Old-Fashioned Dating Rules That Still Apply

There is no question the dating rulebook has changed.

Old School Meets New School

Just in the last 50 years, societal events such as the feminist movement, birth control, increased lifespan, and the Internet have created new rules of engagement. But just as some things change, some things stay the same.

Dating is thought (rightfully so) to be a confusing process but the more we go back to the basics, the more successful we'll be. Here are some good ol' fashioned rules that still apply today.

Video: Deciphering Modern Dating Rituals >

©Essence

1 of 9 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

Preparing for a Date

Always Look Your Best
Attraction is very primal. We're attracted to "good looks." That said, You never know when you may meet that special someone at the supermarket, or gas station, or on the street. If you always look your best, you'll always stand the best chance to secure a date.

Confidence Is Sexy
Men love a woman with confidence. Be sure to smile, keep your back straight, listen attentively, walk with your shoulders back and speak slowly. This will make you seem confident, even if you are quivering with nervousness inside.

Bad Breath Kills
Nothing kills chances of a kiss or a second date like bad breath. If your breathy conversation has been malodorous, chances are your date will likely extend you a hand at the end of the date. Visit the dentist regularly, practice healthy brushing habits at home and always carry mints!

Video: Dating Expectations vs. Reality >

2 of 9 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

During the Date

We Show Our Respect With Our Time
If he's 5-10 minutes late, he may be pulling a Diddy and he's trying to make an entrance. However, 10 minutes plus, with no phone call, is simply rude. Multiple incidents like this show you exactly what how much respect he has for your time.

Gentlemen Offer To Pay
This rule will be debated for the next 1000 years and for the next 1000 years, the answer will be the same. If he's a gentleman, he'll offer to pay on the first date (regardless of who asks). If he doesn't, it doesn't mean he's a bad guy but it does mean his chivalry skills are lacking.

Good Manners Are Telling
We should all know that the good manners of saying "please" and "thank you" never ever goes out of style, especially on a date.

Body Language Says More
Avoid fidgeting with your hair or clothes; this signals insecurity. Remember that only 1/3 of communication is about the words you speak.

Video: What's the Right 'Date Place' for You? >

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During the Date

Don't Offer Too Much Info Too Early
People like people they can't figure out in one evening. Don't divulge too much and keep your dates short. Short dates will keep him longing for more.

Honesty Is The Best Policy
Drama is avoided when we tell the truth. There must be a balance you strike with this rule and the former (because omitting the truth is also lying).
No "Your Momma" Talk
Avoid criticizing his mom (or yours). This will cause anyone to become defensive (or view you as not being family oriented - which is popular non-negotiable).

Be A Lady
Even if you can fart Amazing Grace without missing a beat, avoid boasting about this on your first date. Even if he is crass with his boys, he will find vulgarity unappealing in the woman he is dating.

Video: Avoiding First-Date Overshares >

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Keeping in Touch

Phone Calls Win
Modern technology has provided a million and one ways to contact potential dates - email, text, Facebook message, and tweet to name a few. No matter how far technology advances, the phone call will always best way to connect (aside from in-person). All methods other than phone are simply not as brave, direct, or clear.

Ain't Nothin' Open After Midnight 'Cept Legs
Don't accept requests for late meetings with your new guy. If he has respect for you and your time, he will make plans for a more decent dating hour. Otherwise, beware that he's only looking for a booty call.

Know When It's On To The Next One
Don't make excuses if he doesn't call after the first date. He's not interested. Move on. Creating a fantasy is a waste of time.

Video: Want a Second Date? Call, Don't Text >

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Things to Keep In Mind

A Man Without A Plan Isn't Ready For You
If you find yourself having the "what do you want to do tonight" conversation on the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd dates, chances are he's just not that into you.

Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free?
Don't rush sexual intimacy. Early sex is one sure-fire way to ruin a relationship. Make him prove his love for you before you get intimate. This rule is gospel!

It's What He Does Not What He Says
Actions speak louder than words... PERIOD!

Unveiling Vulnerability = Love
When they show you they are vulnerable, that's when they show you they're in love. He has let his guard down to let you in.

You Will Kiss a Few Frogs Before You Meet Your Prince
D not be discouraged when it seems that that your dates never lead to anything meaningful. That's what dating is about -- going out with new people to get to know more about your likes, deal breakers and to get better at your own social skills. Your prince is out there!

6 of 9 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

Need More Advice?

Please share this list with friends and be sure to add your thoughts and feedback in the comments section.

If you have further questions for me. I can be contacted on Twitter at @PaulCBrunson on facebook.com/PaulBrunson or online at www.onedegreefrom.me.

7 of 9 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

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11Comments

Best

Feb 25, 2012 10:47PM

Having lived overseas and socialized with folks from other countries there as well as here in the US, I wanted to mention that phone calls are great, but make sure you both understand what's being said. Open-ended questions can lead to frustration if one party's language skills are limited. Yes/no questions can be misunderstood, too. Also, in some cultures, it is more polite to simply agree, rather than ask for clarification.

That said, sometimes, text messages are a good stopgap. The other party can consider their answer and compose a response at their own pace, rather than feeling pressured and possibly responding inappropriately.

Also, flexibility is very helpful. If you thought you had a date, but there was a misunderstanding, be gracious about apologizing and try to reschedule. As with any relationship, working through differences and misunderstandings will lead to finding common ground and deeper understanding.

The rewards for your efforts will be a longer and deeper friendship - and perhaps even more! (Priceless!)

Previous replies

NVLeigh

Feb 27, 2012 7:27PM

@BStacy This is from an article form Essence Magazine which is a Black publication but the advice is for EVERY WOMAN.

Previous replies

Libra lady1014

Feb 27, 2012 8:47PM

I loved this article.

These tips are as timeless as a "little black dress" or a classic (and classy) pair of pearls. Look good, don't give up too much (anything) too soon, have some etiquette(chivalry really is appreciated and manners matter), build a little intrigue, and don't be lazy.

That said this article doesn't apply to anybody who just wants any body. Young or old, the ladies I know (not the chicken heads, or chics or jump offs) LOVE a man with a plan who has manners. And the men I know want ladies who let men be men and know how to utilize their femininity for good.

Previous replies

Rodney S. Leon (Rodney Leon)

Mar 2, 2012 12:41AM

Chivalry, communication, mutual respect covers any small glitches that might arise.

If you got a question ASK for clarification so everybody knows whats expected of them.

Previous replies

TENNSUMITSUMA

Oct 6, 2012 5:51AM

'Gentlemen Offer To Pay
This rule will be debated for the next 1000 years and for the next 1000 years, the answer will be the same. If he's a gentleman, he'll offer to pay on the first date (regardless of who asks). If he doesn't, it doesn't mean he's a bad guy but it does mean his chivalry skills are lacking.'

gotta love the equality feminism affords us.

as for this gentleman ****, if you all really knew what gentleman was you wouldnt like it.

do some research

Gentleman=Trick=John

Previous replies

erin15

Oct 16, 2012 4:41PM

"Gentlemen Offer To Pay"

Um, no...just...NO

The person who asks, pays. THAT is equality.

If you ask a man out to a fancy restaurant and then expect him to pay for it you have not asked him out on a date, you have given him a bill. That is selfish and demeaning for you both.

If you ask the man out but still expect him to pay, then you are not treating yourselves as equals.

Previous replies

Allyou

Feb 27, 2012 5:25PM

I do not think that dating is the problem, it what out there that makes you wonder about dating. who to meet, were to meet them, and what there interest are, and are you sure that they are being so....?

Previous replies

JFA_Spyderman

Feb 27, 2012 5:18PM

Why are all the pictures of 70's era african american people?

Previous replies

Someone

Feb 27, 2012 5:19PM

So let me get this straight:

It's still "ok" for a woman to claim enough empowerment to ask a guy for his time, that she might not have had otherwise, and still expect to be seen as enough of a "lady" to cry chivalry and expect said man to figure out what's going to happen and how to pay for it?

Yeah, really must be nice to have a birthright to hypocrisy.