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Modern Day Matchmaker: The 10 Worst First Date Ideas of All Time

I know first dates very well. Over the last year, I don’t think there is one person on the planet who has set up more people on first dates than me — through my events and matchmaking, I've arranged more than 1,000 first dates. 
Given that experience, there is one thing I know better than the electric slide, and that is that there are certain date ideas that are great and others that typically end in complete failure.
Essence // Essence
A couple holding hands Next Slide

Now let me underscore by saying, there are typically two types of first daters: 1) Casual daters simply looking for no-strings-attached companionship (or no-strings-attached something else) and 2) Commitment-minded daters. For this list, I'm strictly talking about the latter. 
The following are what I know to be the worst first date ideas of all time. I plead with you not to go on any of the following adventures with someone you're hoping to have a future with. Okay? Here goes.

Video: Making First Impressions >

©Essence
1 of 13

The Club

Previous Slide A couple snuggling Next Slide

A cool venue, good music, and an opportunity to check out his rhythm... The club sounds like the ideal spot for a first date. Not! Clubs are fraught with trouble: loud music you have to scream over and no experiential learning other than getting an inkling on how he will move between the sheets. Clubs are bad first-date ideas.

Video: Choosing a Date Location >

2 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

Anything With Friends

Previous Slide A dinner party Next Slide

I'm not against friends meeting up with your date prior and/or after a first date (as a matter of fact, this is a good strategy to keep dates on schedule and safe) -- but having friends present throughout the entire first date affords less opportunity for one-on-one communication.

Video: Before you date, investigate your mate >

3 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

A Homecoming Weekend

Previous Slide A couple camping Next Slide

A good first-date idea is one that allows both people to feel included, and it's best when you both share a new experience. Homecomings are trips back in time -- re-living strolling the yard, reconnecting with friends you haven't seen in years, and showing off that new outfit. None of this allows a date to truly participate at a level worthy of their time.

4 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

An Overnighter

Previous Slide A couple in the bedroom Next Slide

On a first date, no matter how much you "connected," the bottom line is you still don't know each other. Therefore, spending the night is unsafe and statistically the best way not to get a second date. Here are some other words to describe what I think of an overnight first date: asinine, brainless, dimwitted, doltish, dumb, foolish, half-baked, idiotic, ill-advised, imbecilic, inane, irresponsible, ludicrous, mindless, nonsensical, pointless, senseless, unintelligent, chancy, erratic, hazardous, perilous, precarious, risky, shaky, slippery, and treacherous. I think I made my opinion clear.

5 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

Movies

Previous Slide A couple at the movies Next Slide

Umm, let's see. How in the world are you going to get to know someone by sitting next to him, without talking, for two hours in the dark? Save this for later in the relationship.

6 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

Dinner

Previous Slide A couple toasting with wine Next Slide

This is basically a scripted interrogation. In order to truly get to know someone, you have to observe what they do. Dinner affords little opportunity for qualitative observation, and with this being the standard go-to date for most, many have their first dinner date game memorized.

7 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

At One of Your Homes

Previous Slide A couple on a couch Next Slide

Outside of this being the most unsafe idea on the planet, it also shows a complete lack of creativity. If you're ever invited to someone's house -- or if they are bold enough to invite their lazy butt to your home -- on the first date, hit block on Facebook, delete their number and don't waste any more of your time with them.

8 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

A Family Function

Previous Slide A family BBQ Next Slide

I recall when one client told me her date took her to his family reunion and everyone asked when they were getting married. (#fail) No reunions, cousin's cookouts, visits to Big Mama's house, and Lord, please, no funerals. Yes, I've heard of first dates happening here.

9 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images

A Bar

Previous Slide People at a bar Next Slide

Plug in what I wrote about dinner and add the fact that you are tossing back Moscato. Not a good look.

10 of 13 Photo: Corbis Images
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Gene 54
Jun 5, 2012 9:51AM
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ok, so what do you suggest? How about a list of 10 good places to have a first date?
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Recon20
Jun 5, 2012 9:44PM
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What the hell are you supposed to do if you cant go to the movies or a to dinner. What the hell else is there unless you live in an area full of attractions which not everyone does.  This writer obviously has no clue what they're talking about.
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Lilipad
Jun 5, 2012 10:51PM
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This article is a bunch of BS!
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Letta009
Jun 12, 2012 10:24PM
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K so where are you supposed to go then??? Lol...
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beeper7
Jun 12, 2012 10:07PM
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My first date with my now husband was a blind date through a personals ad in the newspaper. Prior to our first meeting, we had talked several times on the phone so we weren't TOTAL strangers. We agreed to meet in a bookstore at a local mall. It was easy to find each other - I told him I would have a smiley face balloon, and there was no pressure about who pays for what, etc. We just strolled around the mall, window shopping, talking about a little bit of everything. After a couple of hours, I kissed him on the cheek in the mall, and we both went our separate ways to our cars. No pressure, no awkward moments, no safety issues (from my perspective), and I think the total cost was for a couple of sodas and a pretzel! Two years later, we were married - in November, we're celebrating our 14th anniversary.


I think our second date was a trip to the zoo to take pictures. Early dates don't have to be fancy or complicated....too many people just seem to need to make them that way.

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Jeff147
Jun 5, 2012 7:38PM
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Why does she say everything is "unsafe"?  Where does she live - in a war zone?

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Danimal63
Jun 5, 2012 3:49PM
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Who wrote this crap? Sounds like somebody had a few "Bad" dates,and is trying to ruin others! I admit, a couple of these might be questionable, but a few of these, I had great dates on!
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Jbomb77
Jun 5, 2012 9:06PM
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While the writers opinions are valid, I find her suggestions to be far too restricitive. I mean the club, over-nighters, and family functions and the like I can understand. But dinner is a bad idea???
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Supp2U
Jun 6, 2012 1:19PM
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The last first date I went on was at a MAN's HOUSE who made me DINNER while we talked.  We then proceeded to decorate his Christmas tree and watch Monday Night Football.  Since I had had a few drinks, he requested that I SPEND THE NIGHT, which I did (and he was a complete gentleman). 

 

That was seven years ago. 

 

It was the greatest first date I had ever been on.  Six months later, we were engaged and we just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary.  We love each other more and more every day.  So, I beg to differ with your reasoning. 

 

 It's not where you go or what you do that matters.  It's who you are with.

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1998 Dodge Neon RT
Jun 6, 2012 6:56PM
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my first date?

1. movie

2. dinner at my house (I asked around without her knowing and found out from friends what she liked and made her dinner with a two layer cake and strawberries for dessert).

3. drinks with friends to cap the night off.

 

That was in 1992, we are still together and happily married.

 

Soooo, lets see how many of the authors rules I broke, 1. movie 2. dinner 3. One of Your Homes 4. Friends 5. Drinks (I include this because of how she bashed bars, clubs, etc.)

 

According to the author I shouldn't have got a second date.

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EDWARD GATES (anon411)
Jun 12, 2012 10:41PM
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Here are some other words to describe the author of this BS article:  asinine, brainless, dimwitted, doltish, dumb, foolish, half-baked, idiotic, ill-advised, imbecilic, inane, irresponsible, ludicrous, mindless, nonsensical, pointless, senseless, unintelligent, chancy, erratic, hazardous, perilous, precarious, risky, shaky, slippery, and treacherous.

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wontgrowup
Jun 12, 2012 8:55PM
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1st date---Dinner.

2nd date---movie

3rd date, dinner at his sisters, spent the night at her house.

Flash forward 13 years---happily married, the best of friends, and love each other more everyday.

Malarchy. The whole article literally got rid of every date scenario. Only thing that wasn't listed was to go to church on Sunday!

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stun04
Jun 12, 2012 11:27PM
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So in other words you can't do anything on a first date? Because that article kind of took everything off the list and not everyone likes coffee so sitting around a coffee house might not be fun. Can you bowl is that allowed, miniature put put?
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Tania Darby
Jun 12, 2012 9:59PM
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Thanks "Top 10 List" I was that close to going on a first date to dinner and the movies...PHEW...to know that you just saved me from a bad date. REALLY!? What kind of stupid list is this??

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Dissapointed-reader
Jun 12, 2012 9:37PM
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This article was utter nonsense. I mean there were a couple things that were quite obvious, and than there were the "unsafe" dates. Seriously, was this writer a victim of something serious? I agree that yes, you should be cautious going to someone's house. but that said, just text a couple good friends the exact location. OR trust your gut, if you get near the house and feel uneasy, than dont enter. that easy. 

 

Also, what the hell is with the "dont do this or that because you cant talk" but dinner is an "interrogation"?!!!?​ Here's something to consider, you DONT KNOW THE PERSON. so yeah, no matter what the date is, if you're talking, you could twist it in some way as an interrogation. coffee, dinner, lunch, going to a fair, at their house, BEING AROUND EACH OTHER in general!! Yeah, I'm okay with being "interrogated" if that means we actually learn about each other and want to continue further. 

 

Bottom line, be creative if possible, but Do what you want as a first date, in which you both enjoy the time spent together and have the ability to easily speak. There are obvious things we all know you shouldn't do, and if you don't know them, GOOGLE IT, because this article wont help.

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mtngem98
Jun 12, 2012 10:24PM
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I'll bet the entire editorial staff here is still single and looking. Good luck finding anybody under these rules.
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Human Bing
Jun 12, 2012 8:56PM
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Is this person married?  My first date with my hubby WAS the bar as we were there with friends and we had a blast.  The second date was dinner, we had similar food tastes and that lead to more dinner dates.  The most memorable date was when we cooked together at his house and again, had a ball!  Between these dates were movies, again, the bar and a few clubs.  Entirely a negative view and a scolding one at that.  Where SHOULD one go?  Maybe some cautious guidelines are here, but all in all it cautions one not to take a chance on love.  I don't know why I even bothered reading it as I'm going on my 15th year of an AWESOME marriage which began by breaking all these rules.
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Carol Carr
Jun 5, 2012 2:18PM
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Our first date was out to dinner, but the restaurant was an hour away because I needed to pick up some music.  So we had time to talk on the way there and back, as well as over dinner.

 

For our second date, we went canoeing.  It's always a fun time, and you learn very quickly how well he will listen to your instructions.;)  Most activities can be reasonable first dates: hiking, canoeing, fishing, going to a museum, going to the zoo, etc.

 

We met at the county fair, which is also a good place for a first date.  You can see which exhibits and events interest each other.

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jeffcour70
Jun 12, 2012 8:39PM
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My first date? I took my future wife to Hagen Dasz for ice cream on Pearl Street in Boulder, then after strolling the outdoor mall we spent the evening at my cousin's house watching a DVD of Peter Gabriel's "Secret World Live" concert with them. We've now been happily married for 19 years and have three beautiful kids.  This list is nothing but one person's opinion, and most of it is bunk. IF IT WORKS FOR YOU, DO IT!
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mitchy - L
Jun 12, 2012 8:39PM
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I agree with the responses below and ultimately sit here wondering what the hell to-do! ............really not too sure now - yikes, this article sucked
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jcm1974
Jun 12, 2012 10:30PM
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So, pretty much everyone of my first dates were bad ideas according to this genious. Well, one of them is how I first dated my wonderful partner! Twelve years and counting. We didn't bode to badly!

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Mariposita82
Jun 13, 2012 1:17AM
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You all are idiots.. Notice that the article is from ESSENCE, a magazine that caters to the African American audience. That is most likely why the pictures featured Black people. Why does everything have to be so racial? Just read the article!
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ashleyaddams
Jun 5, 2012 9:01PM
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The man I have been with since 2004 and the father of my 2nd child we met at my work (I rent storage spaces) he was helping a co-worker (female) move. I thought to myself what a nice guy helping out a fellow worker move, he asked me if we could go out to dinner but it was Halloween and I had worked all day and so had he and I was tired but interested so I asked if he liked steak and beer and I had him over to my house for dinner, I see nothing wrong with that we didn't even kiss but date #2 all that was out the window and we became an item quick and to this day he still remembers that steak dinner and beer.
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torxbit
Jun 12, 2012 10:40PM
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People still go out on dates? I thought the only place you could find your match was on internet dating sites.

 

/sarcasm

 

"Good luck" is all I can say to the men out there, cause if women out there take this article to heart, looks like you have no options:D

 

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Perry Robinson
Jun 12, 2012 9:18PM
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Good suggestions, however, the movies were involved in our first date and we are celebrating 15 years of marriage.  At any rate, appreciate the good attempt. I believe it has alot to do with the maturity of both parties.

 

Of course, what do I have to say, I just been a marriage counselor for 10 years.

 

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MIBL50
Jun 12, 2012 11:10PM
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Here's an honest question though, does it make a difference if the couple is black? Is the writer suggesting that, since the article came from Essence? She could be a black woman trying to send a message to black men. As a white man, I took my wife to dinner on our my first date and worked just fine.
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jg989
Jun 13, 2012 2:36AM
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I didn't even realize everyone in the article was "black" until I scrolled back up and seriously, who cares.

Sad thats the first thing some people notice. Disgusting,actually.​

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Windstalker
Jun 12, 2012 10:46PM
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So where are the worst places to go on the first date if you're Hispanic, Asian, or White?
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BO-ISAFOOL
Jun 12, 2012 10:22PM
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Be Real - Be direct - if S-x Is What You Want - Say So...........

 

If It's A relationship you Want and to Take your time - Say So !

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bklynjm
Jun 12, 2012 10:11PM
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This article was written by a 12 year old girl or a 40 year old virgin. Each a woman no doubt.
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