The strategy that gets you a second date
Sharing personal details will help you develop a closer connection, research finds.
By Markham Heid, Men's Health
Hoping to land another date? Get personal. Sharing intimate info right off the bat helps you forge a closer connection with her, finds new research in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
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When two strangers traded sensitive details about issues they had with a close friend and their happiest childhood memories, post-conversation measures of liking, closeness, perceived similarity and enjoyment all jumped between 8 and 22 percent. That’s compared with conversations in which only one person spoke and the other listened, the research shows.
You’re probably thinking, "Well, duh! Of course you need to be more than a brick wall on the first date." But it’s a little more complex than that: You have to show her you understand what she’s saying by talking about your own similar experiences or feelings, explains study co-author Susan Sprecher, Ph.D., of Illinois State University. If your deep, dark confessions have nothing to do with hers, you’re less likely to form a bond, Sprecher says.
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Your plan: Follow her lead. Ask her how she gets along with her boss, and jump in with stories about your own mishaps with the head honcho. Try to match the tone and gravity of her disclosures, says Sprecher. If she’s telling you about arguing with her sister, launching into the story of your brother’s struggle with cancer may be a tad too dramatic. But a painfully awkward tale about an old family vacation? Just right.
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