14 of Your Trickiest Sex and Love Questions Answered
1. Is it OK to have a "friend with benefits?"
Should you sleep with your ex? Wear Spanx on a date? Go out with a guy who's five (or, uh, 10) years younger than you? We asked experts, authors and readers to duke it out and solve all of these dilemmas and more.
59% of glamour.com readers say YES.
2. Is it OK to friend your exes on Facebook?
72% of glamour.com readers say YES.
YES: "I'm Facebook friends with six of my exes. Honestly, it would have been weirder to unfriend them after having once been so close, especially when things ended amicably. You just have to check yourself periodically for stalker-like behavior. My rule: If I'd be embarrassed if the ex saw how much I was on his page, then I need to cool it. And maybe hide his updates for a while." —Elizabeth, 31, New York City
NO: "Facebook almost ruined my marriage. My ex is one of those constant status updaters. I became obsessed with his whereabouts. He would talk about doing all these fun things, and I'd look at my relationship and think, We don't do that. I actually began to resent my husband. Eventually the ex and I met up, and that's when things got really bad. Bad, as in, we slept together. My husband found out, and we wound up separating. Now we're working things out. But man, nothing good comes from friending your ex." —Anonymous, 33
4. Spanx — should you wear them on a date?
YES: "You'd wear a push-up bra, right? Sure, Spanx can be awkward if you're hooking up — go take 'em off in the bathroom — but men get it. One time I admitted I had mine on, and the guy laughed it off as a girl thing." —Amy, 33, Grand Haven, Mich.
NO: "I saw my girlfriend's roommate in Spanx getting ready for a date … how would a guy get that off? I guess it's meant to curb women's insecurities, but don't they know the real deal is always hotter?" —Jeff, 31, Knoxville, Tenn.
5. Should you take your husband's last name?
(As debated by glamour.com commenters)
YES: "You're joining together as family; different last names only separate you." —main1006
"Your maiden name is your father's name. That defeats the whole sexism argument." —ebyt
NO: "[I don't want] to be known as someone else. My husband fell in love with that girl, that girl graduated and passed the bar, that girl should get to keep her name!" —seeniname
6. Is it ever OK to sleep with your ex?
78% of glamour.com readers say NO.
YES: "As long as you go into it with a clear mind-set — knowing it's complicated, knowing you have issues and knowing the relationship can't go forward — I say yes! Do it! All of the pressure is off, and you can just enjoy each other as friends and lovers without the intensity and the fights. Whenever I go back to my ex-husband, Travis, I have a sense of comfort and stability. We're exes, but there's still that substance there, that history." —Shanna Moakler, reality TV star and on-again, off-again ex-wife of Blink-182's Travis Barker
NO: "I had a lot of trouble getting over my last boyfriend, and the best advice I got was to stop sleeping with him. It's kind of a 'duh' statement, but it's so easy to think, 'What's the harm? It's not adding to my "number."' But for women, sex is really bonding, so sleeping with a guy makes it impossible to get over him. Why torture yourself?" —Kristin, 26, Park City, Utah
7. Should you use the restroom with the door open when he's home?
68% of glamour.com readers say NO.
(We listen in on an actual debate between two guys, Amir Blumenfeld and Jake Hurwitz of college humor.com.)
Jake: Obviously not on the first date, but after a couple months, why not? It's nothing we haven't seen before.
Amir: I do it all the time at Jake's apartment.
Jake: Right, I wish you wouldn't. And they're talking about significant others, not coworkers.
Amir: Oh, in that case, I'm gonna say nay. It's not like it's hard to shut the door. There's such a thing as being too comfortable. Keep some things private, or you'll become like roommates, which is the relationship kiss of death. That's why I don't pass gas in front of my girl.
Jake: You've never had a girlfriend.
Amir: Not yet.
8. Sounds nuts, but when you hit a certain age, should you … settle?
89% of glamour.com readers say NO.
YES: "It's not about settling as much as it is about not reaching for something unattainable. Women want to be dazzled with Prince Charming-romantic gestures, but think about what's going to matter in 20 years. Compatibility. When you're in your twenties, you're meeting all these guys, and they're 8s. But you say, 'Oh, he could be taller,' or 'He plays video games too much,' so you break up with him because you want a 10. You become entitled and picky — despite the fact that you're not a 10, by the way. When I say you should settle, I mean go for those 8s. Eights are a catch! Believe me, when you're 40 and single, you will be dying to have those 8s, but they'll all be married. And then you will have to settle — for a 5." —Lori Gottlieb, author of the upcoming book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
NO: "Marrying someone you aren't crazy about only to secure the financial and domestic conveniences of wedlock is as stale and trite as day-old Doritos. Settling represents a failure of both imagination and confidence. It marks an essential disregard for others and for ourselves: for the capacity to love, to give, to inspire. It's difficult enough to make a marriage last. If we cannot so much as drum up enthusiasm in the beginning — if we lack even the memory of a full-blooded passion to sustain us through times of trial — then we are frail indeed. By settling, we exploit others, and we impoverish ourselves." —Cristina Nehring, author of A Vindication of Love: Reclaiming Romance for the Twenty-First Century
9. In a busy relationship, should you schedule sex?
60% of glamour.com readers say YES.
YES: "It's easy to let your physical relationship lag. So being aware of that is a good thing. But you don't want sex to become something you put in your daily planner next to your dentist appointment. It's more about scheduling intimacy, time for you two to be alone and do whatever it is you need to do. Write 'date night' in your calendar, and trust me, typically, the sex will follow." —Logan Levkoff, Ph.D., New York City-based sexuality educator and author of Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be
NO: "Scheduling a specific time for when you're supposed to have sex is silly! I think it takes the spontaneity out of the relationship, and you're going to get bored with each other. And what if you're not both in the mood at the exact time you've put aside? If you're with someone who is always so busy on his BlackBerry that he never makes time for you — or sex — I say, just throw the BlackBerry out the window!" —Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's ex, and reality TV playmate (from E!'s The Girls Next Door)