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A desire for real entertainment challenges my parenting scruples

By Jeremy Greenberg Mar 8, 2011 12:02PM

I’m feeling a parenting quitting streak coming on. So much of being a good mommy or daddy is putting your kids’ needs ahead of your own. In most areas, this is a natural response, and no problem. However, I’m hitting the point where I can’t stand to watch or listen to any more children’s movies. I just need something without a talking train or racecar. I’m sick of purple dinosaurs giving spelling lessons. I want to watch a grown up movie. It doesn’t have to be Nine and a Half Weeks or Gladiator, but I just want to watch something for which “sharing” isn’t the theme (although you could argue that is the theme of Nine and a Half Weeks).


Let’s take a look at what the diaper-trained demographic finds funny

By Jeremy Greenberg Mar 6, 2011 8:18PM

Last week there was a wonderfully cute viral video of a baby laughing hysterically as his father tore up a piece of paper. With each successive shredding, the kid would giggle so uncontrollably, you almost expected him to then get the munchies and spend twenty minutes wondering why we have hands. It was super adorable, and watching the video made me nostalgic for a time when my sons would find such simple things to be funny. My boys are approaching their third birthdays, and now have much more evolved, sophisticated senses of humor. Allow me to share two things my kids now find funny:



It may not be the parent’s fault—but it is the parent’s responsibility to correct the behavior

By Jeremy Greenberg Mar 3, 2011 1:15PM

While it goes without saying that being bullied is a bad experience for a child, it might be even more mortifying for a parent to learn that her kid is the bully. No parent wants her kid to be picked on, but at least being pushed around can be a teachable moment. By instructing your child to stand up to a bully, even at the cost of a bloody nose, you might be planting the seeds of an adult who stands her ground later in life, when it really counts. Facing a bully as a child is the precursor to standing up to a boss at work, and basically growing into an assertive, confident adult.


Charlie Sheen’s “goddesses” serve as his nannies—in their spare time

By Jeremy Greenberg Mar 2, 2011 1:16AM

I know that when some people wake up, the first thing they like to do is get a cup of coffee and then read the news, or maybe even engage in their spiritual or religious rituals. They might try to connect with the world on a higher level before the kids wake. Well, for the past few days I have been doing the exact opposite. I’ve been waking up, and watching the Charlie Sheen interviews. And frankly it’s been a very necessary diversion. With my kids fighting a cold all last week, and so much turmoil in the Middle East, it’s nice to be able to give myself over to the ranting of a rich, crazy, drug-addled lunatic.


A Georgia parent works to straddle the line between accident and negligence

By Jeremy Greenberg Mar 1, 2011 1:52AM

This is going to sound like one of those questions one might find imprinted on a Popsicle stick, but it’s a good question nonetheless: “What’s the average speed of a fourteen-month-old human?”


Why do I ask? Because it was reported this weekend that a fourteen-month-old toddler spent four hours trapped in a vault after she somehow wandered away from her mother. Now, I know that kids can be elusive. Even at fourteen months, when most kids are just starting to walk, they can still get out of your sight. But it’s usually for a brief moment. The minute you realize your kid has climbed into a dresser drawer, or found some other place to hide, you tear the room upside down until you relocate the little one. When my sprinting, almost three-year-old sons get out of sight, panic mode immediately kicks in and I find them. So, I’m very curious how in the heck a fourteen-month-old toddler wandered away from her mother.


Is it just me, or are they goofiest franchise around

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 27, 2011 1:22PM

So, the other day my kids came home from the library shouting, “We picked our own DVDs!” I thought this was wonderful. Not only had they hit the developmental milestone of autonomous entertainment selection (an area in which American children are light-years ahead), but I was always curious what a toddler left to his own devices would choose to watch. Unfortunately now I know: The Wiggles.


Because nothing takes the edge off a rough day of sixth grade like a Tequila Sunrise

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 25, 2011 2:35PM

A new study revealed that last month, 317,000 kids aged 12-14 were given booze by their parents or a relative.  Keep in mind that last month was January. There isn’t even a holiday in that month with a good excuse for allowing tweens and teens a taste. It’s reasonable to believe that in November and December, the amount of parent-administered alcohol was much higher.


Would you give your kids booze? The two sides of this issue seem to be that a) they’re going to drink anyway, might as well let them get their drink on in a supervised setting where you can be sure they won’t drive. Or b), it sends the wrong message, essentially condoning underage drinking, and will lead to drinking problems later in life.



Should a child be rewarded for demonstrating the frailties of the human immune system?

By Jeremy Greenberg Feb 23, 2011 2:53PM

My house is currently an infirmary. Both of my twin boys are fighting some sort of cold that makes their noses run nonstop. My wife and I are forced to blow their noses several times per hour.  We’ve tried using one of those booger suction thingies, but those things make our kids wince painfully, as though in addition to the boogers, we’re also extracting parts of their brains. While we don’t like having to blow the kids’ noses every ten minutes, we aren’t ready to prepare them for embalming either.

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