Each week, Miss Manners answers questions exclusively from the MSN audience on all of your etiquette dilemmas. (Have an issue you want help with? Send in a question today.) Read on for this week's hot topics:
DEAR MISS MANNERS,
A former subcontractor of mine has asked me to be a reference on a job application. I agreed to do so, but am applying for the same position. I have not informed the subcontractor of my application. Should I inform the subcontractor? Should I withdraw myself as a reference?
GENTLE READER,
If you did not recuse yourself, what would you write? An enthusiastic endorsement that might eclipse your own application? A tempered one that would smack of sabotaging a rival?
And if you get the job without having told the subcontractor that you were applying, might he not assume that his request inspired you to grab the job for yourself?
Courtesy alone should prompt you to tell the subcontractor that although you think highly of him, it would be a conflict of interest for you, as you had already applied for the job. But Miss Manners is always happy to bolster etiquette requirements with a glimpse into the consequences of violating them.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS,
What is the proper etiquette for seating spouses at a dinner party? Is it more proper to seat the couples next to each other or to scatter them around the table?
GENTLE READER,
The rule is that couples should always be seated separately at dinner parties, and Miss Manners is amazed at those who object, insisting that they want to sit together. Barring a spouse who needs physical help-- why?
Do they need to keep an eye on each other? Have they not finished discussing whether the living room curtains need replacing? Can they not bear to be separated, even for an hour or two?
In the last case, Miss Manners suggests that they stay home. Guests are supposed to be there to socialize with others, which gives them more to talk about on the way home.
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author ofMiss Manners' Guide toExcruciatingly Correct Behavior(Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. They have two perfect children, of course.
