28 reasons Thanksgiving is the least sexy holiday
Thanksgiving has many wonderful things about it — most of them edible — but it does not include a boost to your sex life.
By Gena Kaufman
While I love, love, love Thanksgiving and the week of delicious leftovers after it, it has to be said: Thanksgiving is not sexy. In fact, it might be the least sexy holiday ever.
It's got none of the romance of Valentine's Day, it lacks the sex appeal of Halloween costumes, and it's much too cold for outdoor barbecues or pool parties.
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Here are just a few things that may contribute to a very unsexy celebration of thanks, whether you're spending it alone or with your guy:
1. Overcrowded airline travel.
2. Screaming babies on overcrowded airline travel.
3. Screaming babies at your grandma’s house.
4. The hangover you’re nursing after Thanksgiving Eve, the all-important night of judging your old high school friends at the local bar.
5. Being stuck in traffic.
6. The huge fight you get in while stuck in traffic.
7. Your mother.
8. His mother.
9. Your drunken aunt who can’t stop asking when you two are getting married already.
10. His drunken uncle with a wandering eye and penchant for dirty jokes.
11. Voluntarily sticking your hand into a turkey’s cavity.
12. Accidentally sticking your hand on a hot pan.
13. Or jamming a knife in your finger while slicing sweet potatoes.
14. Political, religious or assorted family drama at the dinner table.
15. Your sister's three loud kids who spill everything, everywhere. Loudly.
16. Turkey coma.
17. Tofurkey coma, if you’re vegetarian.
18. Pumpkin pie moustache (OK, that's not a real thing but it could be).
19. The way you both unbutton your jeans to make room for seconds.
20. Painful indigestion for the rest of the night.
21. Washing 4,000 dirty dishes and grimy pots.
22. The hideous sweater he wore because his mom bought it for him.
23. The matching footie pajamas your mom bought for the whole family to sleep in.
24. Separate rooms when you’re under your parents' roof.
25. The fear of overhearing your parents having sex.
26. The possibility of running into your high school boyfriend while sporting sweats, gravy stains and a greasy ponytail on Black Friday.
27. The possibility that your mom will find out that you made out with said high school boyfriend on Thanksgiving Eve.
28. Leftover turkey coma, Day Two.
See? It's just not a holiday that's conducive to sex or romance. And do not suggest spicing it up with some sort of tacky Pilgrim and Native American reenactment.
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But, sexy or not, I'm more than thankful for an excuse to spend time with my loved ones. And by loved ones, I mean my friends, my family and my mashed potatoes.
What are your Thanksgiving plans this year? What other unsexy aspects of this delicious holiday did I forget?
Photo: Noel Hendrickson/Getty Images
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