Modern Day Matchmaker: 12 Signs You're Not Ready for Marriage

It seems that nowadays we hear more about celebrities getting divorced and calling off engagements than we do about them saying, "I do." The truth is, marriage just isn't for everyone. Sometimes the time just isn't right; other times, it could be the person you've chosen. For many, this is difficult to accept. However, when we don’t acknowledge the truth and blindly enter matrimony, the effects can come back to bite all of us (in some cases a broken marriage = broken children or a broken community). I’m convinced that a significant reason for the looming divorce rate (of approximately 48%) is due to one simple reason; many of us marry when we’re just not ready. The best way to deal with a broken marriage is to preempt it because once a marriage is broken it is very difficult to restore. Since prevention is better than a cure, it's important that we recognize how to identify whether or not we’re ready for marriage in the first place. The following are 12 signs that a person is not ready for marriage.

You're More Concerned With the Wedding than the Marriage

Often, more time is spent preparing and agonizing over the wedding details than actually considering the marriage. If you know more about the flowers at your upcoming wedding than you do about your partner's debt situation, marriage ain't for you.

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The Trust Isn't There Yet

Trust is critical. However, I find that some people don't believe it's possible to "fully" trust anyone, let alone a future spouse. If this is your challenge, you're setting yourself up for a tumultuous relationship. Trust is belief in one's integrity. No relationship can survive without trust.

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You Can't See Yourself Parenting Their Child

When you enter a relationship with a single parent, you enter a relationship with their children, as well. I've heard countless stories of people saying "I love the person but just don't love his/her kids." This unfortunately is an unworkable situation. Children are not accessories to be included or not, they are a permanent part of the equation.

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You Haven't Been Dating for Long

This is one category where statistics speak volumes. Most studies show a clear distinction in the divorce rate based on the number of years a couple dates. If you date and get married in less than two years, divorce rates are measurably higher than dating and marrying with more time under our belt. An interesting twist to these studies is dating too long before getting married has negative consequences, as well (anything over five years has high divorce rates).

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Your Vitals Aren't Strong

If you're headed to the altar without your relationship vitals in place, I call this settling. Relationship vitals are your values, personality type, and non-negotiables. These are all categories you should know and never amend for anyone. Your vitals are so important because the key pillars to a successful relationship are communication and conflict resolution. Met relationship vitals give you the optimal chance to exchange ideas and work through problems, when they arise.

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You're Not Ready for Compromise

The pastor that counseled my wife and me before we got married told us something we'll never forget - "You can't have a successful relationship (romantic or platonic) unless you have a willingness to compromise." When times get tough, there is one of two ways we react. Either we become selfish and focus on self or we become selfless and focus on our loved ones. If you (or they) are the former, marriage is not the right move.

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You're Being Pressured

Are you getting married because of threats or ultimatums? If this is the case, you shouldn't be getting married. Marriage should be entered by the free will of two people who love and respect one another. If you're being pressured to get married, it's time to reevaluate the basis of the relationship.

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You Don't Speak Their Love Language

I've often said Dr. Gary Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages" is the bible of relationships. In it, he paints a very compelling argument that an inability to speak or receive the love language of your partner is a recipe for disaster. Not giving love in a language they understand or receiving love in your language means you and your partner may never truly feel love.

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You're Not Sexually Attracted to Each Other

Plain and simple, he can be the most wonderful guy in the world, have the potential to set the record for best husband and father on the planet, but if you're not sexually attracted to him, your relationship will go south quickly.

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You're Battling Addiction or Mental Health Issues

Pathology is something that does not get enough attention when we talk about relationships. Nearly 20 million people in the U.S. suffer from negative pathology. This means one in 25 people will have the disorders associated with 'no conscience' which include antisocial personality disorder, sociopath, and psychopath. Bottom line is that a healthy mind is a prerequisite to a healthy relationship.

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