Each week, Miss Manners answers questions exclusively from the MSN audience on all of your etiquette dilemmas. (Have an issue you want help with? Send in a question today.) Read on for this week's hot topics:
DEAR MISS MANNERS,
As a former reporter, I wrote obituaries according to a certain protocol. I have since retired from another job, but have had occasion to write several paid obits for members of my family and friends.
Recently my ex-husband died and a daughter-in-law wrote a paid obit, which included several errors and excluded any mention of me, though we were married 21 years, had two sons and have seven grandchildren. The marriage to his present wife was only for 18 years, so this looked odd. Because my ex left no instructions, this has been hard on our sons.
Was that the right way to handle it? I'll try to write my own obit, but do I need to mention him? Are the rules different now?
GENTLE READER,
The rules about advertising are pretty much the same: That within legal limits, those who pay decide the content. What you wrote as a reporter had a different standard, that of presenting a factual, inclusive mini-biography, which would include such facts as former marriages and all children.
Should you maintain that standard when composing paid obituaries for others and for yourself? Miss Manners believes that you should. You have witnessed the hurt caused to people whose importance in the life of the deceased has been obliterated.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS,
Recently a book entitled "Last Men Out" was published. It's a non fictional story about the men in my Marine unit who I served with in Vietnam. I was interviewed for the book, pictured in the book and noted in the book.
Question: Giving copy to friends and family - I autographed the book typically "To ___________ from Bill Newell.
My wife tells me this is inappropriate and has made me feel like a braggart.
Is she right, is it arrogant to do so since I am not the author - I am just one of the Marines the book is written about?
GENTLE READER,
Much as she appreciates your wife's fastidiousness, Miss Manners does not think it necessary. Authors are not the only people who sign their books.
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author ofMiss Manners' Guide toExcruciatingly Correct Behavior(Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. They have two perfect children, of course.
