Each week, Miss Manners answers questions exclusivelyfrom the MSN audience on all of your etiquette dilemmas.(Have an issue you want help with? Send in a questiontoday.) Read on for this week's hot topics:
DEAR MISS MANNERS,
I think I was taught that elected officer's titles were not used after they left office. For example, is it not correct to say President Bush or Clinton (and others), Gov. Huckabee, Mayor So-and-So, etc.
We have too many presidents, senators, governors and so forth that it gets distracting who is really in charge of the office they no longer hold. I believe Harry Truman was simply Mr. Truman after he retired.
GENTLE READER,
"Indeed, but such modesty is not the order of our day. Miss Manners would have thought that if anyone could afford to be modest, it would be someone who has been President of the United States. It is safe to assume that people know who they are.
But even former presidents have been addressing one another as if they were still in office. Of course they mean it to show respect, but it makes it sound as if we are governed by a junta.
It is also against official American protocol. The rule is that a title held by only one person at a time is used only for the person in office, but that those held by many may, by courtesy, be used after leaving office. Our first president set this precedent by reverting to being known as General Washington, while Mr. Truman could have been Senator Truman."
**************************
DEAR MISS MANNERS,
What would you do if guests sat themselves at the head of your table before you have time to direct them to their seats?
GENTLE READER,
"It is odd, when you think about it, that the host sits at the place of honor at his or her own table. But such is the custom, bequeathed to us from medieval times, and anyway, guests should wait to be seated.
What Miss Manners would do would be to indicate another chair and say, 'I think you'll be more comfortable there.' No other explanation is necessary, but she might add gently, 'I sit here so that I can keep an eye out if anyone needs anything.'"
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author ofMiss Manners' Guide toExcruciatingly Correct Behavior(Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. Theyhave two perfect children, of course.
