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14 dating mistakes to avoid

Want to score a date and then a second and a third? Well, here's what NOT to do.
Essence // Essence

You wear too much makeup

Woman putting on makeup Next Slide

Doing so implies to a man that you may lack self-confidence. Looking good isn't all about trying to achieve perfection. It isn't about caking your face with so much makeup that you look like someone else. No man wants to wake up in the morning to find your makeup all over the sheets. Think: More confidence, less makeup.

More love and relationships content at The Liberating Side of Being Together.

©Essence
1 of 17 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

You check your phone constantly

Previous Slide Woman on cell phone Next Slide

This is disrespectful to the man you're on a date with. When your man is around, try to keep your smart phone addiction hidden. It makes you seem obsessive-compulsive when you're always peeking down at your phone or you leave it out on the table. It's annoying, and it makes him feel less important. Just throw it in your bag and enjoy yourself.

2 of 17 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

You talk nonstop about work

Previous Slide Woman on laptop in yellow shirt Next Slide

There are more interesting things in life to discuss than how much it sucks to fill out reports every day. If all you can talk about is your job, that means you lead a very boring life and you won't be much fun to hang around with.

3 of 17 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

You don't support guy time

Previous Slide Men watching TV together Next Slide

Doing this will instantly make you appear insecure and controlling. Whoa there, missy. You're messing with one of the sacred man rituals now. It's a necessity, not an option. Instead of ranting and raving about our guys' night, put that energy to positive use and go out with your girls.

4 of 17 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

You drink a lot of champagne

Previous Slide Woman opening a bottle of champagne Next Slide

This could mean you're too materialistic; too focused on status. The last thing men want is to be involved in a relationship where money and status is more important than anything else. What if we can't make a buck? What if we don't have the biggest house in our neighborhood? Will you want the guy in the huge house with a pool down the street? Your choice of beverage is painting this picture of our future life together.

5 of 17 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

You're clumsy or awkward

Previous Slide Woman on headphones Next Slide

This says that our sexual compatibility is in question. When we're up, you're down. We try to connect because we're attracted to each other, but something just seems off. If we're not connecting on the dance floor, how are we going to connect in the bedroom? To increase flexibility and become more in touch with your body consider a dance or yoga class.

6 of 17 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

You want another tattoo

Previous Slide Woman blowing a kiss Next Slide

This could tell him you're not done living your youth. Like it or not, your tattoo says more than you intended. He'll wonder if it was just a one-time things or if your wild side could return just as he's starting to like you?

7 of 17 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

You're all about you (and your pet!)

Previous Slide Woman taking a photo with dog Next Slide

If you're guilty of this, it may tell a guy who wants to get serious that your timetable for having kids is at odds with his. This may seem innocent, but it can be overkill. How are we supposed to compete with that playful, furry, and loyal friend who probably came before us? We're not sure we're ready to take on the responsibility for this pet, especially because we know what's on your mind next -- a baby.

8 of 17 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

You don't eat leftovers

Previous Slide Pasta in pan Next Slide

This means you could be financially irresponsible. The truth is, your staunch refusal to eat leftovers goes far beyond being a little weird. Let's put it this way... you're throwing out food. So if you're throwing out a necessary component for survival -- where else are you choosing an "ideal" over a "this will do"?

9 of 17 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

Your party photos are all over the web

Previous Slide Woman partying Next Slide

If he sees your photos all over nightclub and party sites, he'll think you're a party girl and will be unable to settle down. It's cool that you go to clubs. But there's a difference between just going to clubs and being a club regular. It's a recipe for disaster if you're trying to hold down a relationship.

10 of 17 Photo: Courtesy of Essence
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RSAND
Feb 2, 2012 3:24PM
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I'm pretty much on board with all of these. But the biggest one in my book is the Woman who Complains. There isn't anything more buzz-killing in my book than a woman who rides the negative and complains.  And it could be in virtually any situation and not necessarily have anything to do with me!
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Feb 22, 2012 11:38PM
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I think the "Wanting another tattoo" is a rather silly point.  I think we've progressed to times when a "tattoo" isn't a scarlet letter for the wild child who can't settle down.  As for the "perception" point, well isn't the whole point of dating to get to know the real person so you don't have to rely on perceptions to make a judgment?
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BillsS
Jun 12, 2013 2:51PM
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A lot of truth in these tips. I am 60 and I have been in all kinds of situations in my life, from two long-term, live-with ladies with the whole package: kids, jobs, neighbors, relatives, bad times, good times, personal changes and growth AND invbetween stuff: falling in love and getting dumped, having someone love me and dumping her, flings, one night stands, a lot of inbetween, no dating, no intimacy, just myself years. SO, when I date, here are turn offs: 1. Being with a lady who always seems interested in talking to or sitting with or being around other people beside me. If that's the case, be by yourself of with them and quit wasting my time, 2. A women who talks about how lousy men are. Here's the deal: I do not blame you for the "lousy" women in my life so don't blame me for the "lousy" men in your life. I don't want to hear it. We all have history and we will get to know it as time goes on, but don't start on that right away because it's a turn off, 3. The pet thing: I agree. If a women is always talking about her pet or has to have her pet with her or has to run home to be with her pet, I kind of feel I will never compete. I have lived with pets and I have loved them BUT I don't want to be second fiddle or have to compete with them for attention, 4. A women who is always talking about her past, and this guy, and that guy, and her friends in high school, and when she moved from here to there tells me what is going on right now, like me, is not too interesting or important. I do agree, we all have history and baggage and good  and bad and it will come out in time because it's the only way to know each other well, but if that's what you pull out most of the time, I just drift off and think about what I will be doing later in the week when I'm not with you. 5. The cell  phone thing: if you are always looking at that or checking that, I must bore you or you have far more important things going on in your life so I would rather move on, 6 Being late, cancelling too many times, tells me your either disorganized, a procrastinator, or could care less. Things happen, plans change, but if I am interested in you, I will make a good effor to keep the date and be on time. AFTER  a lot of alone years, with a fling or two, I have met someone who, when we go to dances, actually sits with me and is cordial to all the people I know, says yes to suggestions for doing things or offers up a good alternative, talks about the plans we have for the coming weekend along with her past and history, a nice mix of yesterday and today, tells me about her past relationships with a degree of honesty but never with maliciious or hateful feelings, and overall, makes me feel like she really wants to be with me. We give each other space because we both have busy lives. I told her I liked her a lot and she keeps coming back. What will this bring, Don't know. But it's good and it could get better. The best part is we are both living for today and although she has a college age son and a job and a cat and history and baggage and I have no kids but have lived with kids, and a elderly Mom to take care of, and a job, and friends, we make time and room for each other. A good relationship is a two way street, and a key indgredient is making the person who like and want feel wanted and important.
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