Some of their friends complain and criticize the couple, thinking the planner won't tell the client."

In defense of the trend, Kellee Khalil, founder of bridal site Lover.ly, explains:

“Many brides don't consider the fact that this will come up (often) once the guest list has been set, so it's good to have a general plan to avoid awkwardness and hurt feelings as soon as you send out your save-the-dates.”

But if the anti-invite sounds insensitive to you—wait. It gets worse.

"The B list" invite is an offshoot of the anti-invite. It informs a would-be guest that if someone else cancels, they're guaranteed a spot. It's basically a wait list for a wedding.

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In a forum on weddingbee.com, one bride defended her decision to send out "B list" invites:

"Wish we didn't have to, but [we] had financial and venue-related constraints.  Most individuals knew that we had these limitations and were understanding."

What do you think—is this new trend a reasonable part of wedding planning? Or is it just plain rude?

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Photo: SuperStock

243Comments
Apr 29, 2014 3:30AM
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I keep getting wedding and graduation announcements from distant relatives that I never see and I am never invited to see these people at a social function. I now, just do not respond and do not give any gift any longer. The last time I did , I never received a thank you card , and it has been almost one year since their marriage. they only want money. also most of these are destination events in another state or city far away.   
Feb 15, 2013 2:14AM
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The bride and groom "can't afford" to invite you to their wedding, but they want to be sure you know about it so you can send them a gift!  greedy.  Some bride's will do anything for a gift.  Ever notice the number of items on their registry in relation to the number of guests they can afford to invite?

Feb 15, 2013 12:56AM
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Rude. If you can not afford to invite all your friends and relatives, just invite immediate family, pear down the size of the wedding party to a maid of honor and a best man, and explain (when asked) that the wedding is an intimate celebration with just family.


Feb 14, 2013 10:01PM
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Its rude, just don't send said people who did'nt make the cut an invite.

 

Feb 14, 2013 6:55PM
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Its rude and unecessary, if I don't get an invitation, than I know I not invited Duh!

Feb 14, 2013 7:22AM
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I thought being invited via a m****book messaging was rude but that looks almost classy compared to this!
Feb 14, 2013 1:37AM
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I received one last fall informing me that due to the fact they were having the reception at a very expensive hotel  they had a limit of 100 guests and hoped that I would understand.    I replied that I understood and since I shop at very expensive stores I would only be able to purchase gifts for couples inviting me to their wedding. 

 

I know - two wrongs don't make a right - but it was fun. 

Feb 13, 2013 9:45PM
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