This should teach a child why it’s wrong to lie about what a teacher said in class
I’m sure you’ve heard by now that elite American forces in Afghanistan have finally killed Osama Bin Laden. I hope this begins to bring some closure to the victims’ families of 911, and that it severely hurts Al Qaeda’s recruiting efforts. I know that the minute Pete Carroll left the head coach position of USC’s football team, their recruiting class immediately took a step back. Osama’s death should also hopefully put Al Qaeda out of contention for some time.
Travel cross-country with kids and you will never have to prove your bravery in any other way
I wrote a piece a few months ago defending parents who bring young, tantrum-prone children on airplanes. I would now officially like to redact my statement. I recently flew from San Diego to New Jersey with my sons. I thought it wouldn’t be that bad. I was wrong. I was very, very wrong.
They’d be better off watching an episode of Family Guy—at least Peter Griffin has a job
To me, a royal wedding is sort of like a civil war reenactment—except the participants don’t have to return to their jobs at the hardware store on Monday morning. Royalty is an annoyingly antiquated notion. There’s nothing wrong with the people of royalty themselves, you can’t help who you’re born to. You can only play the hand you’ve been dealt. But the media attention over the wedding is something that concerns me—most of all because kids will see it and learn about the concept of royalty. Right now there seems to be so much hoopla surrounding the upcoming wedding, that you’d think the eventual offspring of Prince Whoever and Kate Whatserhface would reestablish heaven on Earth.
Finding the Zen of stepping on Legos
I love being a parent, but it seems like one of the greatest tolls that it takes is on my sense of interconnectedness with the universe. It’s a toll worth paying, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s very challenging to try to be in the moment, when that moment is filled with a kid who threw food on the floor. It is hard to feel at peace when a child laughs maniacally after having turned off your computer. But I have been taking steps to find the Zen of all aspects of parenting.
A special entry for the parent who is immune to parental peer pressure
I want to give a shout out to a special kind of parent. You may notice them by their stained clothes, un-brushed, matted hair, and seeming disregard for those around them. These are the parents who just don’t care what you think about them.
Often these parents can be found in the middle of a grocery store yelling at their kids for various reasons. If it’s not immediately obvious who these parents are, listen for their distinctive call to “put that back! Put that back right now!” Or, an alternative call is, “We are not buying that cereal.” And, of course, during mating season you’ll hear them in the grocery asking their four-year-old children riding in the carts to “remind me to pick up some disposable razors so I can shave my armpits—your father just got a raise.”
Unfortunately, it’s not as much fun to make the world a better place
Much is being made of no-hit piñatas, or pull-string piñatas as they are alternatively known. Most of the responses agree that these are a misguided attempt at making people less violent. After all, most of us smacked a piñata as a kid, and paper mache did not turn out to be a gateway to the neighbor’s cat’s skull. My kids and their friends just had a great time causing blunt-force trauma to a piñata on their birthdays. I don’t think anyone is more violent because of it. But the truth is that none of the kids are less violent either. As dumb as the no-hit piñata sounds, it’s actually a push towards human evolution: one we aren’t ready for.
My kids get a sandbox for their birthdays, and consequently stimulate the vacuum cleaner industry
Our boys just celebrated their third birthdays! It was a very fun day, and one of the most enjoyable aspects was watching our kids go crazy for hours in their new backyard sandbox. If any other parents are considering getting a sandbox as a gift for their kids, allow me to highlight some of the benefits.
First of all, if your kids are brunets, nothing adds a bit of style like sand highlights. It only took my sons a minute in the sandbox to somehow cover their scalps in sand. (My kids are actually blonds, so they instantly became “sandy blonds.”)
What are the rules for having grown up music around the children?
There is this adorable video of a kid busting a rhyme. But it seems that for anyone who thinks it’s adorable, there’s someone else who thinks it’s inappropriate. What’s the truth? Is letting a youngster rock out like this cute, or is a parent prematurely leasing her kid’s brain to the record companies?