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10 Signs Your Sex Life Needs a Makeover

Have you been feeling a little, well, unfulfilled lately? Has the temperature in your bedroom gone from blazing-hot to arctic-cold? Can you even remember the last time you and your lover reveled in the aftermath of a great, mind-altering romp? If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, it could mean your sex life needs a boost. And if your sex drive is suffering, your relationship may suffer, too. But you can’t solve the problem unless you’re actually sure you’re having one. So, first things first: You need to determine whether your limited libido is just a rough patch, or the sign of a serious, permanent problem. Here are 10 red flags to help you figure it out.
Essence // Essence

You'd Rather Just Go to Bed

A man and woman sleeping in white sheets Next Slide

Granted, getting some good shut-eye is mighty important to your daily health, but choosing sleep over sex time after time is anything but a good sign.

©Essence
1 of 12 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

You Suspect He's Faking It

Previous Slide A woman in a pink t-shirt sitting on the edge of the bed Next Slide

Pick your jaw up, ladies. This can happen. If he only seems to be in the mood when you accuse him of not, there's a strong chance he's faking the attraction to spare your feelings. Sit him down and explain to him that you're looking for genuine emotions from him, then ask what you two can do together to work on enhancing the mood.

2 of 12 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

Bedtime Has Gotten Boring

Previous Slide A man and woman lounging on the bed Next Slide

Most couples have been there before, at least once. You know the scenario: You're in the heat of the moment and just when things are really getting hot and heavy, someone pauses to bring up something random and way off-topic, like a late bill, or an overdue RSVP. The first time it happens, it's funny, but if this continues, you must ask yourselves one very important question: Why are we suddenly so distracted?

3 of 12 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

Your Sexiness Goes Unnoticed

Previous Slide A woman straddling a man while taking her bra off Next Slide

That sexy little number you bought for him during your last visit to the lingerie boutique is red-hot, yet the first time he saw you in it, it didn't even raise his temperature. Sound familiar? Ask him what's on his mind. If there's something more pressing than you looking irresistible in next to nothing, you need to know about it.

4 of 12 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

You're Off Schedule

Previous Slide A woman looking bored Next Slide

If the romps you used to have nightly are happening so seldom that you can't even remember the last time you had sex, it's time to address the matter. Most couples have a sex schedule, and if yours is suddenly wide-open there's certainly room for change.

5 of 12 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

There's No Time to Cuddle

Previous Slide A man and woman cuddling Next Slide

Occasional quickies aside, neither of you should want to rush sex. Putting intimacy on a timer is a recipe for disaster. If you find yourselves frequently saying things like "Only if we hurry," or "Can you hurry it up, please?", something's definitely got to give.

6 of 12 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

He's Just Not Feeling It

Previous Slide A man and woman in their bed Next Slide

If your sex drive is in full gear and each night he passes on your advances, something is wrong. Barring a rough day, there should be no real reason he repeatedly passes on lovemaking.

7 of 12 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

The Kids Are Coming to Bed

Previous Slide A young mom and dad with their baby Next Slide

If lately, every time the little ones peek in asking, "Can we sleep with you tonight?" he's the first to respond, "Sure, hop in," your sex life could be headed to the danger zone. It happens, sure, but if you're sharing your bed more than usual, you should both be equally annoyed.

8 of 12 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

Date Nights Fall Short

Previous Slide A man and woman talking in bed Next Slide

The scented candles are lit, the bubble bath is waiting, and the smooth sounds of R&B can be heard blaring through your stereo. There's just one thing missing: you two. The mood is set, but you're both just not feeling the love. Feeling anything but romantic in a setting that sensual means it's time to look within to find out what's causing your dry spell.

9 of 12 Photo: Courtesy of Essence

Porn Becomes a Problem

Previous Slide A couple cuddling Next Slide

et's face it, many men like to watch pornography from time to time. Your personal feelings about it aside, this can be normal, but what isn't is when the scenes on the screen become more appealing to him than his real-life role with you. Ask him if he'd like to bring one of his favorite scenes to life. Role playing can bring new intimacy and excitement to your love life.

10 of 12 Photo: Courtesy of Essence
Previous Slide Essence // Essence Next Slide
11 of 12 Essence
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Bellerughs
Mar 19, 2012 8:04PM
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All I gathered from this is that black people have shitty sex lives.
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