Sex with an ex is common post-breakup
Plus, an expert tells us why revisiting romance is a terrible idea.
For many young adults, "ex sex" is just part of the breakup process. At least that's what a new study from Lucas County, Ohio has found.
Researchers collected data on 792 "emerging adults" between the ages of 17 to 24. All had been in a relationship in the past two years, and the study authors found that nearly half (44 percent) had hooked up with an ex post-breakup.
More on MSN Living: Kissing dos and don'ts
Researchers and relationship experts agree—post-breakup sex is a bad idea. In an article in the Journal of Adolescent Research, the study's authors wrote:
"Those who stay in contact following a breakup continue to feel the pain of the breakup more intensely and may have more difficulty moving on. Previous research found that college students who had sex with their exes mostly described this as a 'difficult or negative event.'"
More on MSN Living: 50 wedding cost-cutting tips from real brides
Dating expert Shay "Your Date Diva" Williams agrees. She's a certified dating and relationship coach and has written extensively on the topic of "ex sex." She tells The Heart Beat that young adults may be more likely to hop in the sack with an ex for three reasons:"Most times it is their first time at love or really bonding with another, and it is hard to break away from those strong attachments."
Second, they lack the experience to realize that "sex with the ex is a dead end street that leads to more pain and heartache." And finally, it’s a familiar and comfortable way to find sexual satisfaction. For young ladies, this may be especially appealing, as they can avoid the stigma of increasing their "sexual number," Williams explains.
Aside from the obvious issue of prolonged heartbreak, Williams says there are a variety of reasons why ex sex is an awful idea.
"My favorite saying is that 'if the paint was wet when you got up, it will be still wet when you try to sit back down!' There is a reason why the relationship ended. Introducing sex into a situation with no boundaries leaves everyone emotionally vulnerable and unable to fully let go and trust each other. This leads to a downhill spiral of dysfunction in the relationship as it removes any motivation for the male to win back the affections of his ex. Sex with the ex is self-torture at it's best."
If youth is wasted on the young, then so is precautionary advice. We've all lived through a time when "do now, think later" was our main mantra. So what if you've already revisited romance and are now dealing with the repressions?
"The only way to start clearing your system of the surge of this hormone is to cut one's self off cold turkey," Williams tells us. "It will hurt at first but with time, a growing self-love and determination, you will wonder what you ever saw in the ex in the first place."
More from The Heart Beat:
Is courtship really dead?
Leaders are better at relationships, study finds
Cellphones are ruining relationships, study finds
Bing: It's divorce season?!
Love content like this? Friend us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter and find us on Pinterest
Photo: Assembly/Getty Images
I don't believe I would give my ex the satisfaction of ever sleeping with me again. Does the break-up break my heart--yes. I still love him because he is the father of my child but the person I thought he was...was a lie. Divorcing me while 8 months pregnant, the thought of sex with him now make my skin crawl.
love: friendship, dating, sex & marriage
-
5 last minute tips for planning your summer wedding
Your summer wedding is only a few months away? Don’t sweat it! We have the finishing touches that will guarantee your wedding to be the absolute best blow out.
-
How to plan your wedding in 30 days
Planning a wedding involves months (sometimes years) of endless details, pressing deadlines, family drama and—far too often—enough stress to make you just want to elope. Stop right there. Consider this your cheat sheet and secret weapon against such insanity.
-
The 10 rocky moments every relationship faces
Those Facebook friends that seem to have the perfect life with the flawless husband they adore at all times? Even they face tough times like these.
-
Funniest wedding invitations
If you’re planning a crazy fun wedding, check out these hilarious wedding invitations.
-
30 great outdoor dating ideas for summer
Up your dating game this summer by taking advantage of the season’s warm weather and extended evening light to move some of your dates outdoors.
-
Funniest ‘save the dates’
You’ve said yes. Now it’s time to start planning your wedding. Give guests a heads up with clever “save the date” cards. Here are 30 funny ones.
-
What's your love language?
Gifts, affirmations, physical touch—what makes you feel most loved? One expert identified five main ways we express love. What's your preferred love language?
-
How to speak someone else's love language
Rocky relationship? Maybe you and your spouse just have different ways of expressing love. Not to worry—here are some tips for speaking your partner's love language.
-
Fun things to do with a woman
Hershey's syrup, whipped cream, and a Catwoman mask. Yes, yes, we were thinking the same thing: Nothing beats a woman who purrs. But what if you're still trying to get to the next level of your relationship? Well, that's where the fun comes in. "Ultimately, fun is the best aphrodisiac," says Paul Joannides, author of "The Guide to Getting It On!" "Quit looking for sexy and look for fun instead—and you'll end up having more sex." We like the way this guy thinks. That's why we brainstormed these adventures (with some help from experts and our female friends).
-
The dos and don'ts of having the 'what are we?' talk
Before you sit down for 'the talk', read this guide to make sure you don't say the wrong things.
-
15 secrets of happy couples
They look lovingly at each other across rooms, finish their partners' sentences, and playfully poke fun at one another. Here's how those blissful twosomes keep the romance alive.
-
25 sweet ways to say 'I love you'
Dear readers, You really are the sweetest. These quotes, sourced from our Facebook page, show that there are plenty of unique ways to tell your partner just how much you adore him.
