Each week, Miss Manners answers questions exclusively from the MSN audience on all of your etiquette dilemmas. (Have an issue you want help with? Send in a question today.) Read on for this week's hot topics:
DEAR MISS MANNERS,
My husband and I were having dinner at a local hamburger stand, and there was a Christian radio station playing in the dining area. My husband approached the counter to refill his drink and started a conversation with the man working the counter in which he mentioned that he had noticed the music and then asked the employee if he is a Christian. Since the response is irrelevant, I will not include it - suffice it to say that the encounter was brief and polite. I feel that it is highly inappropriate to inquire about the religious beliefs of a stranger, and I expressed this when he returned to the table. My husband disagrees, and since we have children, I would appreciate knowing the correct response so that they will have appropriate manners.
GENTLE READER,
Presumably your husband is pleading special circumstances here-- that the broadcast constituted an opening. At least, Miss Manners hopes he doesn't think it is all right to go around demanding that strangers tell him their religious beliefs and affiliations.
But to make that argument, he would need reason to believe that the choice of stations was the employee's, not the owner's or manager's. The response to your husband's question from an employee who objected to it might not have been pleasant. He is fortunate that it was not, and is well advised not to do it again.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS,
Each year we send my nieces and nephews (ages 3-11) presents and each year their parents call or text my husband (their relative) to say thank you. He usually forgets to tell me, and I rarely know if they like their gifts.
I never knew this bothered me until this year, when I was thrilled to get an adorably large and crooked thank you card hand written by two of the younger ones. While I am not like my relatives (who didn't send a gift the next year if thank you notes were lacking), I would like to reward good behavior by being extra generous with them next year.
The kids are too young to know this, but their mother would understand and give an age appropriate explanation. She is the black sheep of the family, being the ex-wife of my brother-in-law, and it is unlikely that the other nieces and nephews would find out. Their father does not celebrate Christmas, so the gifts do not go through him. My husband says I am out of line. What do you think?
GENTLE READER,
Although Miss Manners agrees that politeness should be rewarded (and would go so far as to say that people who ignore presents should not be troubled with receiving them), she considers your suggestions too subtle and too far off in time for children or parents to make the connection.
Instead, she suggests that you show the children who wrote the pleasure of receiving a letter. Write how much you enjoyed reading the letter, and ask questions about their current interests. If you hint that this information will be useful to you when they have birthdays, you will encourage them-- and any errant siblings they may have.
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author ofMiss Manners' Guide toExcruciatingly Correct Behavior(Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. They have two perfect children, of course.
