Each week, Miss Manners answers questions exclusively from the MSN audience on all of your etiquette dilemmas. (Have an issue you want help with? Send in a question today.) Read on for this week's hot topics:
DEAR MISS MANNERS,
My wife of 36 years decided that she no longer needed to wear make-up. I strongly agree with her. She is an attractive lady, with or without make-up.
The problem is that she is worried about "What will (fill in any name, group, organization or political party) think?"
I am trying to tell her--be you! Relax. Worry about what you will, but "To thine own self be true"-- and be you. I think it goes to old habits and lack of self confidence. How do I --or should I-- get her to believe in herself?
GENTLE READER,
As a concerned husband, you should know that it is every husband's duty to tell his wife that she is more beautiful without make-up than with it. You came close, although "attractive with or without" needs a bit of work.
But wives also know about this duty, so while they appreciate it, they don't for a moment believe it. Therefore, Miss Manners recommends bringing up the other side of the lady's premise.
You should point out, using yourself as an example, that people do not examine one another so closely as to be able to tell how much make-up, if any, a lady is wearing. As your wife's use of it was never garish (was it?), even you could hardly tell the difference, you should declare. Well, sure, you can recognize red lipstick, but even that would wear off without any dramatic difference in her appearance.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS,
What side does the silverware go? Left or right.
GENTLE READER,
Yes.
No, wait, make that left AND right. Forks on the left, and knives and spoons on the right, set for use going from the outside in. There are rare exceptions, Miss Manners acknowledges. Oyster forks go on the right, nestled inside the soup spoon. But the system is basic and practical enough to make Miss Manners suspect that those who declare that they "never know which fork to use" are merely bragging.
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author ofMiss Manners' Guide toExcruciatingly Correct Behavior(Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. They have two perfect children, of course.
