How to get busy when you're busy
"It sounds unsexy, but scheduling sex will at least make sure it winds up on your calendar," says Dr. Lissa Rankin of Owning Pink. How can you make scheduled nookie sessions seem slightly more spontaneous? "Figure out unusual times, like meeting at home in the middle of the day when kids are in day care or school," Kate Feldman, MSW, LCSW, and her husband Joel Feldman, PCC, the founders of The Conscious Relationships Institute recommend. Even if it feels planned, a quickie in the shower before work is a great start to anyone's day.
Video: Biggest couple turn-ons
Remember that babysitters exist
You don't need to spend 24/7 with your children, and who says you have to be the ones to go out for date night? Hire a babysitter (or ask your parents, in-laws, or friends) to take the kids to the movies so you don't have to lock the door for once.
Set bedroom boundaries
We know you've had the "stranger danger" and "appropriate touching" talks with your children, but have you set boundaries with them when it comes to your personal space? "Bedroom boundaries are critical for a number of reasons," the Feldmans say. "You want your children to understand that 'adults only' time is healthy and natural. Also, it is not appropriate for kids to be 'in on' your sex life."
Don't shroud sex in secrecy
It's okay to acknowledge what you're doing--there's just no need to go into specifics. "I also think it's okay for kids, especially as they get a bit older, to know that Mommy and Daddy have sex, and that it's healthy for parents who love each other to express themselves in this way. There's no reason to shroud intimacy in shame or secrets," Dr. Rankin says.
Turn your bedroom into a boudoir
Boost the romantic ambiance in your bedroom with three simple swaps. "Upgrading the sheets is a must. Add dimmer [switches] to all of the lights---;everything is sexy in low lighting. Candles instantly make a room sexier. Don't use battery-operated ones, though, this is the one place where real trumps fake," says Blanche Garcia, Interior Designer for Travel Channel's Hotel Impossible and owner of B. garcia designs.
Add innocuous décor touches
Parents of small children know that it's hard to keep curious tots out of their rooms. Still, there are ways to sex up your bedroom without scarring kids for life with a "red room of pain" à la 50 Shades of Grey. "Think of small changes like a floor-length mirror tucked in the corner or a furry rug in front of the fireplace for when you want to change it up. I also love nude chalk drawings—tasteful of course," Garcia recommends. The best part about that last one is how easily they can be erased from prying little eyes.
Get intimate without getting into it
There are ways to express intimacy and be intimate with your spouse without actually having sex. ""We often think of intimacy as 'INTO ME, YOU SEE'" Dr. Rankin says. "It has to do with self-disclosure, opening the heart, and making meaningful contact." Some suggestions from the Feldmans: "Write love letters, snuggle, or lie on the bed together and masturbate. We tend to tinge masturbation with shame or embarrassment, but it's often a quick, less energy-expending way to release sexual tension, and when you give each other permission to do it together, it can build more intimacy and be more fun."
Deal with 'dry spells'
Don't start to fret if you haven't had sex in awhile. "Worry and pressure are just libido sappers, so don't let them rear their ugly head," Dr. Rankin advises. If you can't help but think about it, follow these tips from Joel and Kate Feldman: "The best solution is talk with your partner about it. Open up with what you 'imagine' is happening and any fears you have. It's best to take ownership for whatever you can and not blame your partner. Let them know your hopes as well as your fears. Ask if there's anything you can do to help. Caring behaviors and empathy are always the best antidotes."
Look for everyday turn-ons
You and your spouse do things every day that may not excite you now, but try viewing your cohabitation from your teenage self's point of view. Think of all the times you strip down in front of your husband without thinking twice about it—the high school him would probably have died and gone to heaven. Don't overlook the turn-ons in your everyday routine.
Thanks to adulterous government officials and curious teenagers, sexting has gotten a bad rap. There's nothing wrong with sending your spouse sexy texts or emails—expressing yourselves with titillating messages keeps the spark alive even when the two of you are apart. "It also reminds you that you're not just business partners in the business of raising children---you're lovers with an intimate connection who share something personal," Dr. Rankin says. Just remember to password protect your phone and email before you let those seductive missives fly.