Each week, Miss Manners answers questions exclusivelyfrom the MSN audience on all of your etiquette dilemmas.(Have an issue you want help with? Send in a questiontoday.) Read on for this week's hot topics:
DEAR MISS MANNERS,
My husband and I love hosting gatherings at our house. And we are fortunate to have a house with a layout that is great for parties. The kitchen opens into the main entertainment area and has a large island.
My question concerns cleaning during gatherings. During our parties the island and sink frequently get crowded with dirty dishes. I don't feel right leaving them out in our guests' way, but I am also concerned that if I do some light clean up (just enough to keep the area reasonably tidy) that I will be unintentionally sending a signal to my guest to leave.
Is it best just to stack as many of the dishes in the sink as I can and pretend they aren't there until our guests leave? Or is it acceptable for the hostess to do some of the cleaning throughout the evening?
GENTLE READER,
"Given the choice between a clean kitchen and the company of their hostess, Miss Manners hopes that your guests would choose the latter. However visible a kitchen is, it is considered backstage, and guests who gather there should not be shocked to encounter their own used dishes."
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DEAR MISS MANNERS,
How would you react to not being invited to a close friend's wedding, due to their not-so-nice spouse???
I have grown up with the groom my whole life...and we are as near as you can get without being blood related. I have asked his fiancée if my husband and I were invited to the wedding, but she has never replied.
The groom, my friend, has no backbone when it comes to his fiancee. I am very hurt by this decision. What do I do?
GENTLE READER,
"How about sending them a wedding present?
Miss Manners is not suggesting this as a way of embarrassing them into inviting you. You tried that, with the inquiry you made to the bride, whose silence may have been understandable surprise that anyone would ask such a forward question.
The reason for sending a present would be to show your goodwill toward you friend, and your good wishes for his happiness. Miss Manners dearly hopes that you will be able to develop both. Otherwise, your friend's backbone would be properly shown in sparing his bride the hostility you expressed here."
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author ofMiss Manners' Guide toExcruciatingly Correct Behavior(Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. Theyhave two perfect children, of course.
