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Modern Day Matchmaker: The 10 Worst First Date Ideas of All Time

I know first dates very well. Over the last year, I don’t think there is one person on the planet who has set up more people on first dates than me — through my events and matchmaking, I've arranged more than 1,000 first dates. 
Given that experience, there is one thing I know better than the electric slide, and that is that there are certain date ideas that are great and others that typically end in complete failure.
Essence // Essence
A couple holding hands Next Slide

Now let me underscore by saying, there are typically two types of first daters: 1) Casual daters simply looking for no-strings-attached companionship (or no-strings-attached something else) and 2) Commitment-minded daters. For this list, I'm strictly talking about the latter. 
The following are what I know to be the worst first date ideas of all time. I plead with you not to go on any of the following adventures with someone you're hoping to have a future with. Okay? Here goes.

Video: Making First Impressions >

©Essence
1 of 13

The Club

Previous Slide A couple snuggling Next Slide

A cool venue, good music, and an opportunity to check out his rhythm... The club sounds like the ideal spot for a first date. Not! Clubs are fraught with trouble: loud music you have to scream over and no experiential learning other than getting an inkling on how he will move between the sheets. Clubs are bad first-date ideas.

Video: Choosing a Date Location >

2 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

Anything With Friends

Previous Slide A dinner party Next Slide

I'm not against friends meeting up with your date prior and/or after a first date (as a matter of fact, this is a good strategy to keep dates on schedule and safe) -- but having friends present throughout the entire first date affords less opportunity for one-on-one communication.

Video: Before you date, investigate your mate >

3 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

A Homecoming Weekend

Previous Slide A couple camping Next Slide

A good first-date idea is one that allows both people to feel included, and it's best when you both share a new experience. Homecomings are trips back in time -- re-living strolling the yard, reconnecting with friends you haven't seen in years, and showing off that new outfit. None of this allows a date to truly participate at a level worthy of their time.

4 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

An Overnighter

Previous Slide A couple in the bedroom Next Slide

On a first date, no matter how much you "connected," the bottom line is you still don't know each other. Therefore, spending the night is unsafe and statistically the best way not to get a second date. Here are some other words to describe what I think of an overnight first date: asinine, brainless, dimwitted, doltish, dumb, foolish, half-baked, idiotic, ill-advised, imbecilic, inane, irresponsible, ludicrous, mindless, nonsensical, pointless, senseless, unintelligent, chancy, erratic, hazardous, perilous, precarious, risky, shaky, slippery, and treacherous. I think I made my opinion clear.

5 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

Movies

Previous Slide A couple at the movies Next Slide

Umm, let's see. How in the world are you going to get to know someone by sitting next to him, without talking, for two hours in the dark? Save this for later in the relationship.

6 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

Dinner

Previous Slide A couple toasting with wine Next Slide

This is basically a scripted interrogation. In order to truly get to know someone, you have to observe what they do. Dinner affords little opportunity for qualitative observation, and with this being the standard go-to date for most, many have their first dinner date game memorized.

7 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

At One of Your Homes

Previous Slide A couple on a couch Next Slide

Outside of this being the most unsafe idea on the planet, it also shows a complete lack of creativity. If you're ever invited to someone's house -- or if they are bold enough to invite their lazy butt to your home -- on the first date, hit block on Facebook, delete their number and don't waste any more of your time with them.

8 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

A Family Function

Previous Slide A family BBQ Next Slide

I recall when one client told me her date took her to his family reunion and everyone asked when they were getting married. (#fail) No reunions, cousin's cookouts, visits to Big Mama's house, and Lord, please, no funerals. Yes, I've heard of first dates happening here.

9 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

A Bar

Previous Slide People at a bar Next Slide

Plug in what I wrote about dinner and add the fact that you are tossing back Moscato. Not a good look.

10 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images
Previous Slide Essence // Essence Next Slide
12 of 13 Essence
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dic_hrtz
Jun 12, 2012 11:37PM
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I had my first date at a Friendly's and it's been smooth sailing since.  And that was 2 years ago.  So this author has set up hundreds of people?  Hope you kept their contact information, you should give them their money back and find another job.  The author feeds on the lazy.  Take the girl (or guy) out on a date you BOTH can agree on.  There ya go, free of charge too!
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stun04
Jun 12, 2012 11:27PM
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So in other words you can't do anything on a first date? Because that article kind of took everything off the list and not everyone likes coffee so sitting around a coffee house might not be fun. Can you bowl is that allowed, miniature put put?
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MIBL50
Jun 12, 2012 11:10PM
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Here's an honest question though, does it make a difference if the couple is black? Is the writer suggesting that, since the article came from Essence? She could be a black woman trying to send a message to black men. As a white man, I took my wife to dinner on our my first date and worked just fine.
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Tony Lee
Jun 12, 2012 10:59PM
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This article was so wrong. I always take a woman out to dinner on the first date so I could observe what she wore and what she ate. #1 & 2 priorities. Table manners were also important. I actually met lots of women including my ex-wife in funerals. I am not a sports nut so I would never went to sports events on first or last date. I always paid cash on first date so I didn't have to remember who she was when the bill came.
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Greg Price
Jun 12, 2012 10:53PM
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This is stupid... If your from West Virginia you no that theirs nothing more to do for a date if its the first or 100th.
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whitewolf60
Jun 12, 2012 10:47PM
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What I want to know is...how do you get a chick to take off her shirt in a crowded movie theater on the first date?!? : )

 

OK, before I get any more "thumbs down" (hell, the "racists" are getting thumbs up!), I guess I should point out that I was referring to pic #6!!!

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Windstalker
Jun 12, 2012 10:46PM
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So where are the worst places to go on the first date if you're Hispanic, Asian, or White?
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EDWARD GATES (anon411)
Jun 12, 2012 10:41PM
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Here are some other words to describe the author of this BS article:  asinine, brainless, dimwitted, doltish, dumb, foolish, half-baked, idiotic, ill-advised, imbecilic, inane, irresponsible, ludicrous, mindless, nonsensical, pointless, senseless, unintelligent, chancy, erratic, hazardous, perilous, precarious, risky, shaky, slippery, and treacherous.

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torxbit
Jun 12, 2012 10:40PM
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People still go out on dates? I thought the only place you could find your match was on internet dating sites.

 

/sarcasm

 

"Good luck" is all I can say to the men out there, cause if women out there take this article to heart, looks like you have no options:D

 

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jcm1974
Jun 12, 2012 10:30PM
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So, pretty much everyone of my first dates were bad ideas according to this genious. Well, one of them is how I first dated my wonderful partner! Twelve years and counting. We didn't bode to badly!

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Letta009
Jun 12, 2012 10:24PM
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K so where are you supposed to go then??? Lol...
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mtngem98
Jun 12, 2012 10:24PM
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I'll bet the entire editorial staff here is still single and looking. Good luck finding anybody under these rules.
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BO-ISAFOOL
Jun 12, 2012 10:22PM
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Be Real - Be direct - if S-x Is What You Want - Say So...........

 

If It's A relationship you Want and to Take your time - Say So !

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snazzyG
Jun 12, 2012 10:17PM
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why is there only brown people in the slides?

 

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bklynjm
Jun 12, 2012 10:11PM
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This article was written by a 12 year old girl or a 40 year old virgin. Each a woman no doubt.
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beeper7
Jun 12, 2012 10:07PM
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My first date with my now husband was a blind date through a personals ad in the newspaper. Prior to our first meeting, we had talked several times on the phone so we weren't TOTAL strangers. We agreed to meet in a bookstore at a local mall. It was easy to find each other - I told him I would have a smiley face balloon, and there was no pressure about who pays for what, etc. We just strolled around the mall, window shopping, talking about a little bit of everything. After a couple of hours, I kissed him on the cheek in the mall, and we both went our separate ways to our cars. No pressure, no awkward moments, no safety issues (from my perspective), and I think the total cost was for a couple of sodas and a pretzel! Two years later, we were married - in November, we're celebrating our 14th anniversary.


I think our second date was a trip to the zoo to take pictures. Early dates don't have to be fancy or complicated....too many people just seem to need to make them that way.

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puppcry
Jun 12, 2012 10:06PM
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I think they failed to mention Monster Truck and RV & Boat shows.  My husband took me to a monster truck show on our first date (yikes).  However, he redeemed himself when he proposed with a karat and a half diamond engagement ring. Twenty years later, I'm still glad I over looked the red neck rally and three days of nerve deafness.
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Alternate729
Jun 12, 2012 10:00PM
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this was definitely written by a woman
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Tania Darby
Jun 12, 2012 9:59PM
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Thanks "Top 10 List" I was that close to going on a first date to dinner and the movies...PHEW...to know that you just saved me from a bad date. REALLY!? What kind of stupid list is this??

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Amber Wheeler
Jun 12, 2012 9:53PM
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My now husband walked into a Sunday night church service I was visiting and that night we went to... (also I knew him since I was 5 but hadn't seen him since I was 8 and I was 22 at the time)

 

Our frist date was 1. Dinner and then riding around until 2am in the country with windows down just catching up

                               2. Dinner (we had to drive 30 minutes to dinner since he lived in Hick town USA and then we took an hour to find a place to eat because we were having fun driving around and goofing off)

                               3. I had to drive from Louisiana to Arkansas and we went swimming, dinner, and then a movie (the hangover LOL)

We have been happily married for 3years now!!!

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Molly Kretschmer
Jun 12, 2012 9:50PM
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Can't believe that they put some of these on here. Some are just so obvious! I mean, a first date at a funeral? Can you say human sleeping pill?
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Your Name
Jun 12, 2012 9:49PM
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STRAIGHT TO THE MOTEL
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theshark87
Jun 12, 2012 9:42PM
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this author is retarded.


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Dissapointed-reader
Jun 12, 2012 9:37PM
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This article was utter nonsense. I mean there were a couple things that were quite obvious, and than there were the "unsafe" dates. Seriously, was this writer a victim of something serious? I agree that yes, you should be cautious going to someone's house. but that said, just text a couple good friends the exact location. OR trust your gut, if you get near the house and feel uneasy, than dont enter. that easy. 

 

Also, what the hell is with the "dont do this or that because you cant talk" but dinner is an "interrogation"?!!!?​ Here's something to consider, you DONT KNOW THE PERSON. so yeah, no matter what the date is, if you're talking, you could twist it in some way as an interrogation. coffee, dinner, lunch, going to a fair, at their house, BEING AROUND EACH OTHER in general!! Yeah, I'm okay with being "interrogated" if that means we actually learn about each other and want to continue further. 

 

Bottom line, be creative if possible, but Do what you want as a first date, in which you both enjoy the time spent together and have the ability to easily speak. There are obvious things we all know you shouldn't do, and if you don't know them, GOOGLE IT, because this article wont help.

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justacasualobserver
Jun 12, 2012 9:29PM
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wow, it goes to show that some msn readers are non-black folks who know nothing about things outside their own world.  being african american myself i know of this magazine and it's readers, so no suprises here that all the people in the article are black....on the flip side, i don't get bent out of shape when other articles i read hear seem to be geared toward other than my race.  i take any suggestions of "best of/worst of..." with a grain of salt.  it's all common sense.  will you read these articles for interest or you look to it for true guidance (?)
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Perry Robinson
Jun 12, 2012 9:18PM
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Good suggestions, however, the movies were involved in our first date and we are celebrating 15 years of marriage.  At any rate, appreciate the good attempt. I believe it has alot to do with the maturity of both parties.

 

Of course, what do I have to say, I just been a marriage counselor for 10 years.

 

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Chin Gao (Chin Gao)
Jun 12, 2012 9:17PM
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This author is a moron. I just had a first date that went on for almost 6 hours. It started out as a comedy of errors; we met for lunch, and I had accidentally left my wallet home. Really! It was too far to go retrieve and being a good sport, my date offered to pay. We then went to a bar for some cocktails, (her idea). There was a movie theater right by where we were, so we ended up going to the movies! The date was fabulous! It could have gone longer, since we were in no hurry to part, but I had a previous engagement that I had to go to later on. 
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Brenda Jameson
Jun 12, 2012 9:13PM
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I agree with this article.  All the people that are asking what else you can do besides dinner and a movie have no imagination.  The best places to go on dates are outdoor things like to the amusment park or out to get ice cream and go for a walk through the park or city.  Plan a fun activity so you are both at ease and there is less first date tension like bowling, biking or rock climbing (indoors for the less adventurous.)  You can also go take a class in something like ballroom dancing, or trapeze (for the more adventurous.)  Look on the internet for ideas on what to do in your area.
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Texas.Rancher
Jun 12, 2012 9:07PM
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I presume this Article means bad ideas for Blacks ...

 

Ghetto Dates are ... buy some crack, say Yo to the Ho's and watch a drive by

 

 

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ImaLawyer
Jun 12, 2012 9:00PM
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They are all black because it is from Essence Magazine- Doh! They did not mention the typical in the hood drive by on a first date? Humm
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