Each week, Miss Manners answers questions exclusively from the MSN audience on all of your etiquette dilemmas. (Have an issue you want help with? Send in a question today.) Read on for this week's hot topics:
DEAR MISS MANNERS,
I had to visit the urgent care clinic for an acute illness. The doctor ordered a test and sent me to the testing center next door. As soon as I entered the waiting room for the test, the pain I was feeling increased to an intolerable level. I couldn't find a comfortable sitting position and can only assume that my face registered how miserable I felt.
A woman across the room struck up a conversation with me as soon as her companion was called back for his test (nearly as soon as I sat down). She asked me whether I thought a lady could be judged based on the brand name of her purse, and then went on and on about various styles of purses.
I was in so much pain that all I could concentrate on was keeping myself from being ill. I tried to nod and smile and give the clueless woman noncommittal responses.
Would it have been rude to say something like, "I'm sorry, but I'm in terrible pain right now, and I'd prefer to just be still?"
GENTLE READER,
"No, it is not rude to claim illness in a medical waiting room. Miss Manners wonders at the powers of observation of someone who thought you looked ready for a chat, but a pained expression, and the admission, "Can't talk" would have been enough. A less polite person might have hit her with her purse."
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DEAR MISS MANNERS,
I have never attended any of my class reunions, but recently I have been looking at all of the yearbooks and wondering who, what, and where are some of my closest friends from that time--both male and female.
High school was a long time ago. Those classmates bring smiles and laughs about how immature we were and the good old days.
Is it appropriate to send birthday cards to some of them? I have no idea who is married, have children or jobs. Would this or should this cause arguments or problems with the spouses? I was not a man hunter way back then, and was not sexually involved with anyone, but only they would know that.
What would you feel about your spouse getting a birthday card from a long lost former classmate??????
GENTLE READER,
"Do you not have access to a computer? (A question perhaps also deserving of six question marks).
Surely researching one's former classmates, not to mention former crushes and ex-spouses, has become the national pastime. No one should be shocked to hear from old acquaintances.
However -- a big however, in your case -- your query is loaded with innuendo. You are way too interested in jealous spouses, and the declaration that you were not a man hunter back then is embarrassing. Everyone in high school is hunting for romance.
Had you merely asked whether it was a good idea to send birthday cards to classmates with whom you had been out of touch, Miss Manners would merely have suggested that you send a "Remember me?" message instead. The birthday gesture implies that they should have remembered yours."
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author ofMiss Manners' Guide toExcruciatingly Correct Behavior(Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. They have two perfect children, of course.
