4 signs your marriage needs work
The money fights are fierce
"Most people think these arguments are just about spending and saving, but they're really about our emotional relationships with money," Cordova says. "I once worked with a couple who were both passionate collectors of tropical fish. He would buy them and sneak them into the tank even though she thought they didn't need any more. They were completely polarized--the more he spent, the more anxious and thrifty she became. They would get into huge fights about it. I worked with them on accepting their differing attitudes about money. They realized that even though it's a struggle, it doesn't have to damage their bond. My advice: Find a middle ground that leaves you both content with the solution.
You're always snapping at each other
"A lot of people think that being irritated here and there is normal in marriage. In reality, constant bickering is a warning sign that you're inadvertently stepping on each other's toes, brushing over big issues that matter to you, or losing faith in each other. This can go on for years before a couple notices that they're truly unhappy."
Or the opposite: you avoid conflict
"The most authentic couples acknowledge their issues. But often, people don't want to start a fight, so they skirt around something that bothers them. You might think it's silly to tell your husband that it drives you crazy when he leaves dirty dishes in the sink, but since that's a behavior he can change, you're doing the relationship no favors by ignoring it. You need to choose your battles, but minimizing conflict also minimizes intimacy, and you're more likely to become bitter if you allow that to happen."
Arguments don't end, they just fizzle out
"Many couples just walk away after a spat, hoping the negative feelings will settle," says Cordova. "It's important to deliberately re-approach your partner to make sure there's no lasting damage. All you have to do is acknowledge, 'Okay, we disagree about this, but we're fine. I still love you.'"