But unfortunately their common interest is in causing temporary hearing loss
My wife has started taking the kids to play groups. For those who aren’t familiar, play groups (also known as mom’s clubs) are weekly communal gatherings at which parents can let their kids destroy property in a group setting. Many kids grow bored destroying valuables in isolation, so play groups allow the kids to work on their social mayhem skills.
Parents must be aware of their child’s impending social doom
The beginning of a new school year is typically a very fun time for high school kids, especially for kids returning to a friendly environment. They’ll be seeing people they’ve known since kindergarten, and can all wow each other with how much they’ve grown.
This is what happens when you mix rebellion and potty training
I don’t mean to gross anyone out, but at my house we’re currently in a pee crises. My kids are aggressively peeing. They aren’t having accidents, they’re having “on purposes.” It’s not uncommon for one of my sons to pull down his pants and pee in, on, or around anything that he deems deserving of pee.
Meet a parent who clearly believes honesty is the best policy—no matter what
This month I’m proud to introduce Kim Leach of Madison, Indiana. She and her husband Steve are the proud parents of Ethan, Eric, and Saxxlyn. Although the boys are technically stepchildren, in her home the love has no biological boundaries. Let’s get to know a bit more about a parent who clearly demonstrates that brutal honesty is the best policy.
Did I inspire yuckiness, or was it inevitable?
It’s a scientific fact that kids love cardboard boxes. I sometimes think that if all the homeless people were toddlers, this world would be a much happier place. There’s nothing like the joy on my twins’ faces when a package arrives. Rarely do they care about its contents. As far as they’re concerned, the stuff inside is just meant to prevent the box from being damaged.
First, my kids will both climb into the box. Then, as their imaginations dictate, it will become a boat, a car, or even a package being shipped to Nana’s house.
Next we will cut open the box, and place it on the floor so that the kids can color on it with crayons and markers. I don’t know about other parents, but I prefer creative activities like drawing over other non-tangible works of the imagination. If they imagine something amazing, what proof do you have? But if the kids create a masterpiece on a cardboard box, we’ve got evidence that all of those Omega-3 gummy bears we let them eat are paying off.
While the kids were drawing on the cardboard, I walked over to inspect their masterpieces. But it was just a bunch of scribbles! And they weren’t even those mildly creative scribbles that abstract artists trick rich fools into buying. Clearly they needed inspiration, direction, a muse. Without thinking, I blurted out, “Draw a piece of poop.”
I realized the immature mistake immediately. But what do you tell twenty-eight-month-old boys to draw? Airplanes, trains, and trees are relatively complex shapes. Not to be too gross, but poop’s an oval. It’s a good beginner’s shape. Not only did I suggest it, I sat down with them and drew the first few. Soon my kids were creating a mural any child would be proud to put his name on. And frankly, although it was a mural of poop, it was a lot better than many I see on the freeways of Los Angeles.
I still wish I’d said, “Draw an apple.” That’s another basic shape. But part of me thinks drawing poop was inevitable. All I did was suggest the obvious.
Is it cute, or an act of disrespect?
My sons have figured out Mommy and Daddy’s first names, and occasionally enjoy taunting us with them.
The other day, out of the blue, one of my sons started calling me “Jeremy.” My wife said, “That’s Daddy.” With a smirk on his face, he replied, “Daddy’s name is Jeremy.”
It’s not annoying if he'll eventually make money at it
As a proud parent, I am constantly in the habit of analyzing my kids’ behaviors for signs of their future professional genius. If one of my kids beats on a wall somewhat rhythmically, I’ll think he might be a musician. If one of them disassembles his wagon, I’ll think his future is engineering or automobile theft, and if one of them is always napping, I’ll think we’ve got a future government employee in our midst.
Great parenting has its cost: You!
Like most parents, I love my kids more than anything in the entire world. But I also think there are times when you’ve got to admit that parenting can be a miserable job. If it were rated against compensated jobs, it would occasionally show up on the misery index somewhere between customer service employee, and poisonous food taster.