The 6 Most Annoying Cookout Couples
The Grill Masters
Probably the most common type, this couple is not shy about voicing their opinions when it comes to manning the grill. Step aside and let a pro show you how it's done. Did you know 10 degrees higher would make the perfect grill mark? That you really want to flip the burgers twice for ultimate perfection? That it's really all about the charcoal? You do now! And don't worry — these helpful tips will continue well after the food has been served. "This is a good burger, but you know what would make it better?" Oh, you will.
This couple is in love. Really in love. Doubt it? Well, take a look: They're sharing a plate, they're sharing food — heck, they're even sharing a seat (even though there are plenty of empty ones). Think that's bad? Pool-party throwers, beware: This couple becomes even more in love when wet. (Yes, we're talking about pool make-out sessions.)
The Booze Hounds
This couple starts out as the life of the party: They brought their famous sangria, and all is right with the world. But in about five seconds flat, their personal stock is depleted and they're about three beers in. Problem is, the food isn't even ready yet. By the time it is, they're bringing out limes and raiding the liquor cabinet, raring to do tequila shots. Unless you enjoy watching them make a spectacle of themselves that they won't even remember, make sure to lock that cabinet. Seriously.
The Self-Important Minglers
We're definitely all for being social, but this couple takes it to a whole new level, turning a simple backyard shindig into their own personal reality TV show audition. From gossip about the new neighbor down the street to remarks about his new business venture and her new blog, which has gotten "so much press" lately, you'd think there were cameras hiding in the bushes. Oh but you must excuse them for a moment — there's someone they just have to talk to ...
The Health Nuts
Don't get us wrong — being mindful of what one eats is admirable. But this twosome takes it a little too far. It's not enough that they ask for special soy patties found only in the next town over and want to scrape down the grill since it came into contact with your meat — but they don't even want to start cooking their patties until the meat smell completely burns off your grill. Oh, and that coleslaw you made with yogurt? They would eat it, but you didn't use the all-organic, special probiotic Greek yogurt, so they'll have to pass. ("Did you even buy that cabbage locally?")
"Omigod! You're having a cookout? That's so cute! I haven't been to one of those in ages," is probably the response you got from one of these two. Bratwursts? They prefer artisan sausage. Bud Light? They only drink craft brews. And don't even get them started on your store-bought guacamole. You'd think they wouldn't show up at all, but you're wrong: They'll sit down and chow down if invited. After all, they consider this an anthropological exploration.