Everyone knows that old saying, “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.” It basically means that one shouldn’t be critical of a gift. But if it’s a gift for your kids, that horse should receive a complete dental exam. As parents, we have a right to control which toys our kids play with, and which are brought into our homes (especially if someone actually buys your kid a gift horse—you think blocks are messy…).

It’s seems like it’s not a question of if your child will vandalize your house, but rather a question of when. And you can try buying water soluble markers, putting out butcher paper, etc. Kids always seem to know where the Sharpies are, and which surfaces they absolutely will not come off of—without a major investment in cleansers that with one application, eats the paint back down to the drywall.  

I was recently in an airport, and walking somewhat next to me was a mother with her young child. Her kid was yelling. It wasn’t clear what he was yelling, or if he had a reason. But kids don’t really need one.  The mother, conscious of the fact that her child wasn’t exhibiting good airport etiquette—which we all know is to suffer in silence no matter how much you’d like to yell,  looked at her kid and said, “I don’t yell in the airport.” Clearly she meant “you” shouldn’t yell in the airport.

I’m proud to introduce our first ever single-mom POM. Kathryn Cugini of Blackwood, New Jersey is the proud mother of Allison, her 2½-year-old daughter. Although she does double duty working full time and raising a wonderful daughter, she still finds a few free moments to cheer on her beloved Philadelphia Eagles. Let’s get to know a bit more about Kathryn and her family:  

I am officially convinced that whoever invented the concept of Elmo is a genius. They might be an evil genius. But they deserve credit for creating perhaps the single greatest mind-control device ever.  It seems like whatever that small, red, androgynous character touches turns to gold. My kids clamor for their Elmo cell phone, Elmo books, and most of all their animatronic Elmo cyborg singing psychopath.   

It’s human to seek comfort. Adults might seek it in a good book, teenagers might have a favorite song or musician, and older toddlers might have a shirt, blanket or a pillow. But there are a certain group of toddlers who find comfort in a different way: they like to grab breasts.  Mostly, it’s the mom’s breast, so it’s not such a big deal.  But there are kids who, when introduced to someone new must come with the warning, “Feel free to pick him, up, but just know he’ll probably grab your boob!”

A study was just released revealing that most parents believe that teenagers are having sex, but that their teenage son or daughter is not. The flaw in this logic is obvious, but understandable. Who wants to consider that their child is “no longer a child.”  It’s much easier to think that the neighbor kid with the nose piercing is probably a fornicating sinner, but not your darling son. When he and his girlfriend go out, all they do is talk about how much fun they’ll have at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.

My wife recently suffered a terrible cold. In our past pre-child existence, this would entail her spending the day in bed while I earned valuable points fetching soup, Diet Sprite, and Saltines. But now that we are owned by a pair of toddlers, we have to persevere through each day.  As all parents know, you can’t call in sick on your kids. But like a regular job, you can show up and just pretend to work. Here are a few tips for how to fake a day of parenting: