Six "Sexy" Things That Aren't

Every item on this list is supposed to turn men on. Weirdly enough, says Glamour's relationship columnist Jake, they may do just the opposite. by Jake

What Is Sexy?

Illustration of woman blowing on the side of a man's face//"Six Sexy Things That Aren't"

Women continue to knock sexy out of the park in ways that could make a grown man cry. (From boy shorts to oversize shades, you guys know what you're doing.) And yet the line between "hot" and "trying too hard" can be very thin.

These are a few of the efforts you really shouldn't make to impress us. Because, trust me, we're already there.

©Glamour

1 of 9 Illustration by Kagan McLeod, courtesy of Glamour

Fishnet Stockings

You might be thinking, "Now, wait a second, Jake, this sounds like nothing more than one man's personal preference." To that I offer you exhibit A, my friend James*: "When a woman wears fishnets, it's like she's banging you over the head with 'notice my legs,'" he says. "Believe me, a short skirt works just fine." Unless you are both French and a maid, no holey tights, please.

*Names have been changed

2 of 9 © Getty Images, courtesy of Glamour

A Pucker Like Gwen Stefani's

Woman applying red lipstick//"Six Sexy Things That Aren't"

Technically, superbright red lipstick is sexy, but it also seems to say, "Look but don't touch, or you'll mess up my paparazzi-ready makeup." While we're on the subject, when a woman compulsively reapplies lipstick or gloss of any shade after every bite and sentence, we're torn. Your lips look delicious, but kissing you means ingesting a product. And that's not what we had in mind for dessert.

Video: Easy, Pretty Lips>

3 of 9 © Getty Images, courtesy of Glamour

"Screaming Orgasms," Jell-O Shots and Other Crazy Drinks

Woman holding cocktail//"Six Sexy Things That Aren't"

When my friend Mark's date ordered a Sex on the Beach and gave him a flirtatious look, he got uncomfortable. "Suddenly I was out with a vixen," he said. "If that's the drink you like, great, but it doesn't add to your appeal." Actually, the only order likely to impress a guy is a shot of whiskey, and that's because most of us aren't man enough to down one.

Video: How to Impress a Man on a Date>

4 of 9 © Getty Images, courtesy of Glamour

Ear Blowing

Woman blowing into a man's ear//"Six Sexy Things That Aren't"

There's nothing sexier than an accidental female breath in your ear, but when one ex intentionally puffed into my left canal, I felt trapped in a Juicy Fruit-scented wind tunnel. (Also, it kind of hurt.) And throwing in a growl or moan? Doesn't help.

5 of 9 © Getty Images, courtesy of Glamour

Not Wearing Any Underwear

Woman removing underwear//"Six Sexy Things That Aren't"

With this one, circumstances count. It's sexy when it's just for us, and a thumbs-down when we find out you've spent the day that way. See, when you go commando, we think you're ready for action in two snaps. That's hot. But if you've been alfresco at work for hours, it means other dudes were mere snaps away. That's disturbing.

6 of 9 © Getty Images, courtesy of Glamour

Face Spangles

I was at dinner with my last girlfriend, Claudia, admiring the candlelight reflecting off her olive skin, the warmth of her smile and … hold on, was that glitter on her eyes? In glitter's defense, it's not not sexy; maybe it's even in style right now. But it marks the point where makeup veers into arts 'n' crafts. No man dates a woman because she's an expert with cosmetics. He dates you for what's underneath all that. P.S. Claudia, I miss you, spangles and all.

More from Bing and MSN Lifestyle Site Search: See more on what drives men nuts, how to flirt and what men find sexy.

Jake is a real, live single guy dating in New York City.

7 of 9 © Getty Images, courtesy of Glamour

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11Comments

Best

Oct 30, 2012 9:29PM

Any woman reading this, dont listen please and thank you

Previous replies

Zeon0087

Oct 30, 2012 9:32PM

As a man I only want to say the following: More Fishnets please.

Previous replies

BUBBA963

Oct 30, 2012 10:19PM

next time you should have a man that actually likes women write an article like this

Previous replies

fashionbuster

Oct 30, 2012 9:52PM

Where do they find these clueless guys to comment about what men like?

And why focus on fishnets only that is so cliche. So here it is: sheer pantyhose with no panties underneath as an option, is a perfect combination. Oh, and if fishnets are your thing, go for it!

Previous replies

zuksam

Oct 30, 2012 10:26PM

This article is what happens when you ask gay men what's sexy about women. What you do and how you dress depends on the relationship you're in or are looking for. If you dress like a slut to meet men you will meet a certain type of men but if you dress slutty and act that way on a night you go over your boyfriends (of 6 months or more)house to just hang out you will make him very happy because he will know it's all for him not for whoever comes along that night. If you just want to get laid then dress as sexy as you want but if you want a boyfriend then dress sexy enough so he knows you're sexy but just short of slutty or skanky. A guy who hits on a girl dressed like a slut is just looking for a slut.

Previous replies

Kes Polar (Sorry But Wrong)

Oct 30, 2012 9:35PM

HOT!!!!!!!!

Previous replies

Kes Polar (Sorry But Wrong)

Oct 30, 2012 9:34PM

Hot

Previous replies

Kes Polar (Sorry But Wrong)

Oct 30, 2012 9:34PM

Sorry but that is HOT!!!!!!!!!!

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Service Ad

Mar 8, 2013 5:58PM

Interesting article?? Not that I mind my wife with no make-up, hair pulled back, in sweatpants and one of my t-shirts shuffling around in fuzzy blue slippers....but I wouldn't mind seeing her drink something other diet coke, wear lipstick instead of chapstick, stockings instead of tube socks, and no underwear? OMG sign me up! The sparkly makeup, I think is super cute. My wife is hot no matter what but when she is "made" up, /drool.

Previous replies

Notz E

Jan 13, 2013 6:56AM

1) WRONG. Any stockings are better than no stockings at all.

2) Correct. It's 2013, not 1953. Stockings are one thing, lips are quite another.

3) I believe in the reinstatement of the 18th Amendment. I'd rather you didn't even drink club soda.

4) Correct. This is another thing that belongs on "Happy Days" reruns, not in the Here and Now.

5) Correct. This one's so beyond slutty, I can't descend low enough in condemning it.

6) Correct. Mom was a cosmetician, in Life. Half the women today, wouldn't know a make up lesson, if they studied it at Stanford.

WOW. That's frightening. I actually agreed with most of this. I'll have to start tracking these. : D

Previous replies

Six "Sexy" Things That Aren't

What Is Sexy?

Fishnet Stockings

A Pucker Like Gwen Stefani's

"Screaming Orgasms," Jell-O Shots and Other Crazy Drinks

Ear Blowing

Not Wearing Any Underwear

Face Spangles

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