MSN
  • More
    • Autos
    • Careers & Jobs
    • Celebrities
    • Delish
    • Entertainment
    • Games
    • Glo
    • Healthy Living
    • Living
    • Money
    • News
    • msnNOW
    • Real Estate & Rentals
    • Sports
    • Travel
    • Video
    • Weather
    • WhitePages
    • Full MSN Index
  • Outlook.com
    • Inbox
    • Calendar
    • Contacts
    • Send e-mail
  • Mobile
Bing
Rewards
�

Bing Search

Living | Web | Images | Video | News | Maps | Shopping
Loading...

What his sex signals really mean

Psychologist Dr. Brandy Engler, author of the new book, The Men On My Couch: True Stories of Sex, Love, and Psychotherapy, has found that guys' bedroom behavior can be very revealing of where they're at emotionally. Here are five common patterns.
Redbook // Redbook

Sex is a window into his emotional state

A couple looking intimate Next Slide

"Many women assume that men have biological needs that just have to be satisfied and that's what makes up their entire motivation for sex," says Dr. Engler. "Yet men are often taught it's more accepted to express themselves sexually rather than emotionally, and so they project all kinds of things about themselves in the bedroom without even knowing it."

Video: How to put romance back into your relationship

For example, if your guy is feeling powerless in your relationship — maybe after losing his job and no longer being the breadwinner — he might start to act more aggressive between the sheets. If you notice a change in how forceful he is, initiate a conversation outside the bedroom to better understand whether he is feeling helpless in any aspect of his life or your relationship. "Sexually men act out, and women tend to 'act in' by losing libido," says Dr. Engler. Nix that by talking things out.

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
1 of 7 Getty Images

Ask and you shall receive

Previous Slide A woman making a flirty face Next Slide

"A lot of women don't know that many men feel like they can't let go and be completely themselves because they're trying to please their wives so much," says Dr. Engler. "There can be a lot of anxiety surrounding sex, with men stressing about pleasing the woman, while many women are conflicted about their right to ask for and receive pleasure," Do you notice that you tend to be more passive in the bedroom and let him do all the work? Don't make him responsible for your satisfaction.

Bing: How to talk with your partner about intimacy

Try to get out of your own head and concentrate purely on feeling and enjoying all the sensations happening, without worrying what you or your husband is doing. This will subtly let him know he's not being judged, which helps him relax, too, so he can enjoy himself — and you — more.

2 of 7 Getty Images

Wanting more sex than usual may be his way of reaching out

Previous Slide a couple gazing into one another's eyes Next Slide

Sure, guys' push for sex may be more emotional than physical. And guys who start demanding sex every single night may not be doing it out of sheer horniness, but because they feel anxious about your connection and need reassurance that you still love them.

Video: How to express your feelings

Make him feel desired by sending texts about how badly you want him when you're apart. Or do something special to surprise him, like making his favorite dinner on a regular, old Tuesday night.

3 of 7 Getty Images

He hasn't stopped wanting sex because of your baby weight

Previous Slide A baby and mom on the scale together Next Slide

Though a long-married man commonly blames his low sex drive on the fact that his wife put on 15 pounds, the underlying reason most likely has to do with some disappointment he feels in the relationship. “He objectifies her by honing in on her body parts, but there's actually a lot of anger behind that," says Dr. Engler.

Bing: Why emotion is important in a relationship

If guys express their emotions through sex, it may be more natural for him to sexualize the issue than to dig deeper to find out the real source of his disappointment. In fact, your few extra pounds likely isn't killing his sex drive. Instead, it's that he feels like the kids get all of your attention and that you have no energy left for him. Your husband will be there long after the kids are grown, so don't wait to invest time in your relationship. Drop the children off at their grandparents so the two of you can spend a few hours reconnecting one-on-one. Having shared experiences sans kids, and setting aside alone time will make him feel like you're invested in him — and will rekindle his libido.

4 of 7 Getty Images

His cheating isn't about not loving you

Previous Slide A man with wedding ring off Next Slide

You may think that just because your guy worships the ground you walk on that he won't wander, but the statistics show that is just not the case. "A man doesn't cheat because there's something wrong with the woman, but because of his own internal needs, such as seeking gratification that he's sexy or good enough," says Dr. Engler.

Video: How to prevent emotional infidelity

"A common complaint I hear from men is that they don't feel appreciated." Ensure your relationship doesn't become plagued with flirty Facebook messages to exes, or suggestive texts to a crush by making sure your husband feels prized, as straying may be more rooted in his own desires to be recognized. Leave sticky notes on the bathroom mirror thanking him for mundane stuff such as dropping off the dry cleaning, or make it a point to tell him something about him that you're grateful for every night before you go to sleep.

5 of 7 Getty Images
Previous Slide Redbook // Redbook Next Slide
6 of 7 Redbook
Previous Slide
More Slideshows on MSN Living
calculator
The 10 numbers you need to be smart with...
UP NEXT:
An all white kitchen
13 Party Clean-Up Tips from the Pros
A happy couple
25 sweet ways to say 'I love you'
More from Redbook
date ideas
26 Fun, Cheap Date Ideas
couple kissing
17 5-Minute Marriage Makeovers
Meg Ryan
75 Most Iconic Hairstyles of All Time
↺Replay "What his sex signals really mean"
More on MSN Living
7 of 7
More from Redbook
  • Foreplay Moves Men Secretly Crave
  • 50 Simple Little Ways to Feel Sexy
  • 10 Phrases He Secretly Hates
  • 40 No-Fail Beauty Shortcuts
  • 50 Most Iconic Beauty Looks of All Time
  • 25 Reasons Why Married Sex is Better
User Picture
Write a comment...
2Comments
Newest
Oldest
Best
Worst
Controversial
 
Offthedole
Feb 12, 2013 10:15PM
avatar

Uh ladies...when you hear "Scuse me while I whip this out" that means bend over and prepare for some plowin'

  •     7    6
  • Replies (0)Hide replies
  • Report
  • Spam
Previous replies
 
 
User Picture
Write a reply...
polkymumble
Feb 12, 2013 2:11PM
avatar
Say NO to Legalizing Girl/Boy Circumcision. Say NO to 17 Year-Old Vagina/Penis Carrying 70 Year-Old Clitoris/Glans.$$
  •     1    11
  • Replies (0)Hide replies
  • Report
  • Spam
Previous replies
 
 
User Picture
Write a reply...
Report
Please help us to maintain a healthy and vibrant community by reporting any illegal or inappropriate behavior. If you believe a message violates theCode of Conductplease use this form to notify the moderators. They will investigate your report and take appropriate action. If necessary, they report all illegal activity to the proper authorities.
Categories
100 character limit
Are you sure you want to delete this comment?

love: friendship, dating, sex & marriage

  • Photo: Bride finds another groom at wedding, Education Images, UIG, Getty Images

    Heartbroken bride finds another groom at wedding

    Grab the popcorn—this story is the stuff of soap operas.

  • Make eye contact to flirt

    The best ways to flirt

    This short course in flirting will not only teach you how to flirt better but also how to tell when someone is flirting with you—and how to respond. Have fun.

  • Men get better at sex (Getty Images)

    Good news: Men get better in bed

    The decline and fall of the married sex life is a myth, says Aaron Traister. The truth is so much hotter.

  • Angry couple, Tetra Images forGetty Images

    Most marriages don't survive infidelity

    When should you try to save your relationship, and when should you let go?

  • Summer fling signs

    Summer love: Is it a fling or the real thing?

    Wondering if your summer love will last? Here are 15 signs if your seasonal love is fleeting or for real.

  • Rose and Jack

    The most memorable star-crossed movie couples

    Sixteen years after "Titanic’s" release—and 101 years after the historic ship’s notorious sinking—our hearts still go on for star-crossed lovers Rose DeWitt Bukater (Kate Winslet) and Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio). We rounded up some of our favorite ill-fated, but oh-so-romantic affairs on film, from "Gone with the Wind" to "Moulin Rouge!".

  • Keep mystery about your body

    How to flirt with your husband

    Flirting shouldn't be retired once you've got the ring. We asked relationship expert Harlan Cohen, as well as real husbands, the best way to keep the sparks flying.

  • Getty Images // Getty

    Your man questions, manswered

    When we're annoyed by male behavior, we turn to columnist Aaron Traister. His logic may be strange, but we have to admit, it's pretty helpful. Here, he answers our many questions for guys.

  • Keep your own life

    7 ways to jump-start your sex drive

    Author Amanda Robb talks to clinical psychologist David Schnarch, Ph.D., author of Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships and Intimacy and Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship, to discover the ways she can relight the fire in her own relationship. What she learned just might help you wake up your own libido.

  • Photo: Cheesecake Factory \\ Photo: Bloomberg\Getty Images

    Cheating spouses prefer the Cheesecake Factory, Red Lobster

    A new survey reveals the dining preferences of cheaters.

  • Have constructive arguments with your spouse

    Sorry, we are not breaking up!

    A guide to staying together forever…straight from divorce lawyers! They know what tears couples apart, and they’ll tell you how to avoid it.

ad choices
Loading...
Most Popular
  • Shared
  • Commented
  • Viewed
20 hottest dog breeds
Barnett Newman painting auctioned for $43.8 million
5 heartwarming Armed Forces homecomings
Marriage proposals gone wrong
'Be My Slave' photo shoot shocks
Totally affordable anti-aging products
School bans Ten Commandments from classrooms
Iconic cleaning products that have stood the test of time
Heartbroken bride finds another groom at wedding
Report: Finland is best place to be a mother
School bans Ten Commandments from classrooms
'Be My Slave' photo shoot shocks
Barnett Newman painting auctioned for $43.8 million
Report: Finland is best place to be a mother
American Apparel in trouble for 'sexist' ad campaign
20 hottest dog breeds
Respecting other people's beliefs
Marriage proposals gone wrong
Topless women in public not breaking the law, says NYPD
Billboard Music Awards beauty
20 things everyone should do at least once
25 things that will keep you young
The most iconic workwear of all time
40 greatest love stories of all time
Funniest ‘save the dates’
15 untruths you may have believed
What no one told me about motherhood
The best ways to flirt
Get your life back in order
The month in hairstyles
buzzing now on msn living
Loading...
ad choices
follow us
follow us follow us on facebook follow us on pinterest follow us on twitter
relationships videos
editor's picks
Loading...
ad choices
  • get the look
    • everyday fashion
    • celeb style
    • weddings
    • makeup, skin & hair
    • shop
    • your work style
  • home
    • room décor
    • organizing
    • entertaining
  • relationships
    • sex
    • marriage
    • love
  • love your life
    • parenting
    • mom’s homeroom
    • popular video
  • experts & blogs
    • miss manners
    • lifestyle & culture buzz
    • style for her
    • news he can use
    • the family room
    • sex & love news
    • the married chick
  • msn living
    • cooking
    • healthy living
    • fitness
    • style
    • the healthy household
  • HOME
  • STYLE & BEAUTY
    • fashion
    • makeup, skin & hair
    • wedding style
    • celebrity style
    • closet genius
    • simply chic
    • living exclusives▼
      • Simply Beautiful: Your Guide to Gorgeous Hair
      • Start Your Morning Off Right
  • HOME DÉCOR
    • cleaning & organizing
    • interior design
    • diy decorating
    • living exclusives▼
      • Spring Refresh
  • FAMILY & KIDS
    • the family room blog
    • pets
    • raising kids
    • off the leash blog
    • kid wonders
    • living exclusives▼
      • Fun in the Summer Sun for Less
      • Father's Day
      • Celebrate Dads and Grads
  • INSPIRED LIFE
    • inspire me
    • life unleashed
    • miss manners & advice
    • blogs▼
      • the daily dose blog
      • the men's department
    • living exclusives▼
      • A Year of Happiness
      • Did You Know?
      • Elevated
      • Life Coach
      • Life Unwrapped
      • Time to Bloom
  • LOVE & SEX
    • sex
    • weddings
    • married chick blog
    • heart beat blog
    • living exclusives▼
      • The Liberating Side of Being Together
    • sex by the numbers
  • SHOPPING
    • spring fashion
    • wedding guide
    • home
    • kids
    • living exclusives▼
      • Father's Day Gift Guide
      • Summer Gift Guide
    • circulars
  • TECH
    • technobabble blog
    • social
    • mobile
    • home tech
  • VIDEOS
    • closet genius
    • elevated
    • year of happiness
    • sex by the numbers
    • kid wonders
    • life coach
    • face to face
  • MORE
    • glo
    • greetings
    • delish
    • healthy living
    • diet & fitness
    • horoscopes
LIVINGMSN PrivacyLegalAdvertiseAbout our adsFeedbackHelp
� 2013 Microsoft