Each week, Miss Manners answers questions exclusively from the MSN audience on all of your etiquette dilemmas. (Have an issue you want help with? Send in a question today.) Read on for this week's hot topics:
DEAR MISS MANNERS,
My college aged son is quite serious about a girl from school. The family doesn't care much for her, but we keep it to ourselves, in the interest of family harmony. If he marries her, we can only hope she'll grow on us.
She took a school sponsored missions trip last year, and we received the ubiquitous letter soliciting us for funds. This year, she decided that rather than another missions trip, she would go to Tuscany for a two-week study tour with the college. We received a letter asking again for money.
It doesn't seem appropriate to ask friends and acquaintances to finance this sort of trip. I'd love to go to Tuscany, too. Maybe I should send a letter.
GENTLE READER,
"Maybe you should talk with your son.
Miss Manners does not want to override your policy of withholding criticism in case you become related to this young lady. She is merely suggesting that you show him the letter and ask him how the idea could possibly have arisen that you would sponsor his friend's vacations.
He will, of course, laugh it off, saying, "Oh, she sends those letters to everyone." That is your chance to look shocked and say, "She does?" And then, "Well, dear, I hope you will never do any such thing. We are not beggars. We've always been self-sufficient, and I'm sure you will be, too."
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DEAR MISS MANNERS,
My husband and his ex wife went recently to pick out a head stone for her son, his adopted son (which he had raised since he was 5 years old), however her husband was not invited and I wasn't invited either. I would not have went with my ex husband to pick out a headstone just he and I. I would have made sure his wife and my husband was included in this out of respect for all involved parties.
GENTLE READER,
"Is this your idea of a social event, to which people should be invited in couples?
It seems to Miss Manners that this very sad task belongs to the child's parents, unless they want their spouses there for emotional support. And a wife who is concerned with how she is being treated at such a time is not likely to be much of a comfort."
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author of Miss Manners' Guide toExcruciatingly Correct Behavior(Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. They have two perfect children, of course.
