Good parenting means denying the defense mechanism
If you’ve ever had a mosquito land on your body, you’ve more than likely noticed that before you even thought about it, one of your hands swatted and smacked the area where the little sucker landed. Your mind doesn’t waste time in meditation on how it might negatively affect the mosquito. Its job at that moment isn’t to be enlightened, or altruistic, it’s to remove the thing causing pain and removing blood. Well, that might be fine for dealing with a mosquito. But what about when the thing that sunk its teeth into you is your beloved child?
Save money, lose weight, and give your kids a window into the unhealthy eating habits that have plagued your family for generations
Can you believe summer is almost here? It seems like Mother’s Day was just last weekend, and here we are in mid May. Many parents look forward to this warmer weather, as it means they can take the family on trips to the beach. But along with this anticipation comes the dread of revealing your rapidly aging body to the world. A quick look in the mirror will remind most parents that an entire winter of not putting yourself first has taken its toll. How can you get to the gym when your kids are either getting you sick, or are sick themselves and home from school? For most of us it isn’t even about looking attractive. It’s simply about not looking repulsive. I don’t want to turn heads, I want to not turn them.
In the grand scheme, it’s not as horrifying as it appears
Yesterday on Good Morning America, a British mom was interviewed about her practice of injecting her eight-year-old daughter with Botox. Now, many British people have a lot that they need to fix on their faces, but usually we don’t hear about the wrinkles. And we certainly don’t hear about Botox being injected into a child who hasn’t even hit puberty.
The end of the world means I’m going to need some new adjectives
First of all, let me say that I am not in any way making light of the suffering of those people who have come under Mother Nature’s bipolar wrath. But all of these natural disasters are causing a small problem for parents: how to describe our rambunctious kids in a way that doesn’t offend.
The other day someone asked me what it was like raising twin toddler sons. Both of my sons are gifted with my genetic appetite for destruction, so I said that it was like raising “twin tornadoes.” But this comment came in the wake of the St. Louis airport being ripped to shreds. I saw the person to whom I was speaking recoil at my accidental insensitivity. I also used to tell folks that five minutes into my twins’ playtime, it looked like our house had been through a giant earthquake. Now that there’s been a giant earthquake, in Japan, that description has gone from being a fun exaggeration, to an act of callousness. And before the tragedy in Japan, if you were to describe your kids’ splashing in the bathtub as making tsunami waves, it wouldn’t be given a second thought. But now that word conjures up an immediate vision of real suffering.
It is a bad influence on our kids, but not for the reason you think
Some political commentator mentioned the other day that the show Glee was propaganda bent on destroying our children. I know this was buzzing a few days ago. But the other night I watched Glee, and I came to the truth of what the real problem with the show is.
How to love a mom or dad who you don’t even like
Let me begin by saying that this entry is not about my parents. If anything, my folks are exponentially more successful people than I am. Insane, yes; but they are not losers by any stretch of the imagination.
However, when I was a kid I had a lot of friends whose parents were real losers. I recall being twelve years old, and visiting friends’ houses whose parents would be drunk and puking in the kitchen sink, or passed out. I remember kids whose parents beat them, used heroin, and were abusive and negligent. And I grew up in a nice neighborhood! Lord knows what kids from lesser ‘burbs faced. Don’t ask me how I fell into such a motley crew. It was probably because the children of losers and I were all angry, and shared a passion for skateboarding and crazy music. The difference was that they were angry because their parents treated them like garbage. I was angry because I had to go to Hebrew school two nights a week. How dare my parents try to provide me with additional education.
It’s time to pay homage to the momage!
Mother’s Day is this Sunday! Once again we will celebrate the most important and simultaneously the most forgotten people in our lives. Being a mom is an utterly thankless job. But one day a year we must try not to take the procreating females in our lives for granted. Here are a few suggestions:
Making sure that your kid’s body is ready before he becomes buffed
I was at the hotel gym a few days ago. One of the things that I love about hotel gyms is, unless you’re in a swanky place, you’re basically challenging your mortality every time you set foot on one of their poorly maintained treadmills, or pieces of weight lifting equipment that are so old, they could’ve actually been endorsed by Atlas himself. Let’s just put it this way: the seat height for the bicep machine was measured in cubits.