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You don’t have to turn on the TV to see a despotic ruler. There’s probably one in your own house about to demand a snack.

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 22, 2011 2:07PM

Now, I don’t mean to make light of the major changes going on in the Middle East, or come down heavy on our little ones. But with the activity in Egypt and other places it occurred to me how much toddlers and dictators have in common. I will now share a few of these things with you:



The best response when you learn that your teenager is sexually active.

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 21, 2011 2:08PM

One of the toughest moments in a parent’s life is when she learns that her teenager not only understands the birds and bees, but is a member of the Audubon society. I have sons, and one day I’m going give them the same old hypocritical speech about waiting and making sure it’s with someone who is special.  I don’t know how much good it will do me. Telling a seventeen year old to wait is like telling a lit firecracker not to explode.



The “teacher” is more of a symptom of her students’ delinquencies than she realizes

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 16, 2011 11:25PM

First of all, let me begin by empathizing with the embattled teacher who has come under fire for blogging about her students’ shortcomings. I remember being in high school, and I’m sure if blogging was big then, many of my teachers would’ve had plenty to say about me. But the story here isn’t if a teacher should be allowed to blog about her students. The story is why a teacher would want to flame those she’s in charge of educating, and how it undermines her ability to do so.



A small talking cashier reminds me why I like those self-checkout machines

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 16, 2011 2:00PM

So, I was in the store with one of my sons. The twins take turns joining me on my daily errands. It’s an opportunity for them to receive individual attention, and I appreciate the one-on-one time because I get to see what each child is like without the looming threat of his brother, who might steal a toy, knock him over, or want to wrestle at any moment. It’s like getting to meet a child from a war-ravaged nation who has been relocated to Canada.  The kids love it because they can see how my life is full of important activities, such as going to the library and the dry cleaners.


One of my sons has an odd way of welcoming me back from a business trip

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 15, 2011 2:06PM

Yesterday one of my sons bit me. This child has no history of biting, or bite related incidents. Heck, he doesn’t even spend much time chewing his food. But for some reason, last night when I gave my son a hug and a kiss goodnight, he chomped down onto my shoulder like it was a baby back rib. It really, really hurt.


Fortunately, I did not react too harshly. I yelled, “No biting!” but my elevated volume and wolfish growl was due to my pain rather than any anger (though I was super angry).  Why did my kid all of a sudden bite me?


Not saying I could do a better job, but this is what I’d try…

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 14, 2011 2:15PM

It’s amazing how being a parent changes your perspective on celebrity antics. I find myself feeling increasingly miserable for the parents of the out-of-control wild children. And there’s no one my heart goes out to more than the parents of Lindsay Lohan. Even if her parents are in some ways just as nuts as she is, deep down there is still a mommy and daddy worried about their baby. I can’t help but wonder what I’d do if I were Lindsay’s parent?


Here’s what to remember if your kid comes home with less construction paper hearts than he or she expected

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 10, 2011 9:13PM

Valentine’s Day for elementary school kids is either one of the best days in a young person’s life, or one of the worst. It’s wonderful to notice that the girl who alternates between smiling at you and hurling balls at your head during recess gave you a valentine with at least three, thoughtfully colored-in hearts. When you notice that her other valentines have a single heart, and yours is practically paisley with hearts, you know that there’s some serious crushing going on.


Also, the study further sites hunger as the leading cause of eating

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 9, 2011 10:22PM

I’m sorry, the headline of today’s entry is a complete lie. While many of us have always suspected a connection between obesity and the number of faucets at a nearby amusement park, it is actually not true. Also, not to further loosen anyone’s grasp on reality, but it’s also not true that a person’s height is connected to how long a medieval ancestor was held in an Iron Maiden.


Why do I bring up these statements of quackery? Because another new study has been released stating that there’s a link between working moms and obese children. Now, I get that people who have to work a lot may not make every meal at home, from scratch, with meat slaughtered in their own barns, and vegetables hand raised in their own gardens. I know that it might be harder to control the amount of calories in a meal that isn’t homemade. But you’ll recall that other studies link poverty to childhood obesity. So basically, you can choose to not work, be poor, and grow fat kids. Or you can get a job, feed your kids more restaurant food, and grow fat kids. Either way, your kids will be fat. The only thing these studies truly conclude is that scientists don’t feel important unless they’re scaring a significant portion of the population. Sometimes their warnings are vital. This isn’t one of those times.  

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