Furthermore, a 2007 study of heterosexual couples found that the more men viewed sexually explicit materials, the lower overall sexual satisfaction they and their partners experienced. James,* 32, sheds some light on that discovery. "I'm like most guys," he says. "Dad's Playboys at 13; VHS tapes in my twenties; Internet exploration a few times a week in my thirties. Nothing crazy or obsessive."

Yet, he admits: "I've gotten some mixed-up ideas from porn. I love my girlfriend, but I can't seem to turn on the lovemaking chip when I'm with her ... during sex, I find myself trying to get the view I'd get watching movies. But it's not the same, and her body is not the same, so it doesn't always keep me up, and I start fantasizing. I want to learn how to turn off the porn-style thinking when I'm with her. This person loves me, we're partners in life, we have a bond and I want to feel that during sex."

More than ever, people who find their relationships suffering from porn-related issues are turning to therapists for help. "About 15 to 20 percent of the couples I've worked with have struggled with this, and the numbers are increasing," says Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., a Los Angeles-based psychologist. Perhaps shockingly, even the worst porn addictions don't have to destroy a relationship. Some partnerships, Thomas and other experts agree, can be saved.

Is He Addicted?

Throughout her marriage, Karen, 29, knew that her then husband's obsession with XXX sites was unhealthy. "It wasn't that I had problems with him looking at it," says Karen. "In fact, I even offered to watch together, but he saw it as something shameful. He couldn't go without, so he shut me out completely. The intimacy is what I missed most." The issue contributed to their divorce. In her new relationship, on the other hand, porn is a guilt-free sexual additive. "We even take turns picking it out," says Karen. "It's fun because we're both OK with it."

As Karen learned, the best way to gauge your comfort level — with your partner's habits, your own and what you do as a couple — is to listen to your gut. Anne, 32, used to be "pro-whatever turns him on," but feels very different now. "I've been through three breakups over this," she says. "I mean, I'm open-minded, but not that open-minded. I believe there's a difference between knowing that your guy occasionally looks at naked pictures and feeling as if it's those images he's making love to every single time."

In her most recent porn-crossed relationship, the sex was great, at first. "But then I started to notice he never looked at me while we were doing it," says Anne. "And before long he was asking me to watch movies with him and act out exactly what was happening on the screen. Without coming right out and saying it, I felt as if he was implying that I wasn't sexy enough. I started dieting and dressing differently. But then I thought, Why can't I be my own person?"

When she finally faced him with that question, Anne's boyfriend balked, calling her close-minded and controlling; he, on the other hand, was just being a "regular guy." Anne broke up with him shortly after that nonconversation. Experts agree that her ex's behavior went beyond the bounds of regular guys in healthy relationships. In addition, says Dr. Thomas, "When I see women trying to prove their sexiness by acting or looking like a porn star, I'm concerned. It indicates she could be scared of losing him."