Each week, Miss Manners answers questions exclusively from the MSN audience on all of your etiquette dilemmas. (Have an issue you want help with? Send in aquestiontoday.) Read on for this week's hot topics:
DEAR MISS MANNERS,
I am expecting my second child. My first child is almost 7 years old. My mother has informed me that it is tacky for me to expect a baby shower again for this second child. I am not sure where she is getting this idea, as I am her second child and I have seen pictures of a baby shower she had for me.
I am certainly in need of baby-gifts as I have purged them and was not expecting to have another. My husband and I are delighted to be expecting again and our friends and family seem pleased also. Not sure if I should have another baby shower, what do you think?
GENTLE READER,
Has anyone offered to give you a baby shower? You sound as if it is up to you to declare one because you need presents.
Your mother may have learned the rule late in life, but she is correct: Baby showers are properly given only for first babies. Miss Manners is soft-hearted enough not to condemn friends who are excited enough to insist on showering an experienced-but-expectant mother, but that is not for you --or your mother-- to decide.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS,
My friend has a friend who owns a condo at the beach in N. Florida. She made plans to stay there in May and asked if I would like to join her. Once I accepted the invitation, she then went on to "price" the condo for the week with a large number and then expected me to pay all expenses equal to that amount! What would be the proper thing to do on both sides?
GENTLE READER,
There is a great deal of confusion, nowadays, between real invitations and suggestions for cooperative ventures. Miss Manners gets mail both from those who presumed that they were invited to a restaurant meal, for example, and unpleasantly surprised with a bill, and from those who want to treat others but are afraid that their invitations are being declined because of the presumed expense.
Your friend should have asked whether you were interested in going in with her to rent a condo at the beach, and told you the price so that you could make a reasonable decision.
You still can, however. You need only say, "I'm so sorry-- I would have loved to go, but this is beyond me." No further explanation is necessary.
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author ofMiss Manners' Guide toExcruciatingly Correct Behavior(Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. Theyhavetwo perfect children, of course.
