The best thing about being in my 40s: You become instantly wiser and funnier and sexier. That's what I'd say at my shows to younger women in the crowd after I turned 40.

I like the balance in my life now. Balance comes when you're with the person you're supposed to be with and doing what you're supposed to be doing. I wouldn't say I should have been more balanced in my 20s or 30s; it's because of my early dedication to career that I now have the luxury of focusing on making every soccer game and being a bonus mom. Jada Pinkett Smith gave me that term. We were at an event together and she heard me say that I hate the word "stepmother" because it conjures up Cinderella and all these bad things. She came up to me and said, "Bonus mom. That's what you are." I love that. I also sometimes say that I'm the stunt mom.

The best thing about being a "bonus mom": That the bonus children are great. These girls are smart and funny, and they've been really sweet to me. Garth and Sandy [his ex-wife and the girls' mom] have made it easy for me to become a part of the family. Garth gave me good advice: He said just be who you are, and you'll earn it day by day with the girls. And I believe that I have.

What I'd tell my younger self: I spent a lot of time, especially in my 20s, stressing about my weight. I'm not huge; I'm in an industry where people are tiny, and I'm kind of more representative of real people. But I would love to go back and say to my younger self, "You waste so much time worrying about things that don't matter. Nobody ever said you're not going to get a record deal or a Grammy if you don't lose 20 pounds." I got to do everything that I've ever wanted to do and beyond. So it wasn't about that for anybody else except for me.

How I stay in shape now: I do Pilates five days a week. It's really changed my life. I've weighed less, but I'm in better shape than I've ever been in. I did 125 sit-ups this morning. It doesn't get any easier. But I feel strong. And I've got ankles for the first time ever!

My favorite way to start the day: Garth and I really had to adjust to the waking up in the morning thing. I'm kind of laid-back and quiet, easing into the day with a cup of coffee (or two or three) and a book. Garth is Mr. Energy — instantly awake. He's like a puppy: "Want to get up? Huh? Want to get up and play?" We have really compromised: He lets me have a cup of coffee, and I don't make him wait three hours before we leave the house and go do something.