Guys: 5 reasons online dating isn’t working
Thinking your bathroom is a good photo backdrop
-- By Gina Cohen
So, you’re setting up your dating profile and you need a few good photos of yourself. Hey! You’re lookin’ pretty fine today -- why not just snap a quick pic of yourself in the bathroom mirror? Let us count the reasons why you should definitely not.
- If you don’t have a single decent photo that someone else has taken of you, it makes us wonder what about you repels people.
- If you’re shirtless for any reason, we're rolling our eyes.
- If we can see the toilet plunger in the background, we visualize you experiencing violent bouts of stomach upset.
The best bet is a photo of your smiling face -- without sunglasses (or we’ll think you have pervasive pink eye).
Being srlsy la-z
We get it -- you’ve sent out a million bazillion emails and rarely get a response, so why should you bother to make your first one stand out? Because other guys are, and they’re getting dates.
A few hints to a good response-generating email.
- Actually read her profile before hitting “send.” Learn something about her besides the fact that she looks great in a tank top.
- On the other hand, we don’t need a novel about who you are. That’s what your profile is for.
- If your email’s too short, we don’t see the point in responding, so say something other than, “Hi. How’s it going?” Which, sadly, is still better than, “Hi howz it?”
- If your email is full of grammatical errors/misspellings, you seem uneducated, even if you aren’t. Spelling matters to smart chicks. If you're unsure about a word, look it up, or bookmark pages like this and use them often.
The best first emails do three things: compliment her, mention something specific you liked about her profile, and ask a question.
‘Deal-breaking’ your way out of happiness
It happens to the best of us: We’re involved in a great relationship, it goes sour, we break up and then immediately head to an online dating site to find a replacement. But in our haste to find someone new, we sometimes project the “bad” from our ex onto our potential new matches. For instance, if you love food and discovering new restaurants, but your ex was super-annoying because she was vegan and hated eating out, you might say, “I don’t want to be with a vegan.” However, there may an incredible woman who loves dining out and can introduce you to great restaurants you hadn’t known about before -- who happens to be vegan.
Just because you had one (or two, or three) bad experiences with a certain “trait” in a woman, it doesn’t necessarily mean every other woman with a similarity is a bad choice for you.
If you’ve set your filter to find only women between the ages of 25 and 35, for instance, you may be missing out on an amazingly smart, funny, gorgeous 36-year old. Listen, maybe there are certain things you simply cannot handle -- like someone who does drugs -- but consider re-thinking your lists of “must-haves” and “deal breakers.” You could be unknowingly filtering out The One.
So, your photos look good and your emails struck the right chord, and now you’re on your way to the first date, or “meet and greet.” We’re just gonna come out and say it: Guys, pay for the date. Choose an activity that doesn’t cost much so you’re not overspending.
Suggest a walk around a local park or a coffee date. Yes, women these days are very independent and most of us make a living of our own, but a small act of chivalry speaks volumes.
If your date absolutely insists on paying for herself, fine. But otherwise, disregard whatever you’ve read about going Dutch and just Pay. For. The. Date. It’s a sweet gesture.
Failing at follow-through
Had an awesome time on your first date? You may be tempted to send her 18 texts before she’s even left the parking lot. Show a little more restraint than that, but don’t play the “wait three days before texting” game, either. That just makes us think you’re not that interested.
Tell her at the end of the date that you had a great time and that you look forward to seeing her again. And then, maybe the next day, give her a call and set up the next date. Hearing your voice is so much nicer than getting a text that says “luv to see u again sumtym.”
Give some thought to a second date that would make this particular woman smile (don’t just take her to the place you take all your second dates – customize the experience to something this woman will like), and you can thank us later if the two of you end up happily ever after. Ur vry welcome.
More: Ladies, 5 reasons online dating isn't working for you
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